What became of the Likely Lads
by Zimo
Summary: Friendship is a fragile thing; Jealously, secrets and vengeance can destroy it. Lies undermine it. Insecurities rip it apart. Kiba and Sasuke are all Naruto's got to help him fight against his insanity... That's if they don't kill him first. Non Yaoi.
1. The Boy who Kicked

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto (and thank your lucky stars for that).

Warnings: NON-YAOI! OOC! Dark! Progressive violence.

A/N: I should warn you that if you are coming to read this expecting scares, zombies and outright horror then you will not find it here. Not in the first six chapters at least. The Likely Lads has been put under horror so that I can delve into the darker and grotesque aspects of Naruto's deteriorating mental state. It is built to be an epic so therefore the first six chapters are mostly dedicated to character introduction. It will not be to everyones tastes, I accept that and thank you before hand for wasting your time.

Also, this is a rewrite of the original What became of the Likely Lads that I wrote three years ago. To my old readers, expect something completely different.

* * *

"What became of the Likely Lads"

Chapter One

"The Boy who Kicked."

At the summit of the Hokage Monument, Uzumaki Naruto was king.

From his vantage point, the houses and buildings of Konohagakure had seemingly shrunk to the size of ant hills; their sleeping occupants, insignificant insects awaiting the tender administrations of his foot.

He closed his eyes, pushed down through the heels of his sandals, and willed with all his might that the stone faces might give way and squash the entire village in one foul swoop.

To say that Uzumaki Naruto did not like people would have been an understatement.

There were, of course_,_ times when even he found them bearable. Like, say, when they were standing a good five miles away from him and facing in the opposite direction. Or as they were at that moment, tucked away in their beds asleep and firmly locked behind closed doors. In his opinion, people were at their very best when they were absent.

And there were, of course, segments of people he could tolerate. Individuals, the number of whom he could count on one hand, whose presence he could stand in for more than five minutes without wanting to tear off their heads. His Academy teacher, Iruka, for one; the Hokage, to some extent; and of course, the lovely father daughter duo who ran his favourite ramen stand. Together, they were the segments that he found _just_ bearable.

But only just.

Still, segments filled holes, and holes once full created a bigger, uglier picture. No, Uzumaki Naruto did not like people, because people did not like him.

This mutual loathing had spanned over all thirteen years of the young boy's existence, right back to the very beginning of his life. Whereas most people in Konoha could boast of being born on a deity's holy day. Naruto had been born the very day that the Kyuubi no Kitsune had decided to attack Konoha, nearly razing it to the ground. Hundreds had died, including the Yondaime Hokage who had defeated it.

Well, not really _defeated_. Imprisoned, was more like it. The Kyuubi, unfortunately, was still very much on the living side of things, even if it was trapped in spirit form. Demons could not die and so the Yondaime Hokage in his infinite wisdom, had decided that stuffing the demon inside of the newly born Naruto was the best course of action for all. The village had been saved and thirteen years later, the only morsel of satisfaction Naruto himself could derive from the incident, was knowing that the man had been eaten by the Shinigami shortly afterwards.

It was because of the Kyuubi, Naruto had spent his childhood skirting around the fringes of society, ignored. This being said, his life was not marred with incidents of physical abuse, starvation or destitution. He was never beaten, nor was he without food, or water, or shelter. There were no pitchforks or random bouts of verbal abuse hurled his way. His was a singular, isolated existence without the love of family or friends to support him. The Hokage had seen to it that all of Naruto's basic requirements were met, despite the emotional nourishment the young child so desperately craved being sorely absent.

Lonely and rejected, Naruto had reacted to his upbringing as any child of his temperament would; as people turned away from him, he in turn, turned away from people. It should be noted however that on occasion, when he felt in the mood, he would turn back around just to infuriate them- Which was often given his belligerent nature.

Naruto's resentment was natural. No one had ever explained. No one had ever told him that he was a jinchuuriki, demon container and living human sacrifice. Not Iruka, not the Hokage, nor even the lovely father daughter duo for that matter. For six years he had been convinced that it was he, himself that was the problem. Six long, miserable years. And then one day, Naruto had fallen off a swing, in an innocent act of childish clumsiness, knocking himself out.

...In retrospect, he had not been the most careful or indeed observant six year old ever to exist.

For what may have been an hour, he had stood in the black of his conscience, listening to the demon's furious demands for vengeance- All of which had either revolved around the annihilation of the human race, or his own very long and painful demise. It was a shame really, because up until that point Naruto had been a rather sunny and determined child.

When he had woken up, there was a new voice in his head, along with a whole string of horrible consequences that came with it. Being a demon, the Kyuubi was fairly unoriginal when it came to its desires. It wanted power and it wanted freedom. In particular, it wanted the power and the freedom to go and stomp all over some more villages. However, since it was trapped in the boy's stomach under a heavy seal, it could only make do with one.

And make do it did...

The night air nipped at the tips of Naruto's ears. It was early summer and the iron training weights around his ankles and wrists felt heavier than usual.

Something was changing.

He sighed as he ran his fingers through his shaggy blond spikes. His mind had been feeling rather..._fuzzy_ lately. Scraped thin, as if a steel rake was being dragged across his brain, slowly carving its way to the secret layers beneath.

He spat. The wad of saliva clung on to his lips by a string. Naruto wiped it off with the back of his sleeve and scowled.

The new shifts in his conscience could have been attributed to the atoms of early puberty imploding within his body. He had a vague recollection of his red faced teacher explaining how the sudden surges in hormones could affect a teenager's mood. Given Naruto's short attention span and narcoleptic tendencies, it was just about the only thing he could remember from the man's class.

A snap of invisible fangs jolted him back to the task at hand. The Kyuubi was growing impatient. Its will spread through his body like wildfire, filling it with aggravated anticipation.

It would have what it wanted - Naruto had no other choice.

Cursing quietly to himself, he pulled back his sleeves and brought his hands together. A part of him should have been celebrating. After all, it was the moment that he had been slowly been training towards for six months. But Naruto found no reward in the event, only relief. With the opening of the third Gate, he would be nightmare free for at least two nights. That had been the deal after all, and demons did so love their deals.

Chakra surged and crackled, bursting from Naruto's body as it encompassed him in an orange light. Twelve months had passed since he had first opened the Outer Gate after having first witnessed a green spandex wearing jounin demonstrate it to his pupil. It all seemed so effortless now in comparison. The first time he had opened the first and second gates respectively, he had experienced a horrible compressing sensation.

The final constraints surrounding the Gate of Life, situated at top of his spinal cord, burst free. Yellow and red spilling forward uninhibited, roaring like a winter river.

The boy screwed his eyes shut as he tried to bring this new raw energy under control. Pressure built, and for a split second he felt as if his head was going to explode. Then something came crashing together, twisting and rearranging itself around him and the Kyuubi.

In that moment Naruto was king no longer - but a god.

He jumped from stone head to head, leaving small craters in his wake. Power coursed through his veins like lightening. It was invigorating. Intoxicating. He gathered it towards himself as he launched into the air with a roundhouse kick. There was a thunderous crack as his right foot connected with stone and the boy came crashing back into unpleasant reality.

"...Oh shit."

By the time the Sandaime Hokage's nose fell to the ground, Naruto was already running through the forest at full speed. It was a futile act to put as much distance in between himself and the Hokage Monument. They would find him eventually. His chakra that was literally stamped all over the crime scene.

The Inner Gates were closed now, shut down in a hurried state of shock and panic. The familiar ache and tear of muscle which followed such a powerful release rattled his bones. Mentally he was exhausted. Naruto dragged his feet to a pathetic stop, his head spinning like a hula hoop.

"What are you doing here?"

Naruto's mouth pulled into an grimace. He peeled open his eyes and the uniquely challenged hairstyle of Uchiha Sasuke swam into view beneath him in the dark.

"How's it going, Uchiha?" Despite his tiredness, Naruto plastered on a big cheery smile. He had learned from observation that the fastest way to get rid of the Uchiha was to be overtly chatty.

"I asked first," snapped the dark haired boy.

"Oh?" Naruto scratched his temple in feigned confusion. "I thought that was supposed to be a greeting... Did your parents not tell you about them rules of social _"et-ti-cut"_? I thought you clan lot were supposed to be big on them."

He had touched a nerve and he didn't care. The boy froze, cold as a knife. Family was a taboo subject around the sharingan user and for good reason - all of his were dead. They'd been massacred years ago by Sasuke's older brother. That had been another incident of semi-catastrophic proportions, by semi it meant that it only involved a few people instead of a whole village. Naruto liked to think his was somewhat more disastrous.

In all honesty, he didn't know much about the boy aside from a few snippets of overheard gossip and that he held the regular number one slot at the top of their class results. Sasuke didn't particularly interest him. He was too stiff, all curt grunts and stoic expressions with the type of dark pensive stare that would put a mountain gorilla to shame. It didn't particularly help that he was on the pretty side either, it just made him seem all the more melancholic.

"Whatever," Uchiha relaxed his battle stance. "It's not like you'd know anything about that. You probably got lost trying to find a ramen stand that would let you in."

Naruto's chuckled and he slipped from the tree branch onto the ground with effortless grace, earning himself a raised eyebrow from the other boy.

"That was you travelling through the forest just now..." His voice was ever cool, unaffected but his hands were twitching. Even the Uchiha was not immune to curiosity.

"Me?" Naruto's eyes widened innocently. "Nope! I was up there trying out a new technique I read in a magazine the other day. Apparently if you do the dog sign six thousand times in a row, any leaves around you will turn into ramen."

He kept his face perfectly straight as he spoke. Judging by the expression on the Uchiha's face, he was having difficulty trying to decipher the truth.

"You are beyond a doubt the stupidest ninja ever to exist."

Naruto shot him a glorious smile.

Without warning, four Shinobi in ANBU animal masks dropped to the ground around them. Naruto felt his stomach sink. It was the end of the line for him.

"Did either of you seen anyone pass through here?" came the muffled voice from behind a dragon mask.

If Sasuke was surprised, he hid it very well. Naruto adopted his normal nonchalant stance in the face of his adversity and grinned so wide his eyes crinkled up.

"What happened?" he asked in a singsong voice.

The Dragon turned his head sharply. "You saw nothing then."

"Never said that. You just gotta tell us what happened. Fair is fair, right?"

"Uzumaki!" Sasuke shot him a warning look.

"C'mon Senpai, they're just just wasting our time. You know that's an offence, kid," snapped another man in a black and white cat mask.

"I'm just trying to help," said the blond earnestly. "You see, we can't tell you nothing about what we saw, if indeed we saw anything that is, when we don't know what it is we supposedly should have seen in the first place... Get me?"

The man in the Dragon mask groaned. "Brats these days. Fine, we're looking for the person responsible for the destruction of the Hokage's Monument. They have a rather distinctive chakra."

The group of ninja exchanged exasperated looks from behind their masks. Naruto kept his careless smile intact despite the jittery two step his emotions were doing against his insides. There had only been one demonic chakra in the forest and he was the container of it. Still, the ANBU made no move to apprehend him. Maybe they were hoping to get a confession out of him without any trouble.

"Some one destroyed the Hokage's Monument?" repeated Sasuke incredulously.

Naruto did his very best to look mortified.

"I take it that you didn't see anything," sighed the Dragon eventually. "Fine, I will be talking to the Hokage about you two wast-

"I did sense something," interrupted Sasuke. "About sixty feet away. It was coming towards me."

The man nodded. "We followed it all the way up to that point before it vanished. What about you?" he turned to Naruto.

"Now that I think about it, I did see some shifty looking bloke running that way through the forest," the blond replied, pointing in a random direction away from the village. "He was wearing a black cloak."

"Men!" barked the Dragon. "Move out!"

With that they evaporated as quickly as they came. The two boys stood there for a long moment in silence. Naruto felt overwhelming relieved that they were gone but he was not in the clear yet. The Uchiha was staring at him, and hard.

"Wut?"

"You lied to them."

Naruto regarded him with vague puzzlement. "Did I?"

"You weren't trying to turn leaves in ramen, where you?" snapped the boy. "What is it exactly that you do every night that makes you so tired?"

There was a good reason why Uchiha Sasuke was the number aspiring genin in their class. His stoic demeanour hid the fact that he was really just a suspicious meddling bastard underneath it all.

"I go star gazing," shrugged Naruto with a yawn. "We've got a pretty good view of them here, don'cha think?"

Sasuke's black orbs narrowed. "Whatever," he said. "It's not like I care away."

Uchiha was first to leave the clearing. Naruto watched him go, mentally projecting promises of torturous pain if he dared so much as whisper a word to anyone. He wouldn't of course. It wasn't his style.

They were much alike in that regard. Naruto frowned at the thought. Maybe it was the giddy sense of relief but he kept on getting powerful urges to do something rash.

* * *

Naruto knew that it was probably just teenage hormonal rage. It wasn't rational to want to smash Haruno Sakura's massive forehead in with a chalkboard eraser, no matter how much she sounded like a hyena. As another shriek echoed through the room, he finally peeled one eye open to glare.

Another day and yet another barbed spat with Yamanaka Ino- Life with Sakura was boringly repetitive. Both girls had their claws at the ready as they marched out their respective infantries of poorly constructed insults. The novelty of their moronic display had long since worn off on the rest of the class, who continued to converse as if nothing was happening.

Normally, Naruto would have been able to drown out their cries, but he hadn't slept a wink the night before. His nerves were all jangled, completely strung out like he had injected pure caffeine to his bloodstream, though it was probably nothing other than paranoia. Not once had he looked up at the Monument that morning as he made his way to school.

The classroom door sliding open was a god-sent interruption.

"Good morning everyone!" Iruka-sensei called as he entered, his arms strained beneath a stack of papers. "Ino and Sakura, stop fighting please and take your seats."

The was a brief scrabble as everyone shuffled to their respective seats so that class could finally begin. Naruto watched as their teacher painstakingly aligned his various tools and work material on his desk top before straightening up with a great big welcoming smile upon his face.

"Right, I have all your tests from last week corrected and marked." His eyes lingered on Naruto as he spoke. "So if you'll all just be patient, I'll hand them back to you now."

Naruto frowned. He certainly couldn't recall doing a test. It was quite possible that he had missed it, although Iruka usually held them during the late morning at which time Naruto had _usually_ shown up. Not that the boy ever actually partook in the actual writing bit - normally, he just sat there and caught up on his sleep. Iruka was probably holding out for the day his young student would finally pick up a pen and write down his name.

"First of all, I have one sheet here with no name on it and nothing written on it either. Who owns it? It was handed up along with the rest... Naruto, I assume that I'm talking to you here."

The blond lifted his head wearily and looked at the sheet. The ink had been smudged by a large transparent dried in drool patch. He blinked once in recognition. There were a few malicious sniggers as the sheet was disposed off in the bin.

"Not good enough," sighed the teacher. "Come see me after class. Now Sasuke. Is Sasuke here?"

"He isn't, sensei," Sakura piped up from here space near the front of the classroom. "His usual seat has been empty all morning."

Naruto rolled his eyes and buried his head in his arms. He didn't once bother to raise it as the door opened and Sasuke entered with a mumbled apology. Nor did he move when the usually empty seat on the bench beside him shifted as the boy sat down next to him.

"Now, if everyone could please- Hold on."

A ten second silence followed Iruka's departure before the room erupted it mindless chatter. Sakura came bounding towards Sasuke with her test sheet in hand and dog like adoration in her eyes.

"I got ninety five per cent! What did you get Sasuke-kun?" she beamed.

Naruto felt his eye twitch.

"I didn't look at it," grunted the Uchiha.

"I'm sure you got one hundred per cent, I mean you're really smart so-"

"Kami, Forehead," interrupted Ino loudly as she barged her way towards them. "As if Sasuke-kun is interested in hearing about your boring test results."

"We're having an intelligent conversation here, Pig. Something that you wouldn't understand. What did you get again? Forty per cent? That's barely a pass."

Naruto groaned and placed his hands over his ears. It wasn't that he didn't like women, he did. Very much so. He was fast approaching the age at which the female form was to be worshipped for its various erotic mysteries. What he did not like were girls, especially those his own age who were either unreasonably obsessed with Uchiha Sasuke or ugly- It was unfortunate to say that most of the time they were both.

"-I still passed, didn't I? Unlike you, Forehead I'm good at practical."

"Just because you're part of the Yamanaka clan, doesn't mean that you're a good Kunoichi, isn't that right, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hnn."

They continued to lock horns, unaware that the object of their affection was too busy staring at Naruto to pay them any attention. He could feel the dead weight of the boy's eyes on the back of his neck. Apparently the boy had traded his personality for the ability to burn holes through flesh with nothing but his eyes.

There was a loud shriek as Sakura suddenly went toppling backwards onto the desk from a push from her rival. She quickly recovered and launched herself at the blond girl and they fell, kicking, biting and screaming to the floor. The rest of the class watched keenly, sitting up on their desks so as they could get a better few of the action.

Had it been any other time of day, Naruto would have gladly pulled out a bucket of popcorn. Morning, however, was sacred to him. In the shorten version of his opinion, it was best passed in restful sleep. The extended opinion included the clause that those who disrupted it were to be boiled alive in their own excrement. Sasuke let out an agitated grunt beside him, it was clear that the boy was having similar murderous sentiments.

Determined to shut them up, Naruto reached for his lunch bag beneath the desk for something to throw at them. Unfortunately though, he wasn't very imaginative when it came to packing food for future long-range engagements. Instant noodles would hardly inflict enough damage and he would be hungry later on. Then he spotted a forgotten orange flask lying at the bottom of the bag. Naruto pulled it out, a wicked grin forming on his lips. It was milk- or at least it had been a week ago.

Jumping up onto the table, he screwed off the lid with one hand before flinging the contents over the two females on the floor. The foul stench of sour milk steeped through the room and the students ran to the windows, desperately gagging for air. Ino and Sakura howled like a pair of wounded Marsh Country hippopotami. Bits of curd clung to their hair and all over their clothes.

"Damn," he muttered. "I thought witches were supposed to melt."

"That's water you idiot," wheezed Sasuke. "Kami, how long have you had that thing in your bag?"

"Seven days?" Naruto waved the open flask in the boy's face. Sasuke shrank back, his hand covering his nose. "You think this smells bad? I once found a dead rat behind my washing machine. Stupid fucker tried to chew through the wires and ended up getting fried. The burning hair was bad enough but then the maggots started setting in. A week there were flies everywhere."

"And why didn't you just throw it out?"

Naruto shrugged and put the lid back on the flask. "Dunno, morbid curiosity I suppose."

"UZUMAKI! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Sakura had finally shaken off the shock it seemed, unlike Ino who was too busy trying to pick the curdles from her skirt. Milk sprayed from her pink locks as she lunged towards him. In a knee jerk reaction, Naruto threw the flask at her. It sailed through the air as if in slow motion and landed, smack bang right in the middle of her large forehead.

The girl halted. Her hands shot towards the swelling bruise, tears began to form in her eyes. "Owww! That really hurt!"

"What is going on in here?" demanded a furious voice. The class turned as one to see Iruka-sensei standing in the doorway. "And what on earth is that smell?"

Everyone looked to Naruto. It didn't surprise him, there was certainly no camaraderie amongst cowards.

The man groaned and shook his head.

"My flask burst," he said innocently before either Ino or Sakura could say anything.

"He's lying," Sasuke interjected. "I threw it on them."

There was a collective gasp from the class, even Ino was at a loss. Naruto wasn't sure what the Uchiha was planning to achieve by taking the wrap, but he was certain that it wasn't an act of selflessness.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he mouthed at the boy. Sasuke ignored him.

"Sasuke!" said Iruka, finally recovering himself. "I'm surprised at you! Go stand outside."

All eyes followed the Uchiha towards the door in a stunned funeral silence. But before he opened it, he turned to Iruka. "Naruto did hit Sakura's head with it though."

Without a word, Iruka marched towards the blond boy, seized him by the back of his collar before hauling him out of his seat.

"It was an accident!" the blond protested at his teacher as he was thrown out of the room on his backside.

The door slid shut with a slam behind him and Naruto turned to glare at the Uchiha.

"So now that you've got me all alone, are you going to try and rape me?"

There was no ignorant foolishness playing on his face this time, Naruto was too tired and too annoyed to continue on with the farce.

For a second, Sasuke merely stared at him, unsure of how to answer the sudden venom that had steeped its way into the blond's every word.

"I'm not gay," he settled for eventually.

"Took you too long to answer that one," Naruto let out a low whistle as he stood up. "That's probably what you tell all your customers after you suck 'em off."

The Uchiha shot him a sour look. "You're an idiot."

"Better than being in denial."

"What would you know about that sort of stuff anyway?" Sasuke snapped after a moment.

"Why?_ Interested?_" Naruto yawned. "Time and boredom do wonderful things to the brain. That and NC-17 rated films."

Sasuke stared at him incredulously. "Your guardians let you watch those?"

"Whoever said anything about guardians? Its just little old me. Tragic, isn't it? Course you'd know all about that."

The dark haired boy's jaw clenched. "Don't group me in with the likes of you. At least my parents didn't abandon me."

"They got themselves killed, didn't they? Can't say I blame 'em. It seems to me like you were hardly worth the fight to stay alive for."

As Sasuke lunged at him, Naruto met him half way. It hardly a true fight by shinobi standards. Strategy was tossed out the window along with reason. The two boys punched and kicked at one another like wild animals. Their sandals squeaking off the floor as they rolled about, their limbs flailing.

When the boy's fist connected with his jaw, a deep, thundering chortle erupted from Naruto's throat. The Kyuubi had turned him into a masochistic. Sasuke stopped, suddenly confused. His own perfect face marred with blood.

Naruto seized the the opportunity the opening presented to punch Sasuke full force in the stomach. The boy sailed through the air before crashing against the nearby wall in a heap. He ran his tongue over his lips, savouring the taste of blood. Sasuke clambered to his unsteady feet, his arms gripping his stomach.

"Who are you really?" He demanded.

"Uzumaki Naruto," he replied as if he was talking to a two year old. "And if you'd been paying attention, you'd already know that by now, dumbass. Right!" Naruto yawned. "I'm gonna get some ramen."

"We have to wait here."

The blond snorted. "You can," he replied. "Since you volunteered for this."

For a moment Naruto thought that Sasuke was going to follow him, and was glad when he didn't in the end. He needed time to sort his own head out before he could even be bothered taking on the boy's questions.


	2. The Boy who Lived for Vengence

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter Two

"The Boy who lived for Vengeance"

Had Naruto been in any way philosophically inclined, he would have compared life and mortality to a flask. A very big flask with no lid and a tendency for spilling drops or litres. Bloodshed was a necessary inconvenience, although he probably would have been more careful of his own if he did not possess the Kyuubi's regenerative abilities. Unlike the nobler Konoha Shinobi who risked life and limb for their village, Naruto did not bleed for anything other than his own selfish desires and even those were stunted at a night's uninterrupted sleep.

He licked the blood from the bend of his wrist up to the torn skin on his knuckles, a jolt of pleasure ran down his spine at the taste. Naruto frowned. It must have been hunger, nothing else. The ten bowls of Ichiraku's ramen were now nothing but a pleasant memory.

"**Hurry up and destroy that boulder, worm!"**

He inhaled deeply and sighed, bored by the exercise. The rock in question cowered amongst the shattered remains of its brothers and sisters, wondering what on earth it had done to deserve such a fate. It's silent screams were lost on Naruto however, he could not pity an object who's very sedentary existence he envied. He summoned a substantial amount of chakra to his already healed fist and smashed it down on the granite. Thunder clamped and the rock exploded open like the petals of a flower.

"Can we go home now?" he demanded, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Ichi the Killer is on tonight."

"**Tired?"** taunted the beast.

The boy ground his teeth together. "I've done the circuits, gone through all the jutsus- Done the whole fucking thing! What more do you want?"

He was exasperated and bored, two dangerous evils for a thirteen year old. Since the opening of the gates of Heaven, Naruto was had grown disillusioned with his nightly routine. Repetition dulled what little joy he had previously derived from it. The circuits were lapped in half the time, jutsus executed with little excursion. He needed something new and challenging to help rouse his interest once more.

"**Continue!"** snarled the fox. **"Find another boulder - A bigger one!"**

Naruto wasn't quite sure what personal vendetta the Kyuubi held against boulders but he was getting rather sick and tired of the demon's hell bent genocide.

"Its not as if they're gonna go anywhere! They're rocks! Look, that movie is only on tonight and they won't let me rent it down at the shop."

They wouldn't let Naruto rent anything down at the local DVD rental store, period. They didn't even allow him in the shop, not that it had prevented him from breaking in on occasion. He would always return the DVDs by throwing them at their windows.

"**I do not care for your worthless hedonistic entertainment, worm. It leads to idleness and idleness leads to incompetence and incompetence-"**

"-gets you killed," Naruto finished, having memorised the rant a thousand times over. "Would you ever put a cap on it you paranoid fur ball?"

So engrossed in their bickering, both boy and demon failed to notice the unwanted visitor observing them from the shadows until they heard a very loud, very pointed clear of the throat. Naruto snapped his mouth shut and turned to see Uchiha Sasuke looking suspicious as usual. The boy had an uncanny knack for appearing at the most inconvenient of times.

"Who are you talking to?" Sasuke's cheeks were dirty and sweat streaked, his breath laboured. Had Naruto not known any better, he would have assumed that the boy had just come running from a very muddy battle field.

"Just practising some poetry," he said cheerfully as the Kyuubi cursed in his ears. "Busa Yuson, you know him?"

"Yosa Buson," Sasuke's eyes narrowed to slits. "And he doesn't have any poems containing the words "fur ball"."

Naruto grinned like a moron. "I'm reciting them for my cat, Fur Ball. He loves all them classical thingys. Very academic for a feline. He was just here a minute ago- Ran off though. He's kinda shy."

"Ah ha..."

"Well, I gotta go," the blond yawned. "I'm wrecked. Have fun playing with your-"

"What happened here?"

He looked at the crushed rock Sasuke was staring at. "I saw some narwhals hacking them up with their horns earlier."

"Narwhals are sea creatures," snapped Sasuke.

"Really?" Naruto's words sounded forced even to his own ears. His poorly constructed alibi was already swiftly unravelling before his eyes. "Well, it must've been a pretty long trek for 'em just to come up here and smash in some rocks."

Sasuke regarded him with the look of someone who's youth and good humour had long since evaporated. "How can they walk? They have fins!"

"They had four legs, probably mutated- No wait, that means they were unicorns."

The one major fault with Naruto's tall tales was that occasionally he ran afoul of someone who was actually intelligent. He had never put much thought into them and hadn't needed to either. Very few people spared him the time of day to listen, and even fewer had the patience to scrap to the bottom of the ridiculousness. The Uchiha wasn't buying it though. Once he had gotten his teeth in, Naruto very much doubted that he was the type to let go.

"Unicorns don't exist, you idiot."

"I saw 'em. Clear as day." He frowned. "Or night, cause its dark now-"

But Sasuke was no longer listening. His sharp blank stare scanned the boulders, his mouth curved in the silent "o"s and "ah"s of speech as if he was on the verge of some insane yet brilliant revelation. Naruto was quite certain that he did not want to be around for when it happened.

He turned back into the shadows and was just about to run when his survival instincts suddenly kicked in. His right hand stopped the oncoming kunai only millimetres away from the back of his head.

"Very good... So what's your next move?" Naruto's demeanour shifted to cool ice. He twirled the kunai between his fingers and leaned back against the tree, watching nonchalantly for what the boy would do.

Sasuke faltered a little as he ran through his contingency plans. It gave Naruto an immense feeling of satisfaction to see that he did not have one. Clearly, the kunai was supposed to dispel any suspicions rather than affirm them.

"You..." Naruto waited patiently for the Uchiha to finish compiling his evidence. "...At that range and speed you should not have been able to stop it. It's impossible for someone of your..." Sasuke struggled with his words. "...capabilities. These rocks were broken by a large expulsion of chakra- That punch earlier..." he trailed mystified before he shaking his head. "We both know you're useless at chakra control."

The blond smiled, a horrid cold damp rising through his face from the gap of his mouth. "Now that we are quite clear about my failings. What was it exactly you hoped to achieve by throwing this at me?" The kunai did one last swing of his forefinger before it stopped, erect and gleaming in the moonlight. "Kill me perhaps?"

Sasuke's frown drew a blood curdling chortle from the demon container. He could almost smell the self doubt rising from the boy as he weighed out the facts against the falsifications. In a word he was impressed by the Uchiha. He did not think that he would go to such drastic measures to expose him, and it had been a long time since Naruto had had anything to amuse himself with.

"Well? I'm listening."

"Your wounds are already healed."

Naruto ran his fingers over the now smooth bridge of his nose where Sasuke had left a nasty gash only hours earlier. "They do that. I've got a large amount of chakra reserve."

"Why?"

The blond shrugged calmly. "Genetics? I can't tell you why, I've always had it." He chose his words carefully but quickly enough not to arouse suspicion.

Sasuke appeared to accept this poorly informed explanation. "Then there was no cloaked attacker last night, it was you who broke the Sandaime's statue."

"Oops! Looks like you caught me," Naruto stabbed the kunai deep into the nearest tree trunk. "It was an accident- Honestly," he added as a flicker of disbelief crossed the boy's face. "I just got a little carried away during training. Gonna rat me out now, are you?"

Sasuke made a sharp noise. "Why would I? I don't gain anything from it and besides, I doubt that anyone would believe me. "

The icy lines on Naruto's face softened a little, he laughed. "True, isn't it remarkable just how god damn easy it is to manipulate people? Act like a fucking idiot long enough and they'll think you're incapable of anything."

"-So," he continued. "Now that you know the truth, what do you want? Or did you even think that far ahead? I reckon you didn't even consider this an outcome when you threw the kunai at me... Disappointed?"

For what it was worth, the Uchiha appeared to be unmoved the one-eighty flip in Naruto's personality, but then he already knew about it. He had witnessed it earlier at the academy. The dark haired boy folded his arms and fixed him with his trademark scowl.

"Spar with me."

It was Naruto's turn to be surprised. "By "spar" you mean "wrestle" with the outcome being something more sexual, right? And they say that romance is dead..." He trailed off, waiting for the Uchiha to explode.

Sasuke merely clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth in irritation. "You may not be as stupid as you pretend to be, but you're still an idiot. I want to compare strength."

"Not interested," yawned the blond. "Besides, I've got a movie to watch."

The dark hard boy inhaled deeply, filling up his lungs in preparation for a long run of speech he was not accustomed to making. "You owe me," he stated simply. "Not only did I take half the wrap for you today but Iruka also suspended the punishment until tomorrow because you decided that eating ramen was a better idea-"

"It was."

"-If you don't spar with me," he continued. "I'll tell Iruka the truth and you'll be left to deal with whatever he dishes out alone and believe me, it won't be writing lines this time. He was pretty damn pissed, remember?"

Naruto gave him an appraising look. "So you're blackmailing me then? Hah!"

"If I have to."

The blond's mouth twisted in an amused smirk. Uchiha was proving to be far more interesting than previously anticipated. "Fine," he relinquished eventually. "But make it quick. Ichi the Killer starts in twenty minutes."

Sasuke did not need telling twice. He launched into Naruto with a progressive attack. The blond blocked the first two and dodged the third with a flick of his head. Technically, Sasuke's footwork was very pretty, like a one person waltz with a hint of jive. He was fast, his blows slick but everything was too tame for Naruto's tastes. He deflected another chop with his forearms, locking them both in a stalemate.

"Come on! Aren't you going to fight back?" Sasuke demanded through the gaps in their arms.

The blond pouted. "And here was me giving you a proper sporting chance. Alright, Uchiha. You asked for it."

Naruto lifted his arms suddenly, causing Sasuke to lose his footing for a millisecond, but that was all the time he needed. His retribution was swift albeit lacking in the grace of the Uchiha's style. Sasuke fell back immediately under the ferocity of the advance. Naruto was strong, much stronger than him, and the beats rained down on the boy like a hammer on an anvil.

The opportunity to draw fists against an opponent had excited Naruto more than he expected it to. Still, he had to keep a careful reign on the ever growing blood lust building in his soul. It would do no good to injure him too badly. He fell back, waiting impatiently for Sasuke to regain his breath.

"You can hardly call that martial arts," panted the Uchiha. "Its more like brawling with a bear."

"Fighting isn't an art, princess," retorted the blond. The remark drew a particularly withering glare from his opponent.

"You're not taking this seriously." Sasuke's eyes flashed with unbridled rage.

Naruto pursed his lips together thoughtfully. "I wasn't aware that it was an obligation to do so."

Sasuke straightened up. There was a sudden warp in the energy field around his body as chakra spilled forth. Despite the darkness, Naruto's senses were honed finely enough to know what it meant; The Uchiha had brought his bloodline into play thus upping the ante in their fight. Somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind the Kyuubi cursed. Naruto ignored the demon, his interest peeked by the new development.

"The Sharigan, eh? I've got one or two little party tricks of my own." There was a thud as the weights around Naruto's ankles and wrists fell to the ground.

Sasuke and Naruto faced each other at a distance of barely five feet apart. They paused in the final moments before the storm broke: Sasuke aggravated. Naruto, a devilish smile upon his lips.

Then they fought.

At first it was a game of cat and mouse. With his speed finally unleashed, the blond ran rings around his opponent. Sasuke's sharigan could only watch in frustration as Naruto dipped and vanished in a whirl of leaves and dust, never coming close or slow enough to exchange blows.

The Uchiha roared at yet another near miss by his Great Fire Ball technique. "Stop. Running. Away!"

Naruto stopped behind him long enough to whisper in the boy's ear. "Temper, temper!" His words dissolved into laughter.

Quite unexpectedly, the sharp edge of a blade slice upwards from the top of his lip to the bottom of his eye. Naruto licked the blood, savouring the taste of copper. A feral beast roared into life within him. Sasuke turned with a triumphant smirk and kunai in hand, only to find something not quite human chortling back at him.

The punch that swiftly followed was not intended for the intensity of force with which it was delivered.

Seconds later Naruto blinked, his senses cleared. From the far end of the glade, the Uchiha was trying to claw his battered body upright with the aid of a tree. There were deep trenches scored into the earth and a wobble to Sasuke's movements, Naruto deducted that the fight was over and that he was the victor.

"Exactly seven minutes to spare. Excellent!" He grinned cheerfully at his watch. "Was that good enough for you or do you want another pounding?"

Sasuke spat viciously on the ground. Even in the dark it looked a little too thick to be comprised purely of spittle.

"Break anything?" Naruto implored hopefully.

"...Hnn," came the mumbled reply.

"Damn. I went too easy on you then."

A sudden sharp groan drew his attention back to the Uchiha. The boy was doubled over, his hand cupped around the side of his face. Naruto crossed their battle field in a few short strides and wrenched Sasuke's hand away. He was no med-nin but he could certainly tell a broken jaw when he saw one.

There was a rush of pride quickly followed by regret, he honestly had not intended to hit him so hard. The skin swelled angrily over the broken bone like a water melon. Sasuke glared at him, daring him to gloat.

"Fucking hell..." Naruto pulled a kunai from his combat pocket and sliced the blade deep across the palm of his hand. Sasuke stared at him as if he had gone completely insane. "C'mon," Naruto lifted his hand to him. "It's gonna close soon!"

It was quite clear from Sasuke's expression that he had absolutely no intention of becoming Naruto's first test subject. Time ticked by, already he could feel the itch of flesh knitting itself together. Naruto did the only thing he could do given the circumstances; He grabbed the boy by the jaw, drawing a painful scream, and forced his bloody hand into his mouth.

Sasuke kicked out in repulsion and agony. His tormentor held firm however, until the final drops of his blood trickled down the boy's throat and the wound sealed up completely. In hindsight it was a good thing that Naruto had taken his weights off, because his fingers narrowly escaped the guillotine when Sasuke's newly repaired jaw snapped shut.

"I take it, it worked," Naruto felt more than a little smug at the new revelation, if not a somewhat nauseated by the presence of the Uchiha's spittle on his hand.

Sasuke gave him a murderous glare before he turned to the side and proceeded to throw up his innards."What the hell is wrong with you?" he howled between the waves of vomit. "I could have gone to the hospi-_Uggh!_"

Naruto arched an eyebrow. He had never needed medical expertise himself so understandably hospitals were not what immediately sprung to mind when it came to procuring treatment.

"Quit whinging like a bitch," he snapped. "Besides, doctors ask questions."

Sasuke appeared to see the relevancy of his point. He sat up and wiped the blood, vomit and sweat from his chin. "How did you do that?" he croaked eventually. "Chakra and blood are two separate things."

Naruto shrugged. "Not for me it seems. Though I'm not really sure why."

"Have you got any theories?" asked Sasuke.

'_Lots'_, The blond thought silently. Blood was resilient, especially when charged with demonic chakra. He couldn't tell the boy that however. Instead he settled for a half truth. "I've got fast regenerative abilities because of my chakra. I kinda figured that it might work."

"_Figured?_"

Naruto snorted. "Be grateful, princess. Cause of me you'll be able to face your suitors tomorrow."

Much later as the ending credits of Ichi the Killer rolled up on screen, Naruto found himself wondering how exactly it had come to pass that the Uchiha was lying comatose in the centre of his bedroom floor. Still he made no move to remedy the situation and merely stepped over the boy's unconscious form on his way to bed. Against both of their better judgements, the first seeds of friendship had begun to sow themselves between the them.

* * *

Despite Sasuke's warning, Naruto went to class the next day smug in his folly that Iruka would turf out nothing more vexing than a hundred word apology. The later half of the morning passed without any indications of the horrors that were to come, although in retrospect Naruto felt he should have known that something was amiss when their teacher failed to chastise him for his lateness.

He rubbed Ino's skirt against the scrub board, suds oozed out of it like the innards of a slug. It was humiliating enough that he had to play washer woman to the two ugly sisters, without the Uchiha's smug smiles pouring vinegar on the wound. Naruto did not know which annoyed him more, Sasuke being correct or his own begrudged gratitude towards the boy for volunteering his services. Iruka was not a cruel man by nature, but leaving the milk to stain over night was a particular stroke of twisted genius.

There was a loud curse as the water splashed back and hit Sasuke's shirt. He glared at Naruto. "Stop thrashing your hands about!"

The boy flicked some more in his face.

"None of that!" From his desk Iruka-sensei gave him a seething glare, the newspaper in his hands crinkled at the edges with sheer frustration. He had already stopped short two previous attempts to turn his classroom into Wave Country. "Naruto, you're being incredibly obnoxious today."

Blond eyebrows arched in innocent surprise. "Moi?"

"Drop the sarcasm and stop messing!"

"But it's fun!" pouted the boy.

"I'm beginning to think that your lack of participation in class was a god send because you are behaving like a-" Their teacher stopped himself. "You're not allowed to be have fun. This is punishment, remember? Consider yourselves lucky, I'm letting you both off very lightly."

Although washing had not quite gained the notoriety of the iron maiden or the rack, Naruto firmly believed that it slotted in somewhere beneath the title of water torture. He glared down at the stubborn white splatters on Ino's dress, tempted to rip it in order to save himself the bother.

"Quit it so we can get this finished faster." Sasuke wiped a the droplets from his face.

"Stuff it Cinderella."

"Do you want me to drown you?"

The blond snickered. The Uchiha looked more woeful than usual with the black eye and bust lip he was sporting. Not only that, but his face had visibly greened at the suggestion of another few drops of Naruto's blood to heal them.

"Wha'cha reading?" Naruto called, returning to his game of "Aggravate Iruka".

The man didn't bothering looking up. "About the attack on the Hokage Monument. Utterly disgraceful if you ask me. Can you believe that they still haven't caught the person who's responsible?"

Naruto nodded innocently. "I reckon they should carve a new nose for the Sandaime out of Haruno's forehead," he whispered to his co-conspirator. "Kami knows it's fucking big enough. You could probably build a ten storey apartment complex on it with its own underground parking space."

"It would clash horribly, dobe," replied Sasuke out the side of his mouth.

Iruka's sharp ears had heard enough. He folded the newspaper and stared down the two children with a fury that could have burned forests. "I'm beginning to think that the flask incident was not quite the accident you two say it was."

Angelic was not a look either boy could ever hope to attain. Between Sasuke's stoicism and Naruto's malevolence, they managed to achieve a very constipated Satan.

"Bullying is not acceptable. I want you both to apologise to the girls this afternoon."

Naruto let out a sharp unintentional bark of laughter. "Apologise?" he exploded. "Why should I? The only thing that I'm sorry about is that the flask didn't knock some more dimensions into that shallow, idiotic personality of hers! It was a perfect hit and for what? Mankind has been denied a glorious service because it didn't penetrate her thick skull..." He panted, the dreadful realization of his own idiotic exposure sinking in like mildew.

Iruka's eyebrows had long since disappeared up into his headband. He was a man who knew his students- He knew them all by name, knew them all by nature. Naruto however, was clearly not the same dimwitted dreamer he had once been led to believe.

"E-E-Excuse me?" he spluttered. "Nothing excuses an act of unprovoked violence! You deliberately injured Sakura!"

Naruto gave up, covering his tracks would be utterly futile now. "Depends on what your definition of "unprovoked", sensei," he mused. "As far as I know attempted molestation is an act of sexual violence. Princess here could have been raped if I hadn't stepped in."

"As if I'd let them," hissed Sasuke. "And don't call me that!

Iruka was at a loss, he pinched his nose as if willing some unpleasant nightmare to vanish. "Most thirteen year olds don't even know what the words molestation and rape mean," he muttered to himself.

"Most thirteen year olds don't have dobe's taste in films." Sasuke's words screwed the cap closed on Iruka's now empty jar of delusions.

"Naruto," The man spoke with the type of solemness expected at a funeral. "I will have to speak with the Hokage about this."

"Speak with me about what?"

Naruto's jovial mood evaporated immediately at the sight of white and red robes. Time had deteriorated the Sandaime's once sharp, strong edges into wrinkled waste but still there was a semblance between him and his now mutilated statue. His eyes drifted from man to boy and boy and back.

Iruka jumped and bowed. "Sir, it is a great honour to have you here at the academy- _Bow!_" he hissed suddenly out the side of his mouth. Naruto pretended to act like he was talking to someone over his shoulder.

"All right," sighed the Hokage. "What has Naruto done now?"

Before Iruka could answer another voice, one filled with airs and venom, cut across him."I wasn't aware that Konoha's Genin Academy had taken on servants."

Sasuke threw down Sakura's dress immediately, his expression stone once more. Naruto followed the path of his eyes to the shrivelled alien with lavender white orbs, standing in the threshold. The newcomer had the look of a creature who had once been human, though many years had passed since he'd misplaced his soul. Naruto was almost certain that it had probably been tucked away and forgotten somewhere in the folds of his kimono.

"Not at all Hoshu-sama," smiled the Sandaime good naturedly. "It appears that these two boys are being disciplined for some mischief they have caused their sensei." His eyes lingered on Naruto as he spoke.

Hoshu snorted, exposing his gapped brown teeth. "So this is what passes for punishment these days? In my time the Sensei would make the undesirables stand for three hours on top of a pole with a full bucket of water in each hand."

"Who could ever forget good old Denjiro-sensei?" said the other man with a wistful look in his eye. "He was rather brutal with the cane remember? I still have the scars on my finger tips... Ah! Youth is such a grand thing."

"Children were made of harder stuff back then."

This seemed to amuse the Hokage somewhat, he turned his attention back to the young teacher. "Iruka, you remember Hyuuga Hoshu, the leader of the Hyuuga clan?"

"Yes, sir," their teacher bowed again, lower this time. Hoshu's pleasure rotted through his ancient face to his eyes. "Congratulations on your safe return to Konoha, Hyuuga-sama. Are you on it a temporary visit?"

"No, the main branch have all returned with me. I've come to inspect your school, Iruka-sensei. My granddaughter will be enrolling in your class as of tomorrow." He frowned at his surroundings. His pale eyes darted to the dog-eared posters and scuffs on the floor. "Not much has changed in sixty years. The school in Getsugakure was state of the art."

Iruka looked nervously to the Hokage who laughed. "We're sticklers for tradition here, Hoshu. Hinata, what do you think?"

"I think that it's perfectly adequate," answered a soft voice. "Besides, it doesn't matter about the wrapping, Ojii-san. It's the contents which count." Naruto's attention was drawn to the small, ghost of a girl inspecting their classroom. Her skin was pale, almost translucent in colour and her short dark indigo made it seem even more so.

"Did you realise she was there?" he whispered to Sasuke.

"No."

Naruto resisted the urge to shudder at the strange milky lavender orbs she had inherited from her grandfather.

"Nice to meet you Hinata-chan," Iruka smiled down at her. "My name is Iruka."

"No need to add the "chan", sensei," the girl replied tactfully. "Terms of endearment only make my name sound even more ill fitting than it already is."

Had it not been for the thankless punishment Iruka was subjecting Naruto to, he almost would have felt sorry for him. Their sensei stared at the girl speechless, his eyes wandering to her smug grandfather and then back.

"What my granddaughter lacks in age and experience, she makes up for with her dedication and maturity," said the man proudly. "As to be expected of the Hyuuga heiress."

Sasuke was watching the interaction with hawk like precision, his arms folded and back straight. Naruto could only assume that it was a clan rivalry thing. There was something about being born with a bloodline that gave you a superiority complex.

"Everyone else is out on lunch right now, but I'll just introduce you to two of the students you'll be sharing your class with-"

"I do not wish for my granddaughter to be associating with the local degenerates," The Clan Head spoke as if neither himself nor Sasuke were present.

Naruto had had quite enough. "Who you calling a degenerate, you old fart? You're the one who's got no teeth."

Hoshu twisted on his heel, his strange eyes alight with fury. He huffed and grew in redness and rage. "What did you just say, you insolent brat?"

The boy jutted his jaw out impudently. "You heard me, or are you deaf as well as fucking ignorant?"

"Naruto!" gasped Iruka in horrified rage. "What are you- Apologise right this instant!"

"Give me another detention, I don't care cause I'm sure as hell not apologising to this prick."

Hoshu's rage turned to sudden suspicion. He looked the blond up and down, not bothering to hide his contempt. "I assume that your family name is Uzumaki?"

"If the glove fits, sure." Naruto could almost hear what was going on in Hoshu's withered brain. "I could be the god damn Kyuubi no Kitsune as far as your concerned."

It was interesting to see the reaction those words had on his elders. The three men froze, looking anywhere but each other before they each individually decided to focus in on Naruto's face. Hokage, sensei and clan leader all stared at him as they tried to assess how much he knew, if indeed he knew anything at all about the demon.

"**Silence you fool!"** roared the Kyuubi, suddenly awoken from its slumber.

Naruto ignored it and stared the three men down, not betraying a single emotion until eventually the Sandaime stepped into break the ice.

"Don't worry, Hoshu," he said, although he looked worried himself. "Naruto is one of the most unprejudiced people you will ever meet. He treats everyone with equal contempt." He smiled kindly at the blond. "And that's what makes him one of the more interesting and colourful characters we have in Konoha."

"Damn straight," muttered Naruto.

"And this other boy is our top student and most promising young genin, Uc-"

"Uchiha," Sasuke interrupted in a haughty voice. "Uchiha Sasuke."

Hoshu looked him up and down with a mixture of interest and disdain. "The last of the Sharigan clan, I see. I will be watching to see what type of man you will become."

The thinly veiled threat was left to tighten between them. Sasuke was very still. His chin tilted up ever so slightly.

The Sandaime coughed pointedly in an effort to draw Hoshu's attention back to him. "Now, Iruka I was wondering if you'd help me escort Hoshu-sama and Hinata around the school on a brief tour? Its been so many years since I last was here, that I'm afraid this old brain has forgotten much."

Iruka jumped to attention. "Yes, sir! Of course, sir! I'll be more then willing to. You two!" he rounded on Sasuke and Naruto. "Stay here and wait until I get back. Naruto, I will be having words with you-"

"Yeah, yeah!" the boy brushed it off.

His teacher glared. "And don't you dare get up to anything while I'm gone, you hear me!" He bustled out the door, Hoshu quickly following behind him.

"Boys," called the Sandaime. "I would greatly appreciate it, if you found some time to drop by my office this week. It seems that you were both out on the night my statue underwent some drastic surgery."

"It's an improvement, old man!" Naruto called after him but inwardly he was cursing his ill luck.

"Em, excuse me?"

Naruto stared around wildly only to find Hinata on the floor with her forehead pressed against the wood in a deep bow.

"Please forgive my grandfather for his cruel and hurtful words," she spoke against the floor. "He's-"

"A bit of a dick?" Naruto cut in. "Yeah, we noticed."

"Hnn," grunted Sasuke.

The girl raised her head and gave them a small smile. "I was going to say that he is not very good with interacting with new people-" The blond let out a low whistle. "-But I think that your words are far more fitting given his atrocious behaviour," she finished. "I hope you will bear no ill will towards the Hyuuga name because of him."

"HINATA!" boomed Hoshu's voice from somewhere down the corridor.

"It was a pleasure making your acquaintance and once again my most sincerest apologises for all offence caused," she said as she stood up with another bow more befitting for one of her station. "If you'd please excuse me, I have to go."

Naruto watched her go, slack jawed and boggled eyed. Never had he been subjected to such polite behaviour before. He turned to Sasuke who had returned to the laundry.

"Clan protocol," said the boy, following his companion's silent line of questioning. "Hinata's going to be the next Hyuuga head and therefore has to maintain the clan's honour. An apology from her is as good as one from the mouth of her grandfather."

Naruto pursed his lips together thoughtfully. He had never understood the clan mentality, but then he had never been part of something like that. "Interesting... Wanna call her back and demand she cuts off her pinkie in compensation?"

"Idiot," snorted Sasuke. "That's only used when a member of her clan has either killed or gravely injured a member of another. Blood for blood. It stops unnecessary deaths."

"And what about your brother? You gonna show him the same bullshit mercy?"

The Uchiha stiffened. "Don't be stupid. I'm going to kill him. The Uchiha's honour demands it."

Naruto's deep chuckle drew an aggravated growl from the boy.

"You don't believe me?" he snarled, throwing Sakura's dress in his face.

Naruto ducked. It sailed harmlessly over his head, sprinkling him with water before it hit the floor.

"No," he replied honestly. "But I've just realised that you're less of a fucking sympathy case than I originally thought."

Sasuke had gone silent, his knuckles white against the lip of the basin. Naruto reached down and picked up the dress.

"Cheer up."

There was a loud smack as wet cloth hit Sasuke across the nose.


	3. The Boy who Lived in a Shadow

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter 3

"The Boy who Lived for the Moment"

Naruto pushed open the door to his bathroom and peered in.

The tail ends of toilet rolls and half used shampoo bottles lay scattered across the floor tiles like severed limbs on a minefield. Nothing seemed to be out of order, aside from the usual mess. He crossed the threshold to the sink, almost tripping upon a pile of dirty towels along the way. With one hand, Naruto firmly tightened the cap of the cold tap to off and the dripping slowed to a stop. A last solitary blob clung to the spout defiantly. It would wait until he was back in bed before letting itself drop.

Naruto sighed and ran his hands over his tired face. He had no idea what time it was. He didn't want to know what time it was. The lightening dark on his tiles whispered that it was somewhere at odds with morning.

He stared at his reflection in the medicine cabinet above the sink. There were probably zombies who could exhibit more life than he was at that present moment. His limbs were heavy. The skin around his eyes puffy and dark from sleep deprivation. Naruto traced his fingers over the thin whisker marks on his cheeks. The night's training had been particularly harsh, and then the Uchiha had popped up for another beating. He cursed both boy and beast in one breath.

His reflection grinned at him and the door slammed shut.

Naruto reeled around immediately. "Who's there?" he called out.

The thundering clunk of metal pipes answered. Naruto stumbled towards the exit, kicking aside the shampoo bottles as he went. Upon reaching it, he grappled for the handle only to fall forward to an empty space.

Then the taps exploded.

There was water everywhere. Naruto fiddled frantically with the caps only to have the whole tap break off in his hands. He threw the useless metal behind him, grabbed a towel and tried unsuccessfully to plug the pipes with it. Above the bath, the shower head thrashed in the air like a snake. It twisted around and around in circles, spraying water all over the tiles and floor.

Eventually Naruto had no choice but to stand back and watch as the liquid spilled over the lips of his basin, bath and toilet. It was not normal water. It stank of salt and oozed across the floor like slime. When it finally reached his toes, Naruto jumped back as though he had been scalded- Not hot but icily painful.

Something in the water clawed at his heart, filling him with desperate fear as it slowly worked its way up his legs. With nowhere else to go, Naruto jumped on top of his washing basket and hammered his fists against the wall. He yelled, screamed his lungs raw for someone to come and save him.

He froze in mid thump. All thoughts of rescue evaporated from his mind like smoke. Something had moved beneath the seal.

With shaky fingers, he scraped back the hem of his t-shirt. A lump, no bigger than the tip of his little finger, protruded outwards from beneath the sallow flesh and black ink of the Kyuubi's seal. Naruto swallowed. Practising all the caution one would use when feeding a crocodile, he poked it with his finger.

The lump gave an angry shudder.

Others began to appear. They popped up like the air pockets on bubble wrap and wriggled beneath the flesh like maggots in a balloon. The skin stretched over them as they pushed outwards, growing ever bigger in length and size.

Terror sent his mind into over drive, Naruto stumbled off the basket, his flesh screamed with agony as it touched water. Had it not been for the thing in his stomach, he would have laid in it. He would have allowed himself to be completely submerged in its misery until all other thought and feeling dissolved.

But the thing within him continued to bubble and grow. Fear of it alone pulled him from the water's icy grip towards the cabinet mirror. Naruto stared into the eyes of his own ghastly reflection. The taunt skin of his stomach snapped tight around the lumps the more they stretched, sculpting the muscle and form of the thing beneath. A head, a pair of hands... A roaring snout.

Eventually his skin could take no more. The thing burst forth, claws first into the atmosphere. Blood exploded everywhere- On the mirror, in the sink, down his own trembling legs. Bloody claws gripped either side of the basin. The creature shuddered and heaved as it began to pull its lower torso from the pits of the boy's stomach. Its movements were contorted and pained, they cracked like a snap wrap across the wrist.

Naruto's legs finally gave out from under him. The beast lifted its feet from his fallen form with relative ease, flexed its bloody bare back and snarled. Neither human nor animal, it turned to him in all its naked horror.

Naruto could only watch paralysed as his blood began to crawl its way up the beast's body towards its monstrous head. Upon reaching the crown of the skull, it steeped into the pores and for a moment the creature stood- Void of colour and features like an unpainted figurine.

Then blond hair prickled forth. It lengthened into fat quills on the head, before parting itself horizontally to let a pair of pointed red ears twitch up through the crack of flesh. On the tip of the beast's snout, the skin pigment blackened to a button of coal. Muscles and lines grew more feral and rugged until finally it was complete.

The water had turned to the consistency of hard cement. It formed a sarcophagus around Naruto's body, trapping him against the floor. He lay there helpless, staring at the strands of drool that hung from the beast's jaws in long bungee ropes. Its wild red eyes leered at the boy. The thing snapped its fangs together in a swift, hard repetitive motion. Naruto opened his mouth to scream only to find that he already was.

It dropped in a crouch over his imprisoned form, and sniffed the length and breath of his body. Naruto struggled against his constraints. His breath was sharp and quick as he began hyperventilate. The beast stopped over the hole in his stomach. It leered at him, licked its lips and with a chortling snort, it plunged its hand into to him.

Naruto's world exploded in agony.

He awoke seconds later, terrified and in pain and standing alone in the middle of his dry bathroom. His frantic blue eyes wandered the familiar sights of white tiles and empty bottles for any sign of the beast. He fumbled with his t-shirt, pulling it off to reveal the unmarked flesh beneath. Slowly rationality began to return. Naruto screwed his eyes shut.

It had been a nightmare.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" he yelled.

The Kyuubi did not reply.

He shivered at the cold sheet of sweat clinging to the centre of his back. Naruto reached for a towel only to stop. His hand was bleeding from a deep gash along the middle of his knuckles.

"What the...?" he trailed off dumbfounded.

It was not unusual for him to find himself standing or lying in the room featured in his nightmare. Whether it was the Kyuubi's doing or a sick personal joke on the part of his body, he wasn't sure. The injury was a new development however. His fingers ran themselves over the bloody wound, already he could feel the itch of knitting flesh.

He moved towards the door only to hear a crunch beneath his foot. Shards of broken glass gleamed up at him. Naruto frowned as he looked to the empty cabinet door above his sink. So much for his luck for the next seven years. A cold ominous feeling spread through him at the thought.

Naruto exited the bathroom, the glass sparkling on the floor behind him.

* * *

"Dobe, you're drooling."

Naruto raised his head at the sound of the Uchiha's voice.

He frowned and wiped his sleeve over his mouth. He was in class- No wonder his pillow had felt hard. Slowly, as the monkeys in his mind began hammering at their typewriters, the sequence of events which led to his waking, rolled themselves out before him. It wasn't particularly awe inspiring, but then routine never was. Especially when he had slept badly the night before.

Naruto immediately banished all thoughts of water and exploding stomach monsters to the house in the back of his subconscious. It had been the Kyuubi's doing beyond a doubt. It bore all the trademarks of its style. He lowered his chin against the desk miserably. It had been a miracle he had gotten any sleep after it. He hadn't even been able to bring himself to eat a cup of ramen that morning.

"We're inside for recess," Sasuke's continued.

Naruto followed his thumb to the playground outside. Heavy sheets of rain were being herded across the asphalt by the wind. A cold shudder ran down his back at the sight of water.

"The new girl's here."

The blond's eyes narrowed at Sasuke's third attempt to draw him into conversation. His poor appearance was no doubt to blame for the boy's uncharacteristic vocal display.

"Scouting her out to be the new president of your fanclub?" He finally spoke.

Sasuke's face morphed back into his trademark scowl.

"Those looks would be a lot more effective if you actually had some balls to back them up," mocked Naruto. "You might wanna try lifting some weights cause you punch like a granny."

"Fuck you."

"You wish."

Dogs were equip with smell, bat's sonar, the Uchiha had been born with a built in Naruto honing device. No sooner had the blond arrived at what he thought was a remote spot, the boy had miraculously appeared demanding a rematch. It had been far less bloody then their first. Sasuke had learned that caution was his best weapon when dealing with the volatile container.

Naruto for his part, had also tried practising caution, although it came to mixed results. Thankfully, there were no broken bones, however he did managed to dislocate the boy's shoulder. It had taken a long time, along with a lot of coxing, before Naruto was finally allowed close enough to help him reset it.

He was aware of the pattern that was beginning to emerge between them. If Sasuke insisted on continuing with his apparition act, Naruto would have no choice but to include him in his training. He didn't know whether the idea amused or annoyed him, although the prospect of spreading his misery was certainly attractive.

"I do weights," admitted Sasuke eventually.

"A nail file hardly constitutes for a weight, Princess."

"Dumbbells, dick head."

Naruto let out a low whistle. "So they make those in silk now?"

The tell-tale aggravated clench in Sasuke's jaw quickly dissipated back into the cool disinterest. "Whatever. You're annoying."

The blond sighed. "Do you want me to show you how to train or something? Is that why you keep turning up to challenge me?" he asked finally. It was an invitation disguised as a taunt. Nether child felt comfortable with expressing their actual desire to spend time in the other's company.

Sasuke snorted. "Why the hell would I want that?"

"Dunno," shrugged Naruto. "You're the one who keeps popping your fat head up every time I go out. It's getting damn irritating. I've got better things to do then pander to your every need, Princess."

The boy shifted a little in his seat, deliberating Naruto's non-invitation. "Well, since you obviously need to be shown how to throw a kunai properly without stabbing yourself in the leg-"

Naruto graced him with a very sharp smile. "Or in yours."

"-I might. That's if I've got nothing better to do," he added quickly.

"Suit yourself," yawned the blond. "I'll be over near the quarry at nine. Show up if you feel man enough for it."

After the agreement was reached, both of the boys came away with a sense of excitement and relief. Neither of their prides had been blemished with the exchange. They had not gone and agreed to do something as stupid as becoming friends. It was simply an open challenge.

"Sasuke-kun?"

Sakura made a point of keeping her back Naruto as she tried to engage Sasuke in conversation. The flask incident had only boosted his popularity amongst the girls, much to the Uchiha's disdain. Naruto wasn't too pleased with the outcome either. The girls believed Sasuke was only done it out of pity, when in actual fact the reality was far less noble than that.

"-I heard that we'll have to do a transformation technique for the test."

Sasuke grunted in reply. He was far too busy looking past her to where Naruto was enacting her brutal murder with the aid of a large eraser, five pens and a kunai.

"_Ea-sy!_" Ino raised her loud voice once again.

She sat up from where she had been talking with Hinata. Naruto hadn't noticed that the new girl was seated so close to them until that very moment. The heiress's eyes drifted from the now mutilated eraser to Sakura. He grinned.

"For Sasuke-kun and myself, yes." Haruno gave a flick of her hair to empathise her point.

Her rival's blue eyes hardened. "What's that supposed to mean? I bet you I could do a clone of you!"

"That's simple," piped up Naruto, dropping his instruments of torture. "Just put on a pink wig and stick a cucumber down your pants."

Ino's appreciative smile turned to a scowl once she realised who it was had spoken. To his right, Sasuke was fighting to keep to keep his stoic mask in place.

"How dare you! I don't have a-a..." Sakura struggled with the word.

"Dick?" Naruto offered helpfully.

The girl wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Of course not. They're gross."

"I see." He nodded. "So you hide your sexuality behind an obsession for the Uchiha. Very clever."

"Are you saying that I fancy girls?" Her green eyes widened with alarm. "I don't like girls. Honestly don't!" she told Sasuke. "_Him!_" Her furious finger pointed at Naruto. "He's twisting my words."

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."

"Dobe calls everyone gay," Sasuke told her before sinking back into his silence.

It was probably one of the few times that the Uchiha had ever spoken directly to the girl, although Naruto was convinced that he only did it to stop the alarming red swell of her head. If her brains happened to explode, they would have done dreadful things to Sasuke's white and blue ensemble.

"They should be. The world would happier place because of it," said Naruto.

Even the Uchiha could not argue with this.

"And what about you?" came the clear voice of Hyuuga Hinata. She did not appear to be in the least bit amused by their conversation.

"Me?" He scratched the back of his head. "Right now, I'd say that I'm attracted to girls but who knows? Maybe in a few years I'll develop an overwhelming urge to go and shag a turtle-" He looked at Sakura and then to Ino. "-And judging by the calibre of the females here, that might just be the case."

"_A turtle?_" The mauled carcasses of a hundred babes could not have provoked a more disgusted tone from the Uchiha.

Naruto shrugged. "You might just be in luck and I'll develop a taste for men."

His audience were at a loss for words. The blond felt immensely pleased with himself as he watched their mouths open and close like cod fish.

Eventually Sasuke spoke. "There's a thing called dignity, dobe. Do us all a favour and get yourself acquainted with it."

Naruto simply grinned and turned his attention back to his original victim.

"Sooo, Witchie-poo! I heard that there's a support group for people of your inclinations down at the hospital. You should tag along while you're still young. Maybe you'll even find yourself a girlfriend? Someone to share the difficult teenage years with."

"Shut up!" exploded Sakura. "Just shut up! You vile, immature, stu-"

"Calm down Sakura-chan," said Hinata reasonably. "He's obviously just saying these things to get rise out of you." Haruno's nostrils flared but she did what she was told.

Naruto had a sneaking suspicion- No, an outright conviction that the young Hyuuga heiress did not like him very much.

"How's your _Oni_-san?"

"I believe the word you are looking for is _Ojii_-san. My grandfather is not my brother nor is he a demon, if that's what you're trying to insinuate," replied Hinata unruffled.

Naruto smiled at her in all innocences. "Why would I want to do a thing like that?"

"I know your type, Uzumaki," Hinata kept her voice incredibly level.

"Type?" he repeated. "Is this something you read in one of those shitty ass magazines that tell you all about zodiac compatibility? Go on Sunshine, enlighten me."

She deliberated for a moment. "I'd rather not. And it's not from a magazine either," she added. "Just from my own observations."

Naruto cocked an eyebrow. "So you spend your time stalking people- That's really damn freaky."

Something inside of the girl snapped. Her strange eyes hardened. "Since you insist, I will tell you. You are the type of person who says things for shock value because it makes you feel intelligent. You enjoy aggravating people for your own childish self gratification. The truth is." She took a sharp intake in preparation for her killing blow. "Is that somewhere deep inside, you are actually incredibly frightened and alone and this is the only way you can hope of getting attention."

The lines of his smile grew feral. "Sunshine," he began softly with only a hint of malice. "You need to get a pair of glasses and maybe a hearing aid cause you're observations are shit. There isn't anyone like me in existence and that's a fact."

"Try me. I have an excellent judge of character."

"Modest, aren't we?" Despite his snicker, his pride was smarting a little. Hinata's words had bugged him more than he would care to admit. He wasn't frightened and he sure as hell didn't mind being alone. It annoyed him to think that he could be boxed in so easily with the likes of Sasuke.

"I am merely stating a fact." she replied.

"Alright, if you're so good at this then what's your take on our local fucking sympathy case?" He pointed to the Uchiha as he spoke.

"It's not nice to speak of other people's hurts in that way, especially when you don't understand them." Her eyes flickered to Sasuke. "Although I do admit, you could try being a little friendlier to the people who like you." And with that she turned back to them both.

"_Sympathy case?_" A piece had crumbled and fallen away from the Uchiha's stone façade to reveal the molten rage beneath. "You're the damn sympathy case, you piece of shit."

The blond ignored him. "I have to hand it to her, she's pretty damn good. Except for that crap about me being frightened and alone, _that _almost downgrades me to your level."

"Fuck you! And you two piss off," he barked at Sakura and Ino. "You're giving me a headache." The girls scattered, hurt by his uncharacteristic outburst.

Unbeknownst to the furious boy, Naruto was secretly congratulating himself on a job well done. Provoking Sasuke's anger had developed into a twisted game for him. He despised the expressionless mask the Uchiha wore daily. It made the nihilist within him want to smash it just to see what the outcome would be.

The second half of his attack was stalled by a long, deep growl. Naruto glared over his desk at the white puppy snarling at his feet. Usually dogs and other animals tended to avoid him which suited the boy perfectly as he did not care for them much either. Having his very own demon fox had long since rid him of any affection towards all things cute and fluffy. The dog snapped and bared its white fangs.

"Inuzuka, call your damn mutt off," Naruto called out to the owner.

At the sound of his name, Inuzuka Kiba tore his gaze away from whatever porn magazine himself and his fat friend, Choji were engrossed in. He glanced to his irate canine. "Akamaru's not doing nothing."

"Well get him go to do nothing elsewhere."

Beneath a fur-rimmed hood, diamond eyes widened with glee. "Afraid of dogs, pussy?"

"No," replied Naruto very patiently. The dog nin was not exactly renowned for his intelligence. "I hate them, there's a big difference there, Mutt. Hating means that I might actually be inclined to kick it if it annoys me."

"You wouldn't dare!" Hinata twisted around in her seat at remarkable speed.

"Don't worry, Sunshine," he told her with a wink. "I reserve my punches solely for the Princess."

Sasuke did not rise to defend himself this time. He sat, eyes hard and glaring. Naruto knew that he had pushed him too far. Part of him was relishing in it, another minuscule part felt something that normal people would have recognised as guilt.

"Inuzuka!" Naruto turned his attention back to the boy. "I'm only gonna say this one more time. Call off your damn dog or else I'll euthanize it."

Kiba scoffed and returned to his magazine. The blond sighed as he watched the puppy grow more and more irate with each passing moment. Akamaru differentiated between bark and growl, rattling backwards on his paws with the force of his own cries.

"Blame your stupid owner," Naruto told the animal. A serge of Kyuubi chakra burst to his eyes.

There was a piercing yelp as Akamaru was thrown suddenly onto his back, his four legs straight in the air like an electrocuted pigeon.

Kiba jumped to his feet with a bang. "What did you do to him, ass hole?" He pushed his way towards Naruto. Classmates and lunches were sent flying under his advance.

"Didn't touch him!" he called back. He looked at Hinata. "See, I told you I wouldn't touch him."

"You did something!" she hissed. Naruto just tapped the side of his nose secretively.

Animals were simple beasts. Once dominance was asserted they would back down, retreat to their corner and stay there until the coast was clear. One might say they were far more sensible that most humans beings because they were driven by an overwhelming desire to survive. Sadly, ninety nine percent of humans did not share this wish, Inuzuka Kiba among them.

The moment the dog nin reached Naruto, he wasted no time seizing the blond by the collar of his t-shit and hauling him upright. "What the hell did you do to Maru?"

Naruto stared up into his angry diamond eyes unimpressed. "Just asserted who was the alpha-male. Look, he's fine now."

Fine was far throw in the pond of optimism, the puppy had only just started to move again. Akamaru would recover, he was a dog after all. They were resilient like that. At least now he would have the good sense to keep a safe distance between himself and Naruto at all times. Kiba hissed something at Akamaru and the puppy ran for cover beneath the teacher's desk.

"Don't," Sasuke spoke up suddenly.

The boy hesitated. "You gonna back him up?"

The Uchiha then gave what was possibly one of the most begrudging compliments ever to pass his pretty lips. "Dobe doesn't need back up."

The dog nin's eyes lingered on Sasuke's fading yellow bruises and the cogs in his minds slowly clicked into place. "Uzumaki did that to you? Seriously? Hah!" He broke off, roaring with laughter.

The Uchiha bristled as the class gawked in surprise. The look he gave Naruto demanded nothing less than bloody massacre.

The blond gave him a brief salute before turning back to Kiba. "Wanna do this or not?" He jerked his head towards the empty floor space before Iruka's desk.

"Kiba-kun," said Hinata carefully. She was eyeing Naruto now, watching how the lines in his tanned face twisted. "I really think that you should reconsider this."

"No offence Hinata, but this is a fight between two men. You know, glory and all that-"

"The word is honour, idiot," interjected Sasuke.

Naruto pulled himself from Kiba's grip and slouched down the steps. There would be nothing to gain from such a pointless confrontation, only trouble. As they turned to face one another, Naruto could not deny the ball of anticipation growing in his belly.

Kiba came at him with ferocity, his body driven by his thirst for revenge. The dog nin leapt into the air, preparing to bear down upon his opponent with a kick. Naruto caught it on the cross of his forearms. He locked them around it and threw the boy sideways into the desks. A quick somersault done in the nick of time, was all that saved Kiba from eating wood.

He was nowhere near as skilled or as quick as the Uchiha, but Kiba's attacks were loaded with raw force. His blows were hard enough that Naruto found himself loosing ground. The blond ducked and rolled to the side. The boy's kick easily missed him, but even he had to admire the dent left in its wake. Praise was short lived however as Kiba finally managed to land one of his packed kicks straight in Naruto's distracted face.

The blond sailed backwards, flipped in the air and then landed in a crouched position. Kiba shouted some moronic gloat at him while the class cheered him on, unaware of the beast he had just released. It was an impulse reaction. Once blood touched his tongue, Naruto's world began to sing.

A stream of sporadic chuckles escaped as he rose to his feet. The blood flow pouring from his nose staunched itself almost immediately. Naruto cracked his knuckles off his palms. He hadn't finished playing yet.

The next few moments were a blur of fists and red. He watched from behind a crimson haze as his hands and feet, kicked and tossed the Inuzuka's battered body around like a rag doll. Someone yelled at him. A a pair of hands seize him by his shoulders. Naruto's skull cracked down against his assailant in automatic response. The sickening hard crunch of bone against bone, followed by blunt pain made the mist evaporate like smoke. Naruto turned to see Sasuke holding his nose.

"Thanks prick," The Uchiha muttered through the blood flow. "You dislocated it." There was and odd squelching crack as he clicked it back into place.

"Where's the Mutt?" Naruto asked. He followed Sasuke's finger to the crumpled mess behind him. His eyes widened as he bent down for a better look. "Holy shit does he look like he's been hit in the face with a blender."

"Just about everything that meets you ends up looking like that," replied Sasuke, crouching down beside him.

Naruto dragged his eyes over the boy's bruised and bloody face. It was nothing compared to the state he had left the Uchiha in. Still, he could not be sure.

"You alive?" There was no response.

As he reached over to check for a pulse, the dog nin twisted his head around and stared at him warily with his good eye.

"A'm wright. 'ive up..." Kiba mumbled, blood dribbled down his lips. "Zurrender-" He winced. "Oww! Maw twaunge."

"Open up," Sasuke ordered him.

The dog nin complied. A tiny piece of flesh on the left hand side of his tongue had been nearly severed completely from the muscle. The self inflicted bite marks all around it pointed nowhere but to its owner.

"Interesting." Naruto's reaction drew a withering looked from the Uchiha. "What?" The blond pouted. "I was only saying how impressed I am that the worst injury he got was one he did to himself! Hey Kiba," he nodded his head to the other boy. "Want some medicine?"

"No," the Uchiha told him firmly. "He needs the hospital."

"Mine works better."

Sasuke jerked his head meaningfully in the direction of their forgotten audience.

"Oh yeah." Only then did it dawn on Naruto that his take on blood donations might led to a sudden serge in garlic cloves and crosses. His classmates had just been terrified enough by him already without him adding to their fears.

"'ospital gud..." grunted Kiba. "...Pwutty 'urses."

"I'll go get Iruka-sensei!" called Hinata as she made a beeline towards the door.

"No!" the two boys yelled together. She stopped and looked at Kiba.

The boy shook his head in agreement with them. "Nawh, on't. 'e'll 'ill uz."

"We'll bring him," said Naruto. He pulled the dog nin's arm over his shoulder, hauling him to his feet. "I promise I won't, er, hurt him," he said at her sceptical look. "Got his other arm, Princess?"

Sasuke glared at him. "Shut up or I'll batter you with it."

"The bell's going to go any minute now," protested the girl. "Wouldn't it be better to wait for him?"

The boys ignored her as they half walked, half dragged Kiba from the room, his dog followed closely behind. The time for reprisals was later.

* * *

Umbrellas were not the only things to bloom beneath the rain. The three boys tripped and swaggered their way to the hospital. It could have been the forced closeness of space or maybe just the camaraderie only boys who misbehaved could share, either way something connected between them. Drenched, bloody and in high spirits, they stared off the curious looks of adults between them, daring all mere mortals to intervene.

"I still can't believe that you're a goddamn berserker," wondered Sasuke aloud for the fourth time.

"I'm a man of many surprises," replied Naruto. "Sometimes I even surprise myself... How much do you bet Iruka's already out looking for me?" He peered over his shoulder again for any sign of the familiar horizontal scar.

"That giant Shuriken you have in your bathroom."

"Oh that thing," said Naruto, suddenly remembering it. "You can have it. I swiped it from one of the gatehouses about two years ago."

"Mwaroo 'ell uz w'out 'ruka," said Kiba helpfully.

"He's talking about the dog sensing Iruka for us," explained Sasuke, catching the question on Naruto's cocked eyebrow.

Akamaru had been following obediently behind them, only letting loose a stray concern whimper when his owner winced.

"Think you'll be expelled?"

Naruto shook his head. "Nah! What else will they do with me? Besides we're Shinobi. It's an occupational hazarded."

"Twooh," Kiba nodded. "Nawt yor fawlt awny'az, 'ude. Wha' uz 'ooking at?" he growled at two passing chunin. " 'ike Ai zed, it maw fawlt."

"Sorry Mutt, but I have no fucking clue what you're saying."

"He agrees with you," snapped Sasuke, aggravated. "That it wasn't your fault but his."

In truth, Naruto understood every word that came from the dog nin's mouth. He just enjoyed watching the Uchiha being forced to partake in his least favourite activity- Talking.

"No hard feelings then?"

"Nawh."

"Even you can understand that!" Sasuke growled at his expectant face.

"Nice?" he asked innocently.

Kiba chuckled a little. "Thu thwoo 're thwoo wunny 'udes."

"You're a bloody riot yourself," said the Uchiha with the utmost sarcasm. "Only a true idiot would bite a chunk out of their own tongue."

Kiba surprisingly looked a little sheepish. "Warry. A'm 'inda stoopid."

"Yeah well, think next time." Sasuke did not sound half as critical as he had probably intended. There was a disarmingly honest quality about Kiba that even he was not immune to.

"Gawwh!" Naruto burst out obnoxiously. "I never knew that you could be so sweet. It makes me wanna cry."

"Fuck off." The Uchiha once again retreated to the safety of his mask.

Naruto winked at the dog nin, who cracked back a smile despite his pain. There was a loud bark from Akamaru, Naruto felt his stomach shrink. "Shit."

The three boys hobbled as quickly as they could into the nearest side street and hid themselves behind a bin. Kiba wheezed a little, his face had lost a good deal of its colour.

"I think it's time for medicine, Princess," said Naruto, peering out for any sign of their teacher. "The Mutt's gone white."

Sasuke pursed his lips. "Fine," he burst out eventually. "I'll keep a look out."

"Squeamish?" Naruto teased. Kiba looked from each of their faces in alarm.

"No, it's just that it's screwed up." The Uchiha turned his back to them, muttering darkly to himself about "freaks of nature".

Naruto pulled out a kunai from his pocket and sliced it down the invisible line he had cut for the Uchiha only days before. Kiba stared at it in bewilderment.

"Open wide!"

The boy complied, innocent of what was to come, By the time the dog nin realised that he was swallowing blood, his injuries were already well on the mend. Unlike the Uchiha who went kicking and screaming in submission, Kiba simply settled for a mixture of confusion and disbelief. Naruto assumed that he was feeling better, for no sooner had the bruises fade to yellow, the boy spat his hand out his mouth.

"Dude," said Kiba, after he had given his tongue the once over. "Have you got superhero powers?" Naruto grinned in reply.

"More like mutant powers," muttered Sasuke loudly.

The blond had been right, Kiba's injuries had been nowhere near as bad as Sasuke's ones. The bruises on his skin looked weeks old already. While the dog nin busied himself with the inspection of his body in a trash can lid, Naruto reached over and rubbed his slobbery hand on Akamaru's fur. Surprisingly the puppy did not shy away from the contact.

"That's freaking awesome," Kiba blabbered. "Kinda screwed up in a vampire sorta way-"

"Don't worry, I only eat ramen... And virgins." He smiled luridly at Sasuke who gave him the middle finger in response.

"-but it beats getting a needle in the ass any day," marvelled the boy. He ran a finger tip over his tongue once more. "Don't think I need to go to the hospital any more. Damn!" he cursed. "I was totally looking forward to checking out the talent."

"I can break your leg later if you want."

"Really?" Kiba looked rather hopeful at the suggestion.

"Shut up you idiots," snapped Sasuke. "He's coming this way."

True enough, Iruka was quickly working his way through the sea of umbrellas towards their little hideaway.

"Anyone for Ichiraku's?" suggested Naruto.

The three boys took one look at one another and then bolted in the direction of the ramen stand.


	4. As Thick as Thieves

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter Four

"As Thick as Thieves"

Iruka had caught up with them eventually.

And he had nearly cried when he did. The horror stories from the other students had prepared him for the worst, so not only was he stunned to find them all happily tucking into ramen. He was also overcome with relief at the sight of Kiba's unscathed tongue.

Many questions had followed. Questions upon questions which were either avoided or returned in a vague nonsensical fashion courtesy of Naruto. No matter how hard Iruka had pressed, the boys simply refused to budge and from their silence the Inuzuka-Uzumaki-Uchiha Alliance had been born.

That had all been a week ago. A week in which Naruto's world had changed considerably.

One of the greatest additions was Kiba. It wasn't hard to like Kiba. He was dense and unassuming and that made him all the more agreeable. There were certain things about him however, that Naruto just could not understand; Like his openness for one, and his confounding ability to express his thoughts without fear of ridicule. He had called Naruto and Sasuke his friends long before either of the two boys had come to grips with the relationship forming between them.

Never before had Naruto experienced what it was like to have friends. The sheer delight of being in another's company for nothing more than the enjoyment of it. Had he been honest with himself, Naruto would have admitted that it had been the happiest week in his life.

Unfortunately bliss was to be short lived, their genin exam was fast approaching and more importantly, Naruto still could not shake the strange feeling that he was not quite right in himself.

There were moments when he felt almost overcome with inexplicable rage. Mere fleeting seconds that were growing steadily in duration. They made him want to smash the world into a thousand tiny pieces for no reason other than the fact that it existed. Being around Kiba and Sasuke distracted him from the subtle shifts and shakes that were taking place in his conscious. It was only in the dead of night when Naruto was alone, with nothing but four walls and a ceiling around him, did he feel almost mad with terror.

Naruto lay on his back on Kiba's bedroom floor. It was the day before the Genin exam and the three boys were making use of what little free time they had left by wasting it in each other's company.

Naruto liked Kiba's room. It was everything a bedroom should be and it reflected its owner's personal likes and dislikes well; Pin ups and wolves. Whether this was an indication of an inclination towards bestiality, Naruto didn't know but he filed the thought away under the heading "Future Insults".

"Wasn't there something we were supposed to do?" he mused aloud to himself. His blue eyes were busy taking in the stringy bikini of Koto Hikaru.

The dog nin looked up from where he was playing with Akamaru. "Go get ramen?" he offered. The puppy growled playfully and pulled at his jacket cuff.

"Tempting, but no- We'll do that later."

"Er?" The dog nin scratched his head. "Can't be study cause you never do any- Oh! Go check out the girls at the hot springs?" His eyes widened hopefully.

"Nope." Naruto sat up. "Wasn't that either. What the hell was it?" He racked his brains but to no avail. "Dammit! This is gonna annoy the shit outta me."

"Go to the Hokage's office," Sasuke spoke abruptly, not bothering to lift his eyes from the scroll he was engrossed in. "Although we were supposed to do that over a week ago."

"Ah..." Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Forgot about that."

The Uchiha finally lifted his head to fix him with what was possibly one of the most soulless stares in existence. "You forgot because you and the Mutt were too preoccupied with testing out that disgusting Jutsu of yours," His voice dripped with acid.

Naruto's grin widened at the recollection. The transformation technique in question had been inspired by the dog nin's proclamation that a naked woman could defeat any male adversity. Never one to shy away from a challenge, even when faced with gender opposition, Naruto had decided to test the theory. With the aid of Kiba's pornography expertise, the blond had managed to create an extremely attractive curvaceous blond and then set about doing field testing. The results were so phenomenal that he had managed to strike down a score of unwitting Jounin out on their morning run.

"We did that for like four days."

The Uchiha folded his arms. "Seven."

"Five?" Naruto pressed his patience.

"You did it for a whole damn week!" growled Sasuke, rising to the bait. Beneath his death glare, Kiba hastily turned his laughter into a nasty cough. "Skipped class for it as well. I was there, remember? Some one had to stop you from getting arrested for indecent exposure."

Kiba gawfed. "Like that'd happen, dude. All the shinobi who came after us were guys, and they just wanted to look at Naru's bazookas." He cupped his hands before his chest to emphasise his point. "Seriously man," he turned to Naruto. "You'd make a great chick."

"Damn straight."

Then Kiba smiled wistfully. "It's a shame you're not really a girl. That way we could all be on the same team together..."

"Teams aren't picked that way, idiot," The Uchiha looked heavenward as he slowly began to explain. "They're specialised units. Each of us will be assigned according to our abilities. You'll probably be in a team who specialise in tracking. I'll be in an assault unit and dobe-" He looked at the blond. "-I pity the poor bastards who end up with you."

Naruto grinned. "What are you talking about? I'm perfectly charming! Besides, my pheromones make me damn sexy."

Sasuke snorted. "The only thing you excrete is the stench of ramen and bullshit- Not to mention, you're a complete schizo."

"Details," The blond dismissed. "C'mon, Princess. Let's face it. You wanna be on a team with me. You'll get all sad and lonely if I'm not there."

A hesitant knock interrupted Sasuke's vehement denial.

"WHAT?" Kiba roared at it angrily.

The door stayed closed. His sister knew better than to open it.

Naruto and Sasuke were careful to avoid each other's eyes as they tried to push down their awkward, traitorous sympathies for the girl. It had taken a very pointed gesture from the Uchiha, before Naruto had finally realised why Kiba did not get along with his older sister. Never having siblings of his own, he did not understand the complex and often contradictory nature of inter family relations. What it was like to be bound to someone by blood- To love them, and yet hate them for it.

"Kiba?" said Hana reasonably. "I need to go down to the clin-"

"I DON'T CARE! GO AWAY!"

Naruto could hear Hana hesitate. From the moment Sasuke and himself had first set foot in the house, Kiba had made it quite clear that they were to have nothing to do with his older sister. Despite this, the blond was always dimly aware of her presence in the background. Of how she cooked and cleaned, along with the thousands of other household chores she completed everyday on her own. Naruto also knew that she was an accomplished veterinarian. He had seen all the photographs and diplomas in their shiny silver frames along the hall.

Through no fault of her own, Hana made Kiba feel inferior.

"I've left some domburi for you and your friends in the pot. I'll be back late... See you."

Kiba didn't reply, instead he settled for a spiteful scowl. In his own small way, the dog nin was as belligerent as they were. He was still an idiot, that was without question, but he was an idiot with complexes. They sat in silence, until the light pitter-patter of Hana's footsteps faded and Kiba had returned to his normal congenial mood.

"Ino wouldn't be too bad to be on a team with." He spoke, completely disregarding both his rage and Sasuke's lecture. "She's blond, I've gotta thing for blonds. Hinata would be alright maybe-"

"_Her?_" Naruto arched an eyebrow. "No way in hell. She's a fucking weirdo. Either of you noticed how she just sinks into the background? I bet bats fly into her all the time cause they can't pick her up with their sonar."

"Shinobi are supposed to be discrete," Sasuke told him in his usual retentive fashion. "You should try it some time."

"Says the boy in the blue and white combo? Were you planning to conceal yourself against an ice cream truck when you dressed yourself this morning?"

"This bares the colours of my clan." He pointed to the red and white fan on the broad of his back. There was pride in his eyes as he spoke.

Naruto decided to take him down a peg. "No wonder they're all dead. It's like a damn bull's eye."

"I reckon Hinata's gonna have a great rack in a couple of years," Kiba cut in abruptly.

The volcano that had erupted only a second earlier, gave a fatal hiccup and died. The two boys stared at him, their rising argument forgotten. It was still unclear whether it was intentional genius or just sheer stupidity that made the dog nin spout such impeccably timed lines. Given Kiba's inability to count up to ten without the aid of his fingers, it was probably the latter.

"Mutt," said Naruto in all sincerity. "Promise me you'll never change."

The dog nin nodded, unsure of what he was agreeing to or for what reason. "I was thinking though, if a team had some one like Naru in it then there'd be no need for a med nin."

"If you were willing to risk hepatitis, then yes," said Sasuke scathingly. He glared at Naruto. "It would be a great idea."

"So you'd rather have your fragile injured body felt up by Witchie then?"

It was clear from the expression on his face that the Uchiha had not considered it.

"We're getting off topic," he grumbled.

"What was it again, Princess?" Naruto cheered inwardly at the aggravated twitch on the boy's brow.

"Hokage," said Sasuke in a calm threatening manner. "_Today._"

"Can I come?" Kiba piped up.

Naruto blinked at him incredulously. "...Sure? If you want- Hold on!" he pointed at Sasuke. "You forgot too, didn't you?"

The boy stiffened. "No, I just had more important things to do."

Naruto was quite certain that he already knew what those "things" were.

* * *

Naruto was no stranger to the red circular walls of the Hokage's office. Throughout his young life he had been hauled before the mahogany desk, given a bowl of ramen and asked to explain himself to the long suffering Sandaime.

Konoha's Hokage was well acquainted with the Naruto's dual personality, having spent years patiently wading through the sea of bullshit the blond spouted. Regardless of what Naruto had done, be it petty theft or vandalism, he had never been punished. In a way it annoyed him, the Hokage's tolerance made him feel like a fruit fly- Too insignificant to be worth swatting.

"Ah, Naruto, Sasuke," The Sandaime smiled kindly at the trio seated before him in the uncomfortable visitors' chairs. "I see that you've brought a friend with you." His eyes lingered on Kiba. "You're Tsume's youngest, aren't you?"

Kiba nodded, still staring at the picture on the desk of the Hokage in his younger days. There was a pretty blond girl standing beside a sickly looking boy and their other white haired, snot nosed team mate. Beside him, Sasuke wrinkled his nose scornfully. It was no mystery who it was had captured the dog nin's fascination.

"I hear that your sister successfully reattached an arm during her first year as a Genin."

If either Naruto or Sasuke had the powers to magically conjure up a giant mallet to hit their renowned leader with, they would have. Kiba stiffened, his eyes narrowed to slits at the mention of his elder sibling. Fortunately, the Hokage was no fool and he immediately picked up on the boy's sudden change in humour.

"From the reports I have been receiving, your mother is scheduled to return to Konoha this Friday," he said, swiftly changing the subject. "You must be excited about having her home again. How long has it been? Three months?"

"About that," Kiba relaxed a little. He seemed reasonably pleased by this information. "She's usually only back for a week or two before she sets out again though."

The Sandaime nodded, a slight tinge of sadness in his dark eyes. "And I believe I asked you two to come and see me last week, did I not?" he said, turning to the other two boys.

"We were busy," grinned Naruto, beside him Sasuke gave a grunt.

"So I heard," sighed the Sandaime. "I've had quite a few complaints from our female residents. Some of them seem to believe that your little stunt was promoting the objectification of women."

"Ah, they're just jealous."

"And several men were admitted to hospital after they crashed into lampposts."

The corners of Naruto's mouth widened to evil proportions. Beside him, Kiba was snickering away to himself.

"Tell me Sasuke," The old man turned to the young Uchiha. "Are you the only one with a shred of common decency amongst your friends?"

"They're not my friends."

The Hokage raised his eyebrows in vague surprise, causing Sasuke to shift uncomfortably in his seat. The other two boys shared an exasperated look. Sasuke's pride was extraordinary but his deadly obsession with revenge over shadowed even it. Revenge ate away at all other aspects of his life, to the point which he believed that friendships were useless. Still, he was not a robot and unwittingly chains had begun to form between himself and the other two boys. The only time his clan or his older brother, Itachi were ever discussed was when Naruto wanted to goad him (which was often). Kiba, on the other hand, pretended to be oblivious to the whole thing.

"Whatever, dude," scoffed the dog nin. "I saw you laughing when that guy tripped over his feet and smashed his nose off the pavement."

Sasuke glared. "I was coughing."

The Hokage was not listening to them however, his gaze was firmly fixed upon Naruto as if he was trying to pick open his skull. Innocent smiles would not work on the Sandaime, the blond had tried it enough already.

"Naruto, did you break the monument?" He cut straight to the point.

"Me?" The blond pointed to his chest with a scandalised expression. He tried his very best not to sound sarcastic as he spoke. "Why would I? Besides, I was with the Uchiha the whole night- Ask him!" The old man's eyes drifted to Sasuke who nodded once in confirmation.

"Seriously?" asked Kiba, rather put out by this new revelation. He was probably jealous that he had not been present.

"Yep!" The blond nodded. "He called me out to confess his undying love for me."

"He's lying, you idiot." Sasuke snarled at the alarmed look on the dog nin's face. "And you," he turned on Naruto. "Why don't you just go and die?"

"Cause the afterlife would be lonely without you, baby," pouted the blond.

"What were you doing then?" Kiba was still unaware of their nightly training sessions.

"Star gazing," they answered automatically.

"_Star gazing?"_

"Yes," muttered Sasuke, his cheeks flushed slightly.

Naruto fought very hard to keep a straight face. "We've got a great view of them here."

"Unrivalled."

"Especially from the middle of the forest."

"Agreed." The Uchiha shot him a warning look not to push it any further and Naruto resisted the temptation to throw in a comment about "Ramen no Jutsu".

Kiba scratched his head. "Can I come next time?"

"Er, sure," Naruto had to chew on the side of his cheek to stop the massive smile that was threatening to split his face in two.

"I see that you three are getting along well." Ancient eyes drifted from two very guilty faces to an imbecile. "Your genin exam is tomorrow, is it not?"

The three boys nodded in affirmation.

"Must make an appointment with Iruka-sensei this evening," he muttered to himself, scribbling something down in his notepad. "All right, you may go- Except you Naruto, I wish to speak with you alone for a moment."

Kiba stared curiously over his shoulder at him as he was pushed out the door by the Uchiha. No doubt he would be demanding to know if Naruto had found out the name of the pretty blond in the photograph later.

"I didn't do it!" The words leapt from his mouth the second the door closed.

"Naruto," said the Sandaime patiently. "I am well aware of the utter havoc you are capable of unleashing whenever you put your mind to it... However, that is not why I wish to speak with you." He stared the boy straight in the eyes. "The reports I have received concerning your conduct this last week have been most alarming. It is not like you to act so..." He searched for the word. "... so reckless. Is everything alright?"

There was a long list of scenarios Naruto expected to find himself in at some given point in his future, a heart to heart with the Hokage had definitely not been among them.

"Er... Fine?" he replied, unsure of what direction the man was trying to push him in.

"No changes? Have you been feeling different at all lately? Do you ever experience an unreasonable urge to do something violent?"

Naruto felt his mouth go dry. A horrible desire to confess began to grow in his throat. It was dread that kept him silent. Old as he was, the Sandaime was by no means incompetent and Naruto could easily be disposed of if he was deemed a threat to the village. The child was under no illusion that erratic behaviour was not considered a desirable characteristic in a Jinchuuriki... And then there was the matter of the Kyuubi itself.

"**One word, worm,"** it hissed. **"And you'll never sleep another night in your miserable life!"**

"_No_," Naruto answered in an octave too high. He hammered his chest with his fist. "Sorry, voice breaking- No, I'm _great_."

"Nothing at all?"

Instinct fought instinct within him. If he confessed then maybe the Sandaime might be able to stop to the strange crawl and inch in his brain. He was the Hokage after all. He might even be able to stop the never ending barrage of nightmares. But the other creatures in Naruto's soul were screaming at him, 'Never confess, always deny! Deny! Deny! Deny!'

Self preservation was a bitch.

"Nothing." Naruto plastered a large grin on his face and prayed that it would stick.

For a moment he thought that the man would continue with his line of inquiry. The Hokage merely sighed and shook his head.

"Alright, Naruto," he said. "I will be keeping a close eye on you from now on."

"Why?" the boy asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Beneath the Sandaime's wrinkled brow, dark orbs stared meaningfully out at him. "If at any point you begin to feel the urge to do anything potentially harmful, come and speak with me immediately."

Naruto took the order as his cue to leave. Before opening the door, he looked back at the Hokage. His hat of office was dipped over, shielding his face as he wrote something on a fresh piece of parchment. Naruto swallowed.

"If something... You know," He raised his voice. "If I do start feeling like that, what'll happen?"

The Sandaime lifted his head. "We will find a way of putting a stop to it." The tip of his pen slid down on to the paper with an ominous, definite thud.

With a weak nod, Naruto grappled for the doorknob behind him. There was a sharp yelp of surprise as it swung open and Kiba came tumbling into the room on top of Akamaru. The boy smiled sheepishly up at him, his puppy desperately trying to claw his way out from underneath him.

Naruto cocked an eyebrow. "What the hell are you doing Mutt?"

"Clearly, he's being retarded," grunted Sasuke from the hall.

* * *

"NARUTO! THAT IS NOT APPROPRIATE!"

The blond kept his eyes shut as his teacher showered him with spittle and rage.

"I should fail you for that!" Iruka glared down at the naked blond bombshell his most vexing student was currently posed as.

From the back of the classroom, Inuzuka Kiba was struggling to breath as he tried to overcome a fit of helpless laughter. The young teacher closed his eyes in frustration. One more day until he would be free of their antics for good. Just one more. There was a poof of smoke and Naruto returned to his usual form of yellow spikes and black combats. His bottom lip trembled in an exaggerated pout.

"It's just a little fun, sensei!" he said innocently, though there was something wicked twinkling in his eyes.

"Again," the man sighed, running a hand over his face. After that image of perfection, he seriously doubted that all the freezers in Konoha could provide enough ice for a bath cold enough to clear it from his memory. "You've got two more tries."

Smoke swirled and this time a perfect carbon copy of Iruka reappeared through the clouds. The teacher shook his head and scribbled the words "pass" down on his clipboard.

"Perfect," he muttered, handing the child the headband of his newly acquired Genin status. "Well done."

As he watched the boy swagger towards his seat on the other side of Sasuke, Iruka let out a sigh of relief. Despite the Hokage's reassurances that Naruto would pass the exam this year, he still couldn't help his feelings of apprehension. Old habits die hard after all, and in the light of the things he had been told by the Sandaime, Naruto's performance could be-

"I'm surprised you let him pass after that stunt he just pulled," A voice beside him interrupted his train of thought.

Iruka looked to his fellow examiner and teacher in surprise. Mizuki was well renowned for his sympathetic attitude towards their students- almost to the point of being a pushover. Such a statement was not only out of character, it also worried Iruka as well.

"Weren't you telling me earlier not to go too hard on him?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

Mizuki seemed to remember himself and his face broke into its usual pleasant smile. "Yes," he laughed. "I didn't mean that you should fail him, I was just surprised..." he trailed off, a distant look in his eye.

The other man disregarded it and returned to his marking.

Later that evening, Iruka sat amid the open reports and test results of his graduating Genin, as he drew up the three man cells for the following day. On the seventh team, he hesitated over the third name.

In a temporary act of insane defiance, Iruka disregard his first choice and scribble down another. Once the deed was done, he bit down on his lip and then looked fugitively around to see if a squad of ANBU would suddenly appear to drag him away for punishment.

They did not.

The wet ink dried quickly on the form. Iruka leaned back, clasped his hands together and rested them on his chest.

It was unprofessional, treasonous even. If he really wanted to, Iruka could have scribbled out the name and wrote back in the original candidate. He could have just as easily blamed it on stress and gone and procured another form from the office.

He would not however.

The form had already been signed and stamped by the Hokage the night before, thus removing the Sandaime from the position of authority regarding the matter. Now there was no middle man. Now there was just Iruka and his conscience.

A boy for a village... It was damn well time that the village gave that boy something back and maybe... Iruka stared down at the name. Maybe it might just help.

* * *

"Er... Your Holiness?"

From his formidable height, Jin stared down at the exposed legs and backside of his elderly superior. The man ignored him and continued to crawl and squirm along the courtyard's stone slabs on his belly, his orange robes bunched up to his stomach. The other monks scurried around them, each one bowing in respect to their nearly naked leader as they went.

After seven years of serving beneath the Sanzo at the Akari Monastery, Jin should have known better than to try and interfere with the older monk's strange fancies. All he could think of however, was how he was going to be the one cleaning out the slime and grime from his master's robes later.

"The ground is filthy, your Holiness," he said tactfully. "And covered in slugs."

At this the Sanzo stopped. He turned his weathered shaven head towards his disciple, irritation knotted his brow. "Jin, how does one hope to attain true peace in this world?"

Jin paused. He knew that lesson. "By learning to appreciate all forms of life no matter how small or insignificant."

"Correct. Now how does one come to appreciate all the forms of life?"

"By walking their paths, your Holiness." Jin felt rather pleased with himself.

"And who's path am I trying to walk here?"

"...A slug's?"

"Well done. Now go hit yourself on the head with the fan." The Sanzo ordered.

Jin sighed but did what he was told. It didn't make any sense, or rather it did in its own bizarre fashion. He picked up the large shabby bamboo and linen fan from beside the crumbling battlements and hit himself in the forehead.

"Harder!" barked the Sanzo as he continued to crawl along, his robes getting dangerously close to his neckline.

Jin gripped the bamboo between his enormous hands, raised it and then brought it down on his skull with a smack. His ears sang painfully. Jin shuddered and rubbed the tender red rectangle that was forming on his skin.

"Excuse me? I'm looking for Sanzo Goku," croaked a voice beside him.

Jin must have hit his head harder than he thought. He stared down at large yellow toad in a kimono seated in between the quartz feet of the Ridukou Sennin's statue.

The toad blinked it gigantic yellow eyes. "Em, hello?"

Jin looked to the fan in his hand and then back to the toad. He continued this pattern of behaviour for quite some time, until eventually he gave up and walloped himself on the head with another resounding crack. Spots of pain danced before his eyes. He swayed a little and blinked.

The toad was still there.

"Are you alright?" inquired the creature in alarm.

"Fine," mumbled the man, nursing his massive head. "You can talk?"

The toad puffed out its chest. "All the toads from Mount Myouboku can." It pointed proudly to the symbol on its back with a long slimy finger.

"And you wear clothes?"

The creature bristled a little. "Of course! Can't have my warts sticking out for the whole world to see, can I? That'd be vulgar."

Jin nodded slowly. This toad clearly had a very strong sense of decency, a very amiable quality in any toad to be sure.

"Er, your Holiness?"

The man's robes were covering his head now, exposing the scarred wrinkled sacks of wasted muscle on his back and shoulders. He continued to wriggle along, humming merrily to himself, all the while oblivious to the arrival of their new visitor.

"That's him?" asked the toad incredulously.

"... Yes," answered Jin. Then he remembered himself. "I mean yes! Mr Toad-sama-"

"I'm a girl, and the name's Ume."

"Right, Ume-chan," he said. "Allow me to introduce to you to his Holiness, Sanzo Goku the forty-seventh."

Ume cocked her head to one side. "What is he doing?"

"Contemplating the great mystery of the slug," he answered. "Very complex and profound."

"Don't they slither not crawl?"

Jin shrugged. If he had had an imagination, he would have thought that he was experiencing a rather bizarre hallucination. Instead, he began thinking about how rather pleasant it was to talk to a normal amphibian these days. Not that he'd spoken to one before, the ones that he usually met seemed to be rather jumpy and unfriendly. A very rude bunch altogether really.

'I'm slug, can't you seeeee?

Oh why can't you seeeee?

I'm as slimy as can beeeeeeee!'

"Nice place you lot got here," said Ume, they continued to stare at the Sanzo as he launched into the second verse of his ditty. "Is this the Ridukou?"

Jin nodded at the transparent figure of light and masculinity the frog was pointing up at. "He founded the Monastery."

"I wasn't aware that he had acne scars."

"Oh, the holes? They used to have rubies in them until His Holiness, the Sanzo Goku the twenty-seventh swapped them for eighty barrels of sake."

"And that?" Ume pointed to the headless and tailless marble body of the Jubi.

"Gold," Jin replied simply. "The Sanzo Goku the fourteenth pawned the head and tails for a harem. According to reports we had to get rid of the girls the following day- Something about a vow of celibacy."

The monk was well aware of how the toad's eyes were now drifting to the stripped pillars and mosaics around the courtyard. Nothing was left of the Akari Monastery's former splendour, not even the roofs.

"We've still got some nice copper plated coasters," he spoke up. "Very pretty. Would you like to see them?"

Ume blinked her large eyes at him. "Er, thank you but I can't stay long. I'm sure your, em, _coasters_ are very nice," she added hurriedly. She jerked her head towards the Sanzo. "Can you get him for me?"

Just as she spoke the Sanzo shot upright on his knees like a live wire.

"EUREKA!" he yelled, shaking his clawed hands at the sky. The bottom of his robes were still wrapped around his head. "Jin? Do you know why slugs move so easily?"

"...Slime?" replied his inferior after a moment's hard contemplation.

"Yes! Yes!" The Sanzo screamed in maniac delight. "We must gather hundreds of them and bath in their slime until we too can glide along through life- It will be like flying, only stickier."

Jin did not like the sound of where this was going. "Can we take our robes off first?"

"Of course, you imbecile!"

Jin nodded. That sounded okay then.

"Excuse me, your Holiness?" piped up Ume. It was now very clear to her that she needed to get far far away from this madhouse, before they suddenly decided to start rubbing her up and down their naked bodies. "I'm from Mount Myouboku? I've been asked to deliver a message to you?" She prayed that one of those words would resonant in the deranged man's skull.

The Sanzo stopped mid cackle and peeled the orange material from his face. "Message you say?" he asked, staring at her.

Automatically, Ume burped and her long pink tongue rolled out a thin, wooden scroll case from the depths of her belly. Jin picked it gingerly from her, before passing it to the kneeling Sanzo with a bow. The man opened it, shoved the parchment to his nose and read over the contents quickly. His wrinkles rose so quickly up his forehead that they threatened to become smooth.

Ume let out a loud burp and rubbed her stomach. "Uggh, I hate scrolls. They always give me cotton mouth." She licked her lips. "You wanna write him a reply?"

The Sanzo waved her comment away dismissively as he read over the message again. The toad looked relieved and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Pack up, Jin!" ordered the man, leaping to his feet. "Got to go, we've got lots to do. Make sure you bring plenty of chalk- And the fan!" he added on second thought.

"Where are we going?" his disciple called after him.

"To Konoha of course!"


	5. All for One and One for All

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter Five

"All for One and One for All"

It was quiet out. The moon was at its full brilliance. The air, damp and warm and thick with the aroma of magnolia and cedar. Tree, fern and bird alike breathed to the gentle lull of the crickets hidden in the undergrowth.

It was calm.

It was peaceful.

Then a small hurricane in the form of three boys and a dog smashed the serenity to pieces.

Sandals and paws crushed branch and leaf beneath them as they tore through the forest, jarring almost everything within a three mile radius from its slumber. The fearlessness in the boys' advance would have raised the brows of their elders. Such blatant disregard for the Shinobi rules of silence and discretion was nothing short of blasphemy. They didn't care however. Against the backdrop of leaves and summer heat, they were invincible.

"_Grab your kunai! Grab your sword! And we'll kill Sasuke cause we're bored! Stab his eyeballs, smash his brains and stuff his asshole with gre-nades! Grabs his nuts, and mash 'em up, and stick 'em in a plastic cup! Take a poker, make it hot and ram it through his tiny-_"

"STOP SINGING THAT GODDAMN SONG!"

Naruto dropped his marching tune midway and twisted around effortlessly to see the Uchiha running towards him, murder blazing in his eyes.

"You don't like it?" he pouted. "Even though I wrote it especially for you?"

"How about I smash in your balls?" spat Sasuke.

Naruto chortled. "C'mon, Princess. Why you getting so offended? It's not like you've got any balls to be protective about!"

Sasuke's scathing retort was cut short by Kiba's singing.

"-_Stick a shuriken in his tongue, pour some led down his lungs..._ It's catchy, dude." The dog nin shrugged beneath his withering glare. Akamaru barked in agreement.

At his own request, Kiba had been included in their training regime and now Naruto found himself wishing that they had done it sooner. Before their friendship had even begun, it would be over. When morning's light came, the Shinobi world would pluck them apart and set upon their destined paths.

Not all was lost however, he knew that he would still keep in touch with Kiba. The boy was like a nit or more a flea- Not something that could be gotten rid of easily, unless you employed the use of some heavy duty pest remover.

The Uchiha was a different story. He was not the type to nurse friendships unless there was something for him to either gain or exploit from the partnership. Once the night was done, he would no doubt sever all contact with Kiba and Naruto, retreat back into his shell and steadily allow himself to be consumed by his revenge. Naruto was not a religious person by any account but he prayed that Sasuke's team-mates would end up being Ino and Sakura. He couldn't think of anything that would irritate the boy more.

With the consequences of separation niggling at the back of their skulls, the three boys continued to fight against it and the dawn. Every punch, every word, every laugh was immortalised in the landscape around them. The trees took their memories, stored them and set apart for a time when the children grew old and weary and were in need of some nostalgia. That day would come too quickly but slower still than the night that was about to end.

They were all giddy, reckless and almost mad with sleep deprivation. Naruto roared with laughter as he watched the dog nin try to untangle himself from a trap of branches and weeds. The boy fell over with an undignified grunt and lay on the ground for some time.

"Dobe, did you by any chance clone yourself?" The Uchiha asked suddenly, glaring at something in distance.

Naruto stopped poking the back of Kiba's head and turned to stare at him, his eyebrow cocked in question. With a roll of his eyes, Sasuke jerked his head towards a blur of blond and black moving through the trees at top speed.

The darkness could not hide the unmistakable spike of the hair or the small, lean frame decked in black. The sight of his own back stirred up angry feelings of violation within the blond. It didn't take a genius to work out what was going on. Naruto's doppelgänger was being pursued by something- Most likely because of the large heavy scroll they had hanging from their back.

Kiba spat the leaves from his mouth as he finally sat up. "Why would anyone wanna pretend to be dobe?"

"Because of my animal magnetism."

The doppelgänger was obviously well aware of the villagers' animosity towards him. Why else would they go to such an effort to disguise themselves as him? He was the perfect scapegoat because people wanted to believe that he was nothing more than an evil demon. Naruto quickly began to remove the weights from around his wrists and ankles.

"They're trying to frame you," said Sasuke.

"No shit, Sherlock," replied the blond as he dropped the last weight on the pile. He would collect them later.

"So we going after them?" asked Kiba eagerly, pulling himself to his feet.

Naruto grinned. "Can't have any counterfeits ruining my reputation, now can I?"

With that, he set off through the woods. Kiba, Akamaru and Sasuke followed behind him, struggling to keep up. He could only pray that they'd keep quiet. The long night had left them all feeling sluggish. Even with the weights off, Naruto was nowhere near as quick as he would usually be. Surprise was their best weapon now.

Up ahead, the doppelgänger had stopped to catch their breath. They were crouched over, holding themselves up with their knees. Naruto stopped behind a thick bush and pulled a kunai silently from his pocket. For someone to stay in that form for long, they would have to use up a sustainable amount of chakra.

"They're exhausted," whispered Sasuke upon reaching his side. His breathing was a little laboured, but no where near as loud as Kiba's. The dog had both his hands over his mouth in an attempt to silence the ragged intake.

Naruto nodded. His eyes studied the tree over head as a plan began to formulate in his brain. "Princess take the Mutt and between the two of you-"

The boy glared at him coolly. "I can do it on my own."

"Naru's right. This guy could be a S class for all we know," Kiba gasped out. "We gotta work as a team."

Sasuke stiffened at the suggestion. Unlike Kiba, who knew a lot about collaboration because of his puppy. Or even Naruto, who had a semi-understanding of it due to his one sided relationship with the Kyuubi. The Uchiha just did not get teamwork at all. They were tired however, and to take on an unknown opponent in single combat was like duelling a highly skilled samurai with a set of chopsticks.

"I'm the fastest," Naruto whispered. "So I'll get the scroll. You guys distract."

Eventually, Sasuke relented. He looked to Kiba. "Just don't get in my way."

"Wouldn't dream of it," the dog nin rolled his eyes.

As the two boys propelled themselves from the bushes and out into the open, Naruto leapt up into the tree above them to wait.

It was a surreal and degrading sight to behold. The doppelganger was making him look pathetic with their mistimed kicks and poor defence. He watched the imposter do a back flip straight into a newly clawed and fanged Kiba, only to be battered back into Sasuke a few seconds later. It was like watching a cat bat a mouse between its paws. The boys blocked every kick, stopped every blow and cut short every desperate attempt to escape. Tiredness be damned, they were kicking his fake ass. Although, Naruto noted with great satisfaction, it would probably be the only time that they ever did.

As the clone got closer and closer to the foot of the tree, Naruto dropped down from his branch and landed soundlessly on top of the doppelgänger's shoulders. The blond grinned down at his own confused expression, sliced the rope holding the scroll with a kunai, and then kicked as hard as he could. Right into the back of the imposter's head.

Good was not even the word to describe how he felt as blood, spittle and flesh went flying head first into the nearest trunk with a loud thunk. Naruto picked up the scroll case and turned it over in his hands to inspect the writing.

"Forbidden, eh?" his face cracked into an evil grin. "This looks like fun."

"Mizuki-sensei?" said Kiba in astonishment. "It's Mizuki-sensei!"

Sure enough, lying amidst the splintered wood and fallen leaves was the unmistakeable form of their former sensei.

"B-But why?" Kiba looked around at his two friends. His expression torn between utter disbelief and betrayal.

"Greed." Sasuke yanked his shuriken from the tree trunk.

Naruto hadn't expected Mizuki to be the culprit, but he couldn't say that he was exactly surprised with the revelation either. Adults hated him. Adults would _always_ betray him. It was a fact of life he had long since come to accept so it was only natural that he'd suspicious of anyone who offered a guiding hand. And that was all Muzuki had ever offered- Sympathy and a smarmy fake smile.

"Is he dead?" Naruto asked hopefully, unrolling the scroll from its case.

The man let out a pitiful groan and Sasuke kicked him hard in the head. Grey hair slumped forward as he fell silent, aside from the shallow breathing of unconsciousness.

"He's a chunin," The Uchiha grumbled. "I could have taken him."

"Anyone ever told you that you gotta share your toys with all the other kids like a good little girl?"

Naruto ignored Sasuke's furious glare as he traced over the strange black strokes on the page with his eyes. The term "Forbidden" just made things all the more appealing in his opinion. Kiba was eyeing the scroll as though it might spontaneously combust at any moment.

"Dude," he said nervously. "Those are forbidden techniques, right? That means only jounin can use them. If you try any of them, you..." He paused and looked to the Uchiha. "...you might _die_."

"The Mutt's right," Sasuke replied, though Naruto could see the hunger in his eyes. "Forget Jounin, those are Kage level."

The blond pouted. "You guys chicken?"

"No, we're just value our lives, idiot."

"C'mon, I'll even test it out first. Make sure it's safe? I mean, it doesn't look too bad. Just splitting off chakra and the like."

"I dunno man." Kiba shook his head. "It's seriously dangerous."

"Let him," grunted Sasuke. "Hopefully he kills himself."

"I never knew you cared," Naruto grinned before turning his attention back to the first technique.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu"- The art of the shadow doppelgänger. It didn't look too complicated. Self admittedly however, Naruto had never studied any scrolls before and therefore could not draw a comparison. All that aside, even he could recognised that the concept behind the technique was probably as immoral as a jutsu could get. With it, he would be able to duplicate any object, person or living thing like it were real flesh and blood. He grinned evilly as he began to memorize the hand signs.

It was another fifteen minutes before Kiba spoke again.

"I've gotta real bad feeling about this," He scanned their surrounding for umpteenth time. "We should just take the scroll, bring it back to the Hokage and tell him what happened."

Sasuke grunted. "That would be the obvious thing to do," he sighed. "But in case you haven't noticed, dobe's an idiot."

Yet the Uchiha could not stop his wandering eyes from seeking out the scroll, Naruto knew this because he could feel them on him every three seconds. Sasuke wanted power. Sasuke needed power- It was his pride and sense of self preservation that held him back. Once Naruto had finished with his little demonstration, no doubt the boy would be lapping up the techniques like a leech would blood.

Satisfied, Naruto jumped up with a triumphant smirk. The two boys eyed him warily as he brought his hands together and began doing a number of fast, intricate signs.

"Getta load of this, bitches!"

The whole area exploded in clones.

There were hundreds, possibly even thousands. Each and every one of them was flesh and blood and perfect, right down to the last tiny piece of puberty fluff growing on the blond's upper lip.

"This is wrong on just so many levels," muttered the Uchiha, but Naruto could tell that he was impressed.

Kiba turned around and around in circles as he attempted to count the exact amount. His face was a perfect portrait of awe. "...Wow."

Sasuke scooped the scroll up off the ground. "That technique must be a piece of piss if Dobe can do it..." He trailed off, his dark brows rising quickly up his forehead. "Do you know how much chakra is needed to generate this technique?" he demanded, glaring at Naruto. Which was quite a difficult task given the sheer selection of faces.

They all grinned in return.

"You should only be able to do a handful at most. You've got- What are you?" his eyes narrowed to suspicious slits.

"I am fucking awesome, that's what!" The clones cackled dementedly.

"Dude!" Kiba interrupted, his face lit up in some brilliant revelation. "You could totally have a proper gangbang using this technique if you compiled it with the Sexy No Jutsu-"

The clones stared at him. "No Mutt. That would mean I'd be screwing myself."

"Oh yeah... Hadn't thought of that." The dog nin shuddered.

"You don't have enough braincells to rub together, let alone think." grunted Sasuke. The Inuzuka's face quickly darkened into a scowl.

"THERE YOU ARE, YOU BRAT!"

Sasuke, Kiba and the army of Narutos turned to the score of furious shinobi running towards them. All were armed to the teeth and it suddenly struck the blond just how useful his new technique could potentially be. The group stopped before them, their shoulders heaving and shaking. Their weapons drenched in sweat.

"You've done it now!" roared an angry little man with round black shades and a headscarf. His finger shook as he pointed at Narutos. "Went and shown your true colours for all to see. Hah! Just you wait until the Hokage's done with you. You'll finally get what's coming to you after-" The rant was veering dangerously close to the Kyuubi.

"What did I do?" the Narutos chorused together, all wearing identical vague expressions of puzzlement.

"You know what you did!" hissed the man. "Give back the scroll!"

Naruto scratched his many heads in stupidly. "But the Uchiha's got a scroll, not me." Hundreds of fingers pointed to Sasuke, who scowled in return.

The man's face relaxed a little. "Well done. You apprehended him."

"If you mean Mizuki, then yes," the boy replied coolly, rolling up the scroll and placing it back in its case. "We did."

The group stared at the bloody, unconscious heap of a man lying beneath the tree. Various expressions of bafflement followed and the witch-hunt deflated slightly.

"Yeah, Naru ain't done nuthin," Kiba cut in. "We saw a some one pretending to be Naruto running through the woods, so we all thought it was pretty suspicious and then went to investigate- And then, me and Sasuke fought him- And then, Naru took the scroll off him- And then, he kicked him in the head- And then-" The dog nin's face tinged blue as he continued to spew his explanation.

"So how did Mizuki know that stripper technique of his?" The man pushed his glasses up his nose triumphantly. There was a shout of agreement as the witch hunt inflated once more.

The Narutos smiled innocently at him. "Actually it's based on a centrefold not a stripper."

"He's right," Kiba piped up. "One involves the removal of clothes, the other none. It's like comparing silicone to real tits. Or a-"

"Mizuki was one of our examiners today," interrupted Sasuke, stopping the dog nin's analogy dead in its tracks. "Naruto did that-" he frowned. "-_technique_ of his in class. It's not exactly a hard one to memorise, is it?"

"Tried it, have you?" Naruto grinned at him.

The Uchiha shot him a warning look.

"We have witnesses." The man made a last ditch attempt.

"So do we. Us. We were with him the whole time."

"What are you in the forest at this time of night?"

"Star gazing," Sasuke, Kiba and all the Narutos answered.

The group looked suitably disappointed, as if their intended human sacrifice had escaped and they had had to make do with a dog instead. The man sighed and held out his hand.

"I'll take the scroll then. Good work you two." He nodded to Sasuke and then Kiba. The Uchiha handed it over reluctantly.

As they marched away, Naruto's clones disappeared in a puff of smoke. He yawned and scratched the back of his neck. Usually midges bites didn't bother him but they were being particularly vicious that night. His skin felt as if it had ants crawling all over it.

"I'm off." Sasuke announced. Without another word, he turned and walked in the direction of the village alone. They would leave him. His pride was smarting.

Still, Naruto could not resist. "REMEMBER TO KEEP A BOX OF TISSUES BESIDE YOU TONIGHT IN CASE YOU DREAM ABOUT ME, WANKER!"

The Uchiha did not reply.

"Kami, he's such a prissy bitch," he sighed to the other boy.

Kiba gave a shrug. It was just the way Sasuke was. He couldn't bear the thought of anyone being better than him. Further more, his pride would not allow him to ask Naruto to teach him the Kage Bunshin technique.

"Why didn't they say thanks to you as well?" Kiba asked him eventually.

It was Naruto's turn to say nothing. When he was younger, he had desperately wanted the villagers to acknowledge his existence and although he would never admit it, part of him still did.

* * *

"-I have lots of hobbies." Kakashi stopped talking and stared down at the three uninspired Genin before him. All looked equally exhausted- One was even sleeping.

In a word, Kakashi Hatake was disappointed. True, he didn't expect to see any of them again after his bell test but even then. New Genins were supposed to be riled up and ready for action. The three boys before him looked as if they had barely made it out of Armageddon alive.

The sleeping one muttered something about "Furballs" and turned over. His nose squashed itself against the concrete as he drooled.

"Wake him up," Kakashi nodded to the sullen dark haired boy he had immediately dubbed as an Uchiha- Or more, _the _Uchiha.

A hard thump later and the drooling blond boy stirred.

"Are we done yet?" he yawned, piercing his new sensei with bored blue eyes.

Kakashi folded his arms. "Name, future goals, likes and dislikes- You first."

"Uzumaki Naruto," The blond dragged himself upright like a zombie. "Ramen."

"_Ramen?_" The grey haired man repeated. The child before him bore little resemblance to the parents who had created him other than his looks. It was a depressing thought. "Goals?"

The boy regarded him with a mixture of disinterest and hostility. "Sleep."

"Dislikes?"

Uzumaki Naruto was definitely not his mother's child, nor did he exhibit the quiet strength of his father. The child yawned and scratched his jaw.

"Animals- Fuck sake Mutt!" he turned on his feral team mate. "You've given me fleas."

"Can't have. I use shampoo." The dog boy puffed out his chest proudly.

The man and two boys stared at him at a loss. Kakashi ran his hand along his neck. Even watching the blond boy was making him itchy. Well, they were certainly more interesting than his last batch of hopefuls.

Finally the other dark haired boy spoke. "You use dog shampoo?" he asked in a deadpan tone.

The dog nin nodded. "Maru always has a bath with me... Plus I like the smell."

"Mutt, filling a bottle with dog piss and then rubbing it in your wet hair doesn't make it shampoo," said Naruto, his face twisted in evil delight.

Dog boy rolled his eyes. "It's flea shampoo."

Naruto grinned and scratched. "Sure you didn't mistake the label and use bleach instead?" He nodded to Maru's brilliant white coat.

"He probably drank it," muttered the Uchiha.

Kakashi coughed loudly, drawing their attention back to him. He pointed at the flea infested, bleach drinking dog boy. "Name."

This child did not exhibit the same hostility as the others did. His face burst into a good natured smile.

"Oh! Inuzuka Kiba, dude-" Kakashi raised an eyebrow. Tracker nin were not usually his speciality. "-I like my dog, Akamaru and hanging out with my friends," he looked to Naruto and Sasuke. The two boys shifted uncomfortably at his proclamation. "I hate my..." He trailed off, embarrassed.

"Your sister's that vet, isn't she?" Kakashi tapped his chin with his forefinger. He remembered her alright. She was a pretty one.

"I suppose you're gonna tell me how great she is," Kiba's face was dark and resentful. Kakashi's hopes of having a least one normal genin were shattered instantaneously.

"Nope. I'm not interested in anybody who's not in my cell unless I have to be. All I know is that she gives my dogs their shots once a year. You." He clicked his fingers at the last boy.

"Uchiha Sasuke," replied the boy in a cold empty tone. "I don't have any likes. I hate-"

"Kami, Princess! Alright, we get it," interrupted the blond. "You will kill your brother eventually. Hell, you'll-" Sasuke froze. A flicker of delight crossed his face. "-bore him to death with your lack of personality," Naruto finished with a grin.

Just before Sasuke could punch him, Kiba cut in."What kinda underwear do you think Ino wears?"

His team mates stared at him.

"A jockstrap," said Naruto. The corners of Sasuke's lips twitched upwards in a small smile.

"Really?" Disappointed could not describe the expression on Kiba's face.

"Yeah, maybe she borrowed them from Haruno."

"Do girls do that?"

As Kakashi watched the exchange, he felt something in his chest that he had never felt before in all his years as a team leader. It was hope. There was something more to this trios' relationship than he had previously anticipated.

"How did you defeat, Mizuki?" he interrupted.

They stopped their conversation and looked at him, suddenly remembering his presence.

Kiba was the first to answer. "Me and Sasuke blocked him off and Naruto got the scroll... And then kicked him in the head."

"I could have taken him alone," muttered the Uchiha

"You would've broken a nail if we let you take him on by yourself," snorted Naruto. "Sides, sharing is caring. I suppose your Mom forgot to tell you that before she conveniently got her head chopped off."

And they were off again, bickering and spitting at each other until their other team mate defused them with another sexually charged one liner. From what little Kakashi could gather, the boys were friends in a very loose sense of the word. Or maybe they were friends in a way that normal people could not understand.

He could see enough of his younger self in The Uchiha, to know that he obviously valued Naruto's opinion. Naruto in turn, selected his words like weaponry. It was as though he was trying to provoke Sasuke into behaving like a human being. Kiba was the most normal and probably not anywhere near as stupid as he pretended to be. He was like a lightening rod stuck in the centre of the storm his friends created.

For the first time ever, Kakashi realised that the bell test would be useless.


	6. Slugs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter Six

"Slugs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails"

Back and forth. Back and forth.

Naruto raked his fingers across his wrist repeatedly, his nails cut an angry red cage into his skin.

Tickling...

Stinging...

Maddening...

The sensation made him want to cleave his flesh and muscle clean from the bone. Tendons and veins popped white against the raw scarlet of his skin, like a rope drawn tight around a convict's neck. The final thin layer holding his capillaries caught beneath a nail and as he dragged it back, blood soaked through the surrounding skin like ink through bolting paper.

Naruto stopped to inspect the wound. His skin would sow itself back together in a matter of seconds- It was not _that _that worried him. He placed his hands palm down on the chequered cloth covering his kitchen table and willed down the urge to continue scratching.

It grated.

It crawled.

_It itched._

Naruto dug his nails into the palms of his hands and sighed. It was no ordinary irritation, not something caused by dodgy washing powder or cats or even kissing. On good days it would whisper across his flesh, most of the time however, it stung like nettles. After six months of itching and scratching, Naruto was sorely tempted to do something he had never done before in his life- Visit a doctor. He wasn't too keen on the idea because it seemed pointless.

A doctor would only search for a physical aliment and Naruto was damn certain that his affliction could not be explained away by medical lingo. He had no rashes. No allergies (unless you counted lemon scent soap and he hated lemon anyway). Nothing was inflamed. He had never been abroad and therefore could not possibly have contracted any tropical diseases or parasites that had names too long to pronounce.

Naruto. Simply. Itched.

With the physical dismissed, there was left a more undesirable option; Nervous habit. Naruto didn't do nervous habits. He was not a nervous habit type of guy. He had never bitten his nails nor had he ever felt an overwhelming desire to pull his hair out by its roots. Nervousness was something he tended to evoke in other people since he was a container. As to whether or not his affliction had been noticed by the Kyuubi still remained unknown. It barely spoke to him at all any more.

With the spread of the itch, the Kyuubi had fallen silent. It was still there. Still rabid, malignant and festering somewhere deep within his belly. Occasionally, it liked to remind Naruto of its presence but its time was mostly spent twisting the sleepy realm of REM. And boy, had it been busy.

Under its tender paw, Naruto's nightmares had grown not only in frequency but in terror as well. Sleep did not come easily to the boy any more. He was too strung out to sleep. Too frightened. Every time he closed his eyes something red and snapping came rushing forward to devour him.

Night after night there were terrors of claws and blood... and water. Ye Gods, did he hate water.

The nightmares had given birth to a new hatred, and a bloody inconvenient one at that because basic survival relied heavily upon the consumption of that one liquid- As did hygiene. It was typical of the Kyuubi to transform something so simple as water into a horrific monster. Now the mere sight of it made Naruto break out in a cold sweat. He hated its transparency, its tastelessness. But most of all, he hated its coldness.

A wriggle of something blackish red and gooey snapped Naruto from his musings.

Baffled, he stared down at the long thin body of a leech squirming its way across the surface of his table cloth. No, it was not a leech. It was more of a worm, but even then it was a very distant ugly cousin of one. Worms did not have black hairs embedded in their ridges, nor were they covered in blood. It left a trail of red destruction behind like a wounded soldier crawling from a battlefield.

Naruto swallowed the thick sickly weight of saliva flooding his mouth. It stuck in his throat like a rock, he forced it down as the nauseating realisation washed over him. Slowly. Shakily. With his fingers trembling like the open pages of a book, Naruto turned over his left hand to look at his wrist.

He nearly vomited when he did.

What once had been a scratch, was now a gaping hole. The skin had been drawn back like curtains to reveal four sucking mouths ridged with row upon row of sharp pointed teeth. A jaw chomped at the head of each one of their long, hairy, slimy bodies. Naruto could feel their tails hitting against his muscles and bone, see the bumps of their bodies moving beneath his skin. Teeth snapped, pink tongues flickered and Naruto stumbled from his chair, knocking it onto the floor with a clatter.

Revulsion pulled the contents of his stomach up into his mouth. He ran towards the sink, holding his infected wrist as far away from the rest of his body as humanly possible. Blind, the worms reached for him with their mouths, their bodies stretched out from his wrist like tentacles. Bile burned Naruto's nostrils, his stomach convulsed with every heave until all that was left was saliva and aching muscles. He closed his eyes as he tried to push down the waves of panic threatening to overcome him.

He was awake, _definitely_ awake and somehow a fragment of his nightmares had spilled over into reality. The worms were by far not the worst things hidden in the shadows of his imagination but still, they terrified him. Naruto did the only thing he could do when faced with an adversity, he searched for a weapon.

Seizing a fork from the drying rack, he stabbed one of the worms through the head. There was a hiss, followed by the bubble of foul smelling green liquid. It slumped over dead and almost immediately, the others launched themselves at it. Flesh and hair was ripped apart as they guzzled down its remains. A shudder of disgust ran down Naruto's spine. He pulled the one dead and the other three cannibalistic worms from his wrist with a grunt and dropped them in the sink.

They quickly turned on one another. Naruto watched in gross fascination as they locked themselves in a perfect circle, each one eating another's tail. Smaller and smaller they became until all that was left were sharp jaws, pus and hair.

No sooner was the parasite expelled, did he feel a sharp bite against his thumb. Twelve had taken the place of four. Bigger yet again. Grabbing the fork, he stabbed and pulled, stabbed and pulled- Yet each time they came back, doubled in number and size. The skin of his arm was peeling apart to his elbow to accommodate them like an unravelled seam.

Pure panic now overrode any possible feelings of pain he was experiencing. Without thinking, Naruto pulled a butcher's knife from the rack. He cleared the empty ramen pots and rubbish from the counter top and laid his arm flat against the surface. Gently, he marked the point of entry with the tip of the blade.

Naruto then clenched his jaw and raised the knife high above his head.

Five...

Four...

Three...

Two-

"NARU! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!"

He almost dropped the blade. Sasuke was hammering on his apartment door with the aid of someone else, probably Kiba. Naruto breathed and blinked, frozen stiff by disorientation. Slowly, he held up his infected arm for inspection.

There were no worms. No gaping hole. Not even a scratch left... The skin was smooth and perfect once more.

Eventually the door gave way and Kiba came tumbling into the apartment on his face. Sasuke stepped over him, his eyes livid.

"For fuck sake! We've got a mission today. Do you know how long- What the hell are you doing?" he pointed at the blade Naruto was still holding over his head.

"I thought..." Naruto trailed off as he continued to stare down at his arm. No amount of shovelling would unearth a reasonable enough explanation to fool them with. The worms were gone. Vanished. They probably hadn't even been there in the first place.

"Naru?" Kiba had pulled himself up of the floor and was walking towards him slowly. Worry etched all over his pleasant features. Akamaru was whining nervously behind him.

How could he possibly explain?

"There _were_ worms." he said firmly. Both boys nodded, staring at him as though he had just gone completely insane. "I was going to..." he shook his head and dropped the knife in the sink.

"Dude, are you alright?"

Naruto dragged his hands through his hair and over his face. He wasn't sure any more. "Fine," he lied. "I'm fine."

He wanted to punch the worry from their faces but instead, he cracked a careless smirk. It felt heavy and painful.

"Seriously, I'm fine."

He didn't sound fine. The words sounded all wrong, thick and static like a scratched record. Kiba and Sasuke looked unconvinced yet seemed to think better of pressing the matter any further. Both boys knew well enough that the blond had a habit of turning nasty when he was pushed.

"We've got a mission today, remember?" said Sasuke, changing the subject. "We were supposed to be meeting Kakashi at the bridge-" His dark eyes darted towards the clock. "Two hours ago..." He scowled furiously. "That prick."

Naruto pulled on his jacket. His skin felt all tingly and cold. "I take it that he didn't turn up again?"

Their sensei, Hatake Kakashi was as infamous for his lateness as he was for his taste in explicit reading material. These of course were things that they had found out days after their first meeting with him. Kakashi had not lied, he did in fact have lots of hobbies though for some reason Naruto had a feeling that they were mainly perverse. Kiba swore that they were anyway.

The dog nin scoffed. "Like hell. Do you reckon those excuses he gives us are true?"

Sasuke stared at him incredulously. "Are you as gullible as you are stupid? The man couldn't lie his way out of a paper bag. His stories are worse than Naruto's and that's saying something. Honestly," he sighed. "How can you function with your level of stupidity?"

Kiba shrugged it off. "So we saw Shino this morning. You know Shino?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed. Round black shades and a cloud of flies sprung to mind. "Was he the guy with the bugs?"

The dog nin nodded. "He was telling me that him, Haruno and Hinata just got back from a C ranked mission to Sand. Can you believe it?"

"Damn."

"I know right? While they're doing escort missions, we gotta find lost cats!"

"All of which seem to hate you," Sasuke glared at Naruto. "It's damn near impossible to catch them with you around."

Naruto chuckled. Cats liked to keep twenty metre distance from him at all times. "No, not that. I'm just disappointed that Haruno came back alive-" His stomach growled. "Ramen?"

"Why not?" agreed Kiba. "It's not like Kakashi's gonna turn up for another two hours. Reckon he's got a fuck buddy or something?"

Sasuke snorted. "Given the amount of porn he reads? I doubt it."

"That and he's probably got tentacles instead of a mouth," Naruto wriggled his fingers in front of his lips.

"I'm pretty sure there's a fetish for that," Kiba said thoughtfully.

"According to you, there's a fetish for everything," Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"That's cause there is," he nodded. "Oh, Naru? You might wanna put bleach down the sink so that the sick doesn't block it."

* * *

Naruto's mood lightened considerably as they approached Ichiraku's. The smell of ramen was always enough to lift his spirits and now that sleep was gone, it was one of the few creature comforts he could rely on. Hopefully, the Kyuubi would not turn his beloved ramen into a flesh eating, skin popping monster as well. Naruto would have to kill himself if it did that.

Kiba and Sasuke had clearly been left unsettled by his latest stunt. They would exchange worried glances when they thought he wasn't looking, and each time they spoke to him, their words were careful like they were trying to negotiate with a suicide bomber. Naruto glared them down. It went unsaid that they would find themselves nailed to a tree by their genitalia if they so much as thought of raising the issue.

The hallucination had left Naruto feeling confused, vulnerable and angry. Very angry. He would have to keep his temper under control however. If he snapped there was no telling what the Hokage and the council might do to him but Naruto was almost certain that it would not involve psychotherapy.

However, it was very hard to swallow rage when it kept bubbling up, clenching at his fingers and sucking all the good humour from his words. He wanted to lash out and smash something, anything at all. He wanted to twist and break it with his bare hands, set it on fire and then dance upon its dying embers in glee.

"-It's like you said, Hinata. Naruto bugs other people for attention-"

The less than dulcet tones of Haruno Sakura clanged against his ears as they moved to enter the establishment. Naruto stopped to listen, ignoring the wary look his companions exchanged.

"-It's annoying. He's selfish, egotistical and-"

"That's not nice Sakura-chan." came Hinata's voice.

"So? It's the truth. You admitted yourself that you hate him."

"I never said I hated him. He's difficult to like, I admit but he's probably nice-" she continued doubtfully. There was a collective scoff from her listeners. "...somewhere underneath it all."

"I think he's kinda funny," Ino barged in. "Don't get me wrong, I still haven't forgiven him for the flask incident. Sides, aren't you guys jealous of the stuff he's able to get off with? My parents would murder me."

Sakura snorted. "Like I said, it's because he's been brought up badly."

Naruto should have just turned away and let it slide. He should have told Sasuke and Kiba that he was no longer hungry and gone with them to the assigned meeting place. It would have been sensible. It would have been reasonable. But Naruto wasn't feeling very reasonable at that moment in time, and he'd be damned if he passed up an opportunity to vent his rage.

"Whaddyah mean, _brought up_?" He called out as he stepped into the stall. "I have you know that I'm one hundred percent responsible for the fine specimen I am today. Three of the usual!" he nodded to the smiling faced owner.

Suddenly the steam in the hut looked like frozen air as the temperature plummeted to Baltic. The girls were crouched at the end of the ramen counter, all three looked a little sheepish at having been caught. Sakura's green eyes darted towards Sasuke, who glared at her with such intensity it could have burned the village for two weeks. Naruto pulled up a stool and plonked it down right in front of her.

"It's rude to listen in on other peoples' conversations," she whispered.

"Well, it's kinda hard to ignore a foghorn when it's blowing in your ear," he replied seriously.

"Isn't it rude to talk about people behind their backs?" Kiba said, after a moment's hard contemplation. "My mom always said it was."

"_Really?_" said Naruto sarcastically. "I did not know that! Oh right, it's probably because I've been "brought up badly". Isn't that right Haruno?"

She bristled. "You were not supposed to hear that."

Naruto's voice lacked its usual jovial tone. Every word he spoke cut like a razor. "As I said, foghorns are kinda hard to ignore. So I was wondering, does this apply to the Uchiha as well? You see we're both the only representing members of the Absentee Parents Club here. No offence, Kiba. It's pretty exclusive."

"I don't have a Dad."

"That makes you a bastard then."

Kiba eyes narrowed a little but he said nothing. It was clear from his expression that he knew only too well what it was Naruto was trying to achieve. In turn, the blond didn't know whether to kick or kiss him for his tolerance. For some reason both Sakura and Ino staring at Hinata. The girl ignored them and continued to eat her meal in embarrassment.

"Sasuke-kun isn't like you," snapped Haruno. "You've never had parents so therefore you don't know what it's like to-"

"You don't know what it's like not to have them," Sasuke cut in. "Could we get these to go?" he asked the owner.

The whole restaurant went silent. No one knew quite were to look or what to say... Except Naruto- He was livid that Sasuke had gone and spoiled his fun.

"You know why Sasuke isn't interested in you and why he never will be?" he grinned coldly, turning back to the pink haired girl. "Cause he's gay for his brother. His parents caught Itachi fucking him and when they tried to stop it, Itachi killed them. That's also why Sasu's so obsessed with finding him. He just can't wait for the day when his big brother finally bends him over and-"

He suddenly found himself lying flat on his back with a sore jaw. Sasuke was towering over him, his fist clenched. The mask he wore had finally split in two to reveal the pure pain and anger hidden behind it. After six months of grating away at the boy's stoic façade, Naruto had accomplished his goal. What stood before him was no longer the Sasuke he knew. It was the real Sasuke that had been buried years before by the murder of his parents. Yes, it was a hollow victory but never had Naruto seen the boy look so alive.

"Don't fucking talk shit about my family," the Uchiha snarled.

Naruto pouted, his own face cracking with the sadistic urge to laugh. "Or what? You'll kill me?" He pulled himself off the floor. "I'd really like to see that."

"Dudes, do you think -"

"Shut up," Sasuke snapped at him.

Kiba jaw trembled and he fell silent. His dark eyes darted between them nervously.

"Sorry," Naruto nodded to the boy as he cracked his knuckles.

Nothing was going to defuse them this time, not even Kiba. Naruto had finally gotten what he wanted and now he wanted to see just how many layers there was to this new Sasuke. Did he feel any sort of friendship towards himself and Kiba at all? Or were they just convenient tools he would dispose of once he finally found his brother? Naruto wanted to know. He needed to know.

"You should apologise, Naruto," Hinata spoke up. Ino and Sakura were at a complete loss. The atmosphere was so tense that one word could have tripped the switch and the ramen hut would have exploded. "He's your friend."

Naruto laughed. He stared straight into Sasuke's furious eyes. "Didn't you get the memo? He doesn't have any friends. Doesn't need them-" There was a flicker of some sort of emotion deep within the boy's dark orbs. "-All he needs in life is a bunch of rotting corpses and his big brother's cock."

The Uchiha threw himself at Naruto with a wounded roar. The two boys toppled out of the ramen stand and onto the street outside. They punched and kicked at one another like animals, disregarding the pleading screams coming from the girls and Kiba's heroic attempts to separate them.

Naruto didn't try to block Sasuke's attacks, he was too concerned with landing his own upon the boy. Blood, anger and pain were hammered into their every blow. Naruto's eyebrow was bleeding, his tooth was chipped- In comparison, Sasuke looked a lot worse and his long suffering nose had been broken once again.

It wasn't a game any more. There was no tom foolery underlining their actions, both boys wanted to pulverise the other. As Sasuke moved to take a kunai from his pouch, Kiba ran forward to restrain him. While they struggled against one another, Naruto threw a punch at Sasuke's jaw and accidentally hit the dog nin on the rebound. He didn't even have time to say sorry, because Sasuke was on his feet again with a crazed look on his face and his fingers wrapped around a kunai.

Naruto stopped the blade point with his palm. It stabbed through his flesh and out the back of his hand. He didn't flinch, not once, not even as he stared down into the raging abyss of Sasuke's glare. He could see from the boy's eyes that he was completely beyond reason and Naruto finally understood why he'd really been provoking Sasuke all along. He just wanted to prove to himself that there was someone just as fucked up as he was.

"Alright you two," sighed a familiar muffled voice. Naruto and Sasuke suddenly found themselves being wrenched apart and hoisted into the air by their collars. "Time out."

Kakashi stared down at them reproachfully with his one visible eye. The two boys pulled themselves from his grip, Sasuke rather violently. Sakura rushed towards his side only to be shoved away.

"Team mates are not supposed to try and kill each other," Kakashi folded his arms. "If you let your personal grievances effect your working relationships so easily then you'll never be a good ninja." His eyes lingered on Sasuke as he spoke.

"But Naruto started it!" Sakura jumped in to defended him. "He said all of these horrible things about-"

"Shut up, you're no better than him," snarled Sasuke. And she did, immediately.

Their scuffle had drawn the attention of a small crowd. The spectators muttered amongst themselves, occasionally their wary eyes would rest upon Naruto. He glared at them and tugged the kunai from his palm. Blood splattered on the ground.

"I have a fair idea of what Naruto said." Kakashi nodded to Sakura. "Are you happy now?" He turned to the blond. "Did you get the reaction you wanted?"

Naruto said nothing. Of course, he wasn't happy. How could he be? He had just proved to himself what a sadistic nut case he really was. He expression darkened as he stared down at his feet.

The man sighed. "And another thing, you were supposed to meet me at the bridge so that I could-"

"But you were late!" Kiba interrupted. His jaw was swollen out like a balloon from the blow by Naruto's elbow.

"Patience is a virtue," Kakashi told him. "Learn it. You know, I was going to bring you to the Hokage today to have you assigned to a C rank mission, but now I think I should just send you all back to the academy."

The three boys all began protesting at once. Kakashi waited until they had fallen silent before he began to speak once more.

"Let me just get one thing straight now. That leaf forehead protector you wear on your heads is not a fashion accessory nor is it a congratulatory prize for passing an exam. It is a symbol of your fealty-" his eye wandered from each one of their faces. "-When you wear it you are not only representing Konoha, you are also carrying the whole village with you. Never do anything to dishonour those people, do I make myself clear?"

They nodded childishly.

"I don't care if you end up hating each other, I need you all to work together. This mission will be your one and only chance. If at any point one of you does something that will jeopardise a team mate's safety, I won't be sending you back to the academy. I will personally make sure that you are _all_ expelled from the Shinobi ranks forever. Do you understand?"

Thoroughly chastised, they nodded again. In truth, Naruto didn't give a damn about the village. There could have been a penis engraved upon his forehead protector for all he cared. He did however care about loosing Kiba and Sasuke because of some stupid argument he had started. His eyes wandered towards the two boys' faces. Predictably, the Uchiha ignored him but Kiba gave him a weak smile.

Relieved, Naruto smiled back. He could always rely on Kiba to forgive him when he was being a twat. Sasuke would be a harder nut to crack. A simple sorry would not wash it with the boy.

Although most of the crowd had dispersed, Sakura, Ino and Hinata were still lingering nearby. It was clear from Hinata's face that she wanted to leave but Sakura's worry and Ino's sense of twisted curiosity kept her there.

"Let that be a lesson to you three as well," Kakashi said to them. "Anko in particular is even less merciful than I am."

At this Sakura paled a little, her eyes darted towards Hinata.

"Come on, we're already five hours late," Kakashi said.

They followed him in silence, each boy privately thinking to himself that their lateness was no one's fault other than their sensei's.

* * *

"What are you going to Water for?" Naruto asked as he scratched his jaw.

It was quite clear to everyone in the Missions' Office, that not only was the old bald monk doing a headstand on the Hokage's desk completely insane, but there was a high chance that he was a reanimated corpse as well. All the wrinkles and scabby skin made him look as if a vulture had plucked his rotting body from a sky burial platform.

"Slugs!" the man beamed at him with his rotten yellow teeth.

The three boys stared, utterly at a loss. Konoha was well known for its eccentrics but this monk made even the most batty of those seem like upstanding, reasonable citizens.

"Couldn't you just lift up a rock in a back garden?" Kiba muttered.

Suddenly, there was a smack and Kiba winced, gripping the top of his head. Naruto blinked in wonder. The old monk was surprisingly fast, having leapt from the table to the boy's side in a matter of seconds to hit him with a fan. Sasuke's eyes met Naruto's before the Uchiha suddenly remembered that he was no longer talking to him, and looked away.

Naruto was tempted to kick him just to get him to react again. To anger Sasuke any further was a bad idea but at least Naruto would have been getting some sort of exchange with him other than the deadly cold silence.

"Imbecile!" the monk barked, the brightly coloured string of prayer beads jingled around his wrist in fury. "I am looking for a particular type of slug that can only be found in Water- JIN! I SAID PERPENDICULAR NOT OBLIQUE!" There was another crack as the fan this time hit the giant of a man crouched on the floor drawing a large mandala on the wood with chalk.

Naruto watched Jin blink at his master. He had the look of someone who was either very slow or had just been hit across the head with a shovel.

"Sorry, your Holiness," he mumbled. "...What's the difference?"

There was another crack of the fan.

"It will take at least a four days for you to travel to the ferry and another one before you reach Kirigakure," Naruto's ears strained to listen to the hushed exchange between the Hokage and his sensei. "Keep in mind that we have not received a Kirigakure envoy in more than a month, Kakashi. I do not think that we have any reason to be alarmed but be cautious just in case. From what your reports have told me and my own personal findings, I do believe there may be a problem with him. The Sanzo and his disciple are eager to observe any his behaviour and I-"

"Do you think, Sasuke's gonna speak to you again," Kiba's voice broke his concentration.

The blond shrugged. "Maybe if I serenade him or something. Do you think he'd like chocolates and a teddy bear?"

"Mom always says that the way to get to a man's heart is through his dick."

A large grin cracked across Naruto's face. "Are you telling me I should suck his dick then? And here was me thinking that you were into girls."

Kiba's eyebrows shot up his forehead protector in alarm. "Dude, that's gross- Wait!" his eyes widened, suddenly terrified. "Do you think my Mom did that to a man?"

"You'd certainly hope she did," muttered Sasuke. "Kami knows what fathered you otherwise."

The two boys looked at him. The Uchiha still kept his back to them but it was clear that he was not ignoring them completely. Well, not ignoring Kiba, just Naruto.


	7. Something Wicked this Way Comes

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and _you_ should be thankful for that... No seriously.

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter Seven

"Something Wicked this Way Comes"

Jin gripped the side of the rusty old boat in a daze. Slowly, with all the brain power of a wasp that had just flown into a window, he realised that yes- His greenish face did indeed have half digested rice and stomach carrots stuck all over it. A few cog turns later, and it finally dawned on him that the reason why his head looked like a salad dish, was because he had thrown up in the opposite direction to the wind.

Naruto allowed himself a malicious snigger as he watched the gentle giant stoop over and wipe the sick away with his robes. It was funny. Hilariously so in fact. Furthermore, it gave some much needed light relief to the tense and silent ferry journey.

The blond sighed as he knocked his head back against the flaking white paint on the boat's stern. He was out of his element and he knew it. Despite the high wind, the sea was reasonably calm but even that could not stop the wave of nausea building in his stomach at the sight of water.

"I hate boats," he mumbled beneath his breath.

"Wazzat?" asked Kiba. His voice muffled by dog hair.

The blond turned his head to look at him. For some strange reason, Kiba had convinced himself that by burying his head in Akamaru's coat, he would be spared the indignity of throwing up. The puppy's small brown eyes blinked at Naruto in resignation. Given that there was still three more hours until they reached Water Country, there was a high chance that Kiba would suffocate himself long before they landed.

"I said- I fucking hate boats!" repeated the blond boy.

His furious declaration made Sasuke lift his eyes momentarily. Their gaze meet for a mere fleeting of seconds before they turned away from one another.

Another thing Naruto hated about the boat was the close proximity. It wasn't in actual fact a ferry. It was an old fishing boat that doubled up as public transport to and from the Islands of Water Country. Oh, there was plenty of room alright amongst the nets and the tackle, but if Naruto wanted to talk to Kiba, then he had to be prepared to put up with the other boy as well. Sasuke sat a mere two feet away from them with his nose stuck in a scroll, his ears perked up in full alert like a Doberman's.

The moment Naruto had realised that the Uchiha would not be forgiving him any time soon, he'd gotten over his initial remorse rather quickly. Three days had trickled by and the blond grew more and more resentful of his punishment. He began to reason with himself, childishly placing the blame back on the other boy.

"Just say you're sorry, would you?" Although filtered by dog fur, it was clear from his tone that Kiba was fed up with trying to ignore the giant pink elephant hovering between his two friends with a jumbo packet of peanuts.

Naruto shrugged and scratched his neck. The itch was only being made worse by the sea air. Sasuke could hear them. He was still pretending to read the damn scroll, but he could definitely hear them.

"Why should I?"

The dog nin said nothing for a moment. He simply stared at Naruto.

"Cause you were a prick."

Naruto yawned nonchalantly. "He's the one not talking to me."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"No," he admitted. "It's not like he's gonna listen anyway. The guy's goal in life is to become a homicidal maniac."

"Dude," Kiba narrowed his eyes. "Sometimes I feel like opening a dictionary at the word asshole just to see if there's a picture of you there."

The blond fought back the temptation to ask Kiba if he could tell the difference between a dictionary and a restaurant menu. Instead, he leaned back against the side of the boat and folded his arms in arrogant defiance.

"I'd more likely be under the words "sexy" and "beast"," he said smugly.

"Don't flatter yourself, kid-" Kakashi's amused tone almost made him jump right out of his skin.

Naruto looked up to see the man leaning back against the bars, one hand in his trouser pocket and in his other, his tattered copy of Icha Icha paradise. He did not appear to be in the least bit bothered by the wind flapping at his hair.

"-Sexy only applies to people who've got facial hair they can shave."

Naruto scowled at him. In the sixth months since the formation of their team, his initial hostility towards the grey haired jounin had lessened slightly, _very_ slightly. It was the mask that bugged him the most. That visible representation of secrets and suppression really got under Naruto's skin more so than Kakashi's lateness and half assed attitude. The boy knew that he was being a hypocrite, but he'd never enjoyed waiting on someone other than himself.

However, with one friend trying to suffocate himself and the other plotting his demise, the blond had no choice but to try and make a stab at conversation with the man.

"Aren't pictures better?" He nodded at the explicit content sign on the orange cover of the book.

Kakashi didn't look up. "I don't need any help in that regard."

"Got a girlfriend then?"

"_Hmm?_ What?" He tore his one eye away from the page.

"I said," Naruto repeated slowly. "Have you got a girlfriend?"

Kakashi shook his head. "If you're lucky to live as long as I have, a steady relationship isn't really something that you can-" He stopped himself with a shrug of the shoulders. "You'll understand when you're older."

Having never seen what Kakashi looked like behind his navy mask, Naruto couldn't tell what age he was. After all, grey hair was something usually found on a pensioner but it was not unheard of, and Team Leaders were mostly in their twenties or thirties. Ageless, faceless and careless. Kakashi Hatake was an enigma, and a fucking annoying one at that.

"Try me," Childishness crept its way into Naruto's voice.

"Sorry, but I'm not into kids or boys."

"Fuck you."

Kakashi's one eye crinkled up in a grin. "Trying to sound like a hard ass again?"

Naruto glared at him. "I don't have to try."

"Riiight," drawled the man. "Tell me, Naruto. Have you ever "fucked" someone before?"

The boy didn't answer. He pumped his glare full of hard defiance instead.

Kakashi sighed and shook his head. "Here's a bit of advice for you all. Don't use words unless you've got the experience behind you. Why? Because it makes you sound stupid-" His eye drifted to Kiba and Sasuke as he spoke. "-or worse, like you're trying to show off."

Without saying another word, Naruto got up and slouched off towards the bow of the boat. He didn't dare look at Kiba or Sasuke as he went. He knew the man was right and it pissed him off to no end. Despite the crude jokes himself and others exchanged, females and sex were still untouchable, strange concepts idolised by dirty magazines and their hormones. Still, it wasn't going to stop him from swearing.

At the front of the boat, the Sanzo was sitting crossed legged on a lobster pot, a chopstick in one hand and a snail shell in the other. Across the orange folds of his robes lay a brown satchel of unknown content, his small string of brightly coloured prayer beads jingled around his wrist like bells as his arm moved.

For all their crack-pot eccentricity, Naruto liked the monks. They made him feel calm whenever they were around. Somehow their presence seemed to block out the garbled static in his mind.

"Did you know that in some countries snails are considered a delicacy?" The old man asked him as he approached.

Naruto shook his head. He watched him stab the tip of the chopstick into the shell, swirl it around and then scoop the body out. The snail's black carcass glistened at the end, curled and small like a bead. Naruto felt his stomach twist when the Sanzo popped it in his mouth. There was a squelch as yellow teeth clamped down and chewed.

"Mmmm," He smacked his lips together, tossing the empty shell over his shoulder into the water. "Still wriggling. Want some?"

"Er, no thanks."

The monk shrugged and picked another one out of his bag. "Your loss- Jin! _Circular!_"

His disciple looked up from the small stone in his lap that he was drawing on. It wasn't small really. It was just that the man's hands were the seize of meat cleavers. Naruto twisted his head around to study the design; Four concentric oval rings with small criss-crosses and kanji intertwined between the lines. The younger monk rubbed it out with his robe obediently.

"That drawing. What does it mean?" Naruto asked, pointing to it.

"Nothing," replied the Sanzo as he popped another snail into his mouth. "Absolutely nothing! Most things in life don't mean anything at all. It can _do_ something however, when used in the correct way. Other than that it is just a bunch of scribbles... Isn't it funny the way humans always put the emphasis on the meaning of things rather than the purpose? Meaning is just pure aesthetics these days."

Naruto arched an eyebrow. Sometimes he really did worry about what was going on in the man's mind. "So what does it _do_ then?"

"Catches slugs. Brilliant, isn't it?" The man cried, taking Naruto's dumbstruck silence for a sign of encouragement. "And not just slugs but all different types of nasties. Like beetles and other beasties who feast on men's souls. That's why I have to trap the buggers!" He waved the chopstick in the air above his head.

Although Naruto was not the biggest fan of insects himself, he did not quite view them in the same demonic light that the Sanzo was talking of. He studied the man's face as he fiddled with a particularly stubborn snail. The monk was ancient like something that had crawled out of a crypt after ten thousand years. His skin papery and translucent. His eyes unfocused with a thin film of milky blue covering the blue iris.

"Your eyes..." The words jumped out of Naruto's mouth before he could stop them.

"I'm blind as a bat," the Sanzo waved it off. "Have been for years. I can still read though if I hold the page right up against my nose. Other than that, everything is just blurs and squiggles. For instance, you look like a pineapple or a very strange mushroom!" He grinned merrily.

Naruto ran his hand through his hair. A very strange mushroom indeed. "Then how can you-?"

"See?" finished the Sanzo. The boy nodded. "The world isn't such a hard place to navigate your way around when you've got the rest of your senses. In fact, I can "see" a lot better these days without my damn eyes. Did you know that colours have a scent?"

Naruto was at a loss for words. Having travelled with the man for three days, he already knew that what he said was true. However, that didn't make it any less difficult to digest.

"Take this shell of example," The monk held it up to the light. "It's light brownie gold with little flecks of black and yellow around the centre of it like tiger stripes. How do I know this? Well, it smells of clay, charcoal and primrose. The more condensed the colour, the stronger its smell. I'm also able to tell exactly where the little flecks of black and gold are by their stench. There's ten black ones here and one of them is shaped like a spoon-" He shoved it in Naruto's face for the boy to inspect.

The blond strained his eyes. Never in a million years would he had ever been able to count the number of flecks and blobs without the aid of a magnifying glass. Sure enough though, there was one shaped like a spoon.

"I can also tell that you've been wearing the same green boxers for three days!" The monk tapped his nose proudly.

"They're not dirty," grumbled Naruto, but the Sanzo was no longer listening. Suddenly, a thought struck the boy. "How do you know what Jin's drawing then?"

"Movements make noise!" the man told him. "Noise then reverberates off things. It all goes right through my ears and into the old noggin, where it forms pictures and shapes-" he wrapped his knuckles off his head. "Chakra, emotions, objects- You name it, it all hum bah-dah-dum-dums off the brain. Course, my senses aren't as sharp as they used to be but this imbecile is about as graceful as troll trying to play the- I SAID CIRCULAR, YOU TWIT!" he barked, picking up his fan and whacking Jin hard.

It was little wonder why the man was so simple given the abuse he suffered constantly at the hands of his superior. Naruto leaned back against the railing, his mind reeling. For some reason, he felt utterly exhausted after speaking with the monk.

* * *

It was nearly night fall when they came across the remains of the four men.

The grass was burned, the earth broken and churned up like some great explosion had taken place. Trees had been torn up from the ground, split into pieces and scattered around the clearing along with the severed limbs of the victims. Everything was black and dead and covered in a thick, clear substance that had long since hardened on the surface.

"What's with all the slime?" Kiba looked utterly dumbfounded as he rubbed the foul goo from his sandal onto the dirt.

Naruto shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe the killer's got dental problems?"

He picked his way through the debris, tipping over body parts with the ball of his foot as he went. The sight didn't sicken him although he knew that it probably should have. In truth, he was curious more than anything else, Naruto had never seen a real dead body before. He bent down to inspect the one and only corpse that still had all its limbs attached to it.

Given the level of decay, it was impossible to determine the age of the victim. Beneath the dead man's matted brown hair, thick blue veins ran across his face like the rivers on a map of some empty, cold wasteland. Crows had already pecked the eyes to bloody pulps, while the humid air had left the body bloated and oozing like a beached whale. It stank something terrible.

Naruto picked up a stick and poked.

"Dude! _Stop!_" hissed Kiba in disgust.

The blond twisted his head to look at the boy. "It's not like he's gonna complain. He's dead."

With a roll of the eyes, the dog nin tripped off to inspect the edges of the clearing, Akamaru followed after him. Naruto continued to jab the dead man's face hard until the skin broke. Dark septic blood spilled down the cheek onto the ground. The grass hissed and shrivelled where it touched, scorching it to black.

Something deep in the pits of Naruto's stomach gave an excited jolt.

"Kirigakure..."

Naruto lifted his head at the sound of his teacher's voice. The man was holding a torn forehead protector in his hand. With great care and utmost respect, he wiped the mud from the metal with his sleeve before placing it in his back pouch. His mask and forehead protector did little to disguise Kakashi's unease. His shoulders were tense and ridged like the cold blade of a knife.

"...No wonder they haven't been sending envoys," he muttered.

"How long have they been dead?" asked Sasuke. The boy was walking around the clearing, observing the massacre with the same interest one might use when looking at a fragment of ancient pottery.

"Roughly a week or so," said Kakashi. "Naruto! Drop that damn stick right now!" And the boy did, like an anvil. Kakashi shook his head before continuing. "It's a wonder that they haven't been carried off by the animals... Just like before," he said to himself. "The poor bastards didn't stand a chance."

Naruto scratched the curve between his ear and his jawline viciously. He frowned at the man. "Whaddyah mean?"

"Look at the tracks."

He followed his finger to the gigantic trenches in the ground. Even in the darkening gloom, he could still make out the trail of hardened slime of something huge sliding from the left and exiting through the right of the clearing.

"Ninjutsu?" asked Sasuke.

Kakashi shook his head. "I doubt it."

"Are there ninja that big?"

By the look on Sasuke's face, Naruto knew immediately that he had just said something utterly retarded. He shot him the middle finger and the boy turned away, ignoring him once more.

"Hey! There's no tracks from beyond this point, or any in the opposite direction." Kiba suddenly called from behind a tree trunk. "It just stops- Maru! Put that down!" He tried to grab the femur from his dog.

Naruto watched him chase the animal with a grin.

"Whatever it was, it was big and powerful," said their sensei gravelly. "Take the man over there." He nodded to the dead body. "He doesn't appear to have any open wounds on his body but he's already so decomposed, it'll be impossible to determine what really happened to him. The others however, were chopped up for dinner..."

No one spoke. It was a grisly sight to behold indeed. Naruto climbed slowly to his feet.

"There's a small farm not too far from here if my memory serves me correctly," mused the Sanzo. He seemed entirely unaffected and unsurprised by the scene around him. "What are you doing, you silly fool?" He demanded, turning to Jin.

His disciple looked up from the clear slime he was wiping on his forearms. "I'm putting the slime on like you said. So that I can glide through life li- " Jin's face twisted in sudden agony as the goo began burn his skin.

Kakashi threw his bottle to the man. The monk whimpered, he poured the contents over his arm slowly. Great billows of steam rose upwards from the wounds as the water hit it, washing the slime away.

A quiet chuckle escaped Naruto's lips. Jin really was in a class of his own when it came to stupidity. As he stepped over the body, a pair of tattered wings caught the boy's eye. The bird that had robbed the dead man's eyes had also met a similar sticky end. Its body was puffed up like a balloon, its feathers sticking outwards like the spikes on a mace head.

Naruto continued to stare at it for a long time until a sharp tap on the shoulder broke the spell. He turned around to see his sensei standing over him with a disturbed look in his eye. It was only then that Naruto noticed the large feral grin he had plastered across his face.

"Come on," said Kakashi. "We need to keep moving."

* * *

They eventually arrived at the farm the Sanzo had spoken of. Situated at the edge of the forest, it was about half a day away from Kirigakure and had long since been abandoned by its owners. The Great Shinobi war had left Kakashi suspicious of any unknown or abandoned buildings. His wariness was understandable though, given that they were primary targets for things that went bump in the middle of the night. However, he didn't have a choice.

His team were young and hot headed. His clients, stupid and insane and then there was something else- Something far more dangerous than a heavily armed foe lurking in the wilderness around them. Kakashi knew the type of devastation that they had seen in the clearing all too well. He had seen it happen once before with his very own eyes.

After setting up the precautionary sensor seals and traps around the perimeter, the jounin had decided to take the first watch. In truth, it was a duty that he intended to stick with for the remainder of the cold, wet night. The boys were too naive and unpredictable to be entrusted with the task yet. Despite being genin, their bodies and minds were still those of children- And severally emotionally stunted children at that.

Kakashi felt his legs drag as he completed his hundredth lap of the building and its outhouses. In its heyday, the farm had probably been quite quaint but now the weeds and ivy had claimed for their own. He rubbed his gloves together and cursed the dark. There was no chance of reading in this weather.

As he turned the corner of the main house an odd, almost eerie sight greeted him.

Naruto was standing in the doorway alone, his eyes wide open in a sleeping state as he stared out into the night with an empty expression. The moonlight caught the curves in his face in accentuated triangles. His limbs were long and heavy as if they were weighed down by bricks. Against the silver and the rain, he looked so very fragile.

Whatever world the child was in, it was far beyond the reach of mortal men.

At first, Kakashi did not try to call out his name. He approached the boy cautiously and waved his hand in front of his face. When there was no response, he clicked his fingers.

A flicker of lids. A blink. Then nothing.

"Naruto?" Kakashi spoke softly, as if he feared that speaking alone might shatter the boy. "Naruto, wake up."

The child's right foot dragged forward across the door frame. He pushed past Kakashi, completely under the spell of his dreams. As the man followed him, he prayed to the gods that the boy would wake up before he had to intervene.

About four feet away from the house, Naruto suddenly stopped. His limbs began to tremble. His eyes rolled back in his skull. His jaw went slack, rolled and fell to the side. Then he exploded in contorted pain.

Alarmed, Kakashi watched Naruto's limbs crack in the disjointed movements of terror. It was horrifying sight to behold, like a wild animal or a malevolent spirit was trying to force its way through the boy's skin. Naruto's fingers clawed and searched out his stomach. They ripped at the flimsy white material of his nightshirt, shredding it to pieces. When nail met flesh, crimson flew through the air and Kakashi rushed forward to contain the boy. He scooped Naruto up into his arms, despite his violent struggle, and hurried him back into the house.

In the kitchen come makeshift bedroom, he threw Naruto on his sleeping bag. With the corners of his knees, he pinned the boy's hands to the floor in an effort to keep him from further harming himself. The child hissed, his body arching upwards.

"What's happening?"

Kakashi looked up. Both Sasuke and Kiba were wide awake and staring at Naruto's rolling head. Thankfully, they were still a bit too slow on the uptake, because otherwise the man's current position might have looked extremely questionable.

"He's gone into a fit. One of you wake up the Sanzo. C'mon, Naruto! C'mon! Wake up!" he coaxed, patting the boy's face.

Naruto cried out, his fingers twisted white and rattled off the floor. He coughed. Blood erupted from between his lips and spilled down his chin. Kakashi forced his head to the side so that it cleared completely from his mouth.

There was a fizzle as the material burned away into a hole where the blood touched it.

"Holy shit!" Kiba scrabbled towards him while his team mate tried to wake the Sanzo from the dead. "Is he gonna be alright? What's happening to him?"

In truth, Kakashi only had a vague idea about what was happening to Naruto himself. It was classified information that no one other than himself and Iruka knew of, and even then they had been told very little by the Hokage. For not the first time in his life, Kakashi found himself caught in between trying to do what was right, like comforting the boy's friend, and trying to protect the law.

With all the will power he could muster, he forced himself to look into the Kiba's pleading eyes. "Naruto's a tough kid. He'll be fine- Ugggh!"

From the other side of the room, Kakashi pulled himself back onto his feet. His head spun a little from where it had hit the wall. He'd always known that Naruto was a strong but by the gods, the boy a monster. Sasuke had abandoned his efforts to wake the Sanzo, himself and Kiba were practically lying on top of Naruto in an effort to restrain him.

"WAKE... UP... YOU... IDIOT!" Sasuke barked over his carefully timed punches to boy's head.

Kakashi highly doubted that the Uchiha's hands on approach was purely out of genuine concern for the blond. When Naruto bucked again beneath them, the two genin clung on for dear life.

"We need to put a cone on his neck- I mean, cover his hands," Kiba said. "He won't stop scratching himself."

"Kiba, you're a genius!" The boy flushed with pride. Kakashi quickly took over, his adult weight subdued Naruto a little better. "Quick, grab my cloak and cut two large triangles from it. It's in my backpack. Sasuke, resist the urge to punch him."

The Uchiha glared down at his squirming team mate. "I'll try."

In a matter of seconds, Kiba was back with the scraps of cloth.

"Right," said Kakashi. "Put the cloth under his hands, pull the top of the triangle over the palm and then secure it by tying the bottom two parts over it."

Kiba quickly set to work, which was difficult given that Naruto kept twisting. Finally, after countless failed attempts, he sat back with a triumphant grin.

"Done."

"Good work. Now where the hell are those monks?"

"Somebody call?" yawned a sleepy voice.

The Sanzo appeared to be entirely unphased by the five angry eyes glaring him. He stretched and rubbed his belly.

"Good grief, there must have been a white lip in that batch of snails I ate today. The damn things always give me terrible indigestion." He pulled a face before looking at Naruto. "Is the obnoxious angry one alright?"

"Come and see for yourself," growled Kakashi.

The old man stepped over his snoring disciple, taking care to trod on him as he went. He bent over the boy, and another squirt of blood erupt from Naruto's mouth. The Sanzo's nose twitched, he sighed.

"Oh dear... Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear," he shook his head as he muttered. "It's attacking his internal organs. I didn't think that it would have gotten this far already. Get off him you lot."

The three Shinobi did as they were told. They sat in silence, watching as the man ran his hands over the blond's stomach. Occasionally, he would stop to listen or a take a deep inhale of breath through his nostrils. Naruto continued to scream. Spit and blood flew everywhere as he lashed out.

"None of that!" ordered the monk.

His fingers formed a square above the boy's head and he mumbled something incoherent. When he removed his hands, Naruto was completely still aside from the gentle rise and fall of his breath.

"There. That oughta do it!" But despite his jovial tone, the monk looked worried.

Kakashi sighed with relief. "What did you do to him?" he asked.

"Just a seal to calm him down. It's only temporary however," The monk warned. "It has already begun."

"What's begun?" demanded Sasuke.

Kakashi snapped his head around. In his relief, he had momentarily forgotten the other two boys. They would be demanding answers of course. Answers that were not his to give by right or duty.

"Is he sick?" asked Kiba.

"Is he dead?" Sasuke stared down at the blond's unmoving form. There was a torn expression on his face. One caught between concern and hatred.

Kakashi climbed to his feet. "Naruto's got a condition," he explained slowly. "A very serious one."

"It's not contagious... Is it?" Sasuke asked, his eyebrows raised in alarm.

The Sanzo laughed, short and hard. He turned to the dark haired boy. "Madness by definition, is contagious."

* * *

It was raining.

Naruto scowled out at the heavy drops of water from beneath his jacket hood. He hadn't exactly been having the greatest of mornings already so far. After all, he had woken up to a sore, suspiciously blank head, scraps of Kakashi's cloak wrapped around his hands and blood all over his mouth and t-shirt. Whatever it was that had happened to him during his sleep, his companions were keeping quiet about it. However, their silence still did not stop the worried looks from creeping up on their faces.

Concern for his welfare was shown in a variety of different ways; Kiba tiptoed around him, laughing to himself every time Naruto said something that wasn't even in the remotest bit funny. Kakashi had not read a single page of Icha Icha Paradise all day, his eyes were too busy studying the boy whenever he thought Naruto wasn't paying attention. Thankfully, the monks were still insane, but Sasuke looked just about ready to explode.

And it was about mid morning, as they approached the rickety old rope bridge, when he finally did.

"Why didn't you tell us you were sick?" Sasuke demanded. His eyes blazed with all the fires of the seven circles of hell.

Naruto stared at him. "Sick?" he repeated incredulously. "What the hell are you on about? I'm not sick."

"Bullshit. You were throwing up blood last night!"

Naruto looked to Kiba who nodded in slow affirmation.

"-And trying to claw your eyes out."

"Stomach," Kiba corrected him.

"Whatever," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Like that makes it any more normal!"

It was a horrible feeling as all the pieces to the mystery puzzle finally slotted into place. Naruto felt overwhelmingly angry and humiliated that he had been seen in such a vulnerable state.

"Why the hell didn't you wake me up then?" he snarled.

"We tried! Sasuke even punched you," Kiba told him. Naruto glared at the Uchiha who smiled coldly in return. "-You were in a pretty bad way. Spitting blood and it er, _melted _a hole in your sleeping bag."

Naruto's jaw dropped. He had noticed the thing but hadn't thought anything of it. "You're joking, right? My blood doesn't do that. I know that it's not normal but it still..." He trailed off at the looks on their faces. "Let me guess, you're both worried that I've infected you. Well, rest assured. It's not contagious, though I damn well wish it was." He pushed past them.

"No, we're worried," Kiba called after him. "Okay, I'll admit, we were kinda freaked about it being contagious at the time but then the Sanzo kept waffling on about madness and crap- So we knew it wasn't true."

"I'm not crazy!" Even to his own ears he sounded it however.

The dog nin groaned in exasperation. "We never said you were. Listen Naru, I know you've got issues but you need to chill the fuck out."

"I'm pretty sure Uzumaki _is_ issues," Sasuke cut in smugly.

"Like you're one to talk," The blond spun around on his heel. "You and your Brother Complex. Suck his dick in your dreams last night, did you?"

Sasuke's jaw clenched as he tried to contain the anger that was threatening to explode. "I'm not the one who tried to cut off my own arm." he said pointedly through gritted teeth.

But Naruto was no longer listening. A silent call from the forest resonated deep within him. He turned towards it in a daze. There was something there. Something hidden behind the ferns and trees watching them. Naruto stared back at the invisible stranger as his conscience gently rocked itself into a state of trance. The darker, more twisted part of his soul was crying out to it, and it in turn to him.

"...all I wanted was to be on a team with a girl in it!" He heard Kiba moan in the background. "Just one girl but instead I have to listen to you two bitchin at-"

"You three keep shouting and you're asking to get killed," Kakashi suddenly appeared beside them in a puff of smoke. "You're ninja, remember?"

"Too late."

His own words were the very last thing that Naruto could remember hearing before he was dragged through the forest on his back.

Trees...

Birds...

The blue pockets of sky in the canopy...

Sights, smells and sounds barely registered in his brain as he stared up at it all through glazed eyes. He was dimly aware of the sharp, tiny rocks ripping at his clothes and flesh, the stinging pain around his ankle that pulled him towards oblivion. Naruto closed his eyes and let it all drift away.

A sharp kunai cut him from the trance. With his leg liberated, he tumbled sideways through the leaves and dirt until he finally stopped at the foot of a tree. Muddy, wet and confused, Naruto stared up into the mismatched eyes of his sensei.

"Is that a sharigan?" he asked, pointing to the red swirling one.

"Naru," said the man seriously. "Get back to the road. Go with Sasuke, Kiba and the monks to the bridge. I'll try and hold this thing off for as long as I can."

The boy sat up, his ankle burned in agony. Slowly, his eyes began to adjust to the misty gloom. Whatever it was, it was angry now. Naruto could feel the tide of its rage rising in steady waves. He stumbled to his feet. It was not by chakra he knew this. He didn't even know how to do that. He didn't even know if he could do that. It was a feeling deep within his gut that told him.

"I don't think that'll be such a good idea," he said.

His head felt groggy. Naruto stared down at his ankle. The cloth and weights had been burned away completely to reveal ugly, blistered skin. The Kyuubi was going to have its work cut out trying to heal it.

"Naruto," said the man impatiently. His back ridged in full battle stance, all former nonchalance long forgotten. "You have no idea how much danger you are in right now. Get back to- LIGHTNING BEAST RUNNING TECHNIQUE!"

A large electrical hound exploded from the man's hands to meet the two gigantic bluish tentacles crashing through the trees towards them. The jutsu tore into them, causing a minor explosion as the slimy flesh ripped apart. Bubbles and goo burned black spots onto every trunk and piece of earth they landed upon.

Naruto watched in amazement as the tentacles began to regenerate themselves. They stretched upwards, larger than before but rather than going after Kakashi like he had intended, the went straight for his student instead. Naruto jumped- Left, right, left, through the trees and rolled onto his side, narrowly avoiding the oncoming tentacle. He zigzagged through the trees, which cracked and splintered above him until his sensei's attacks grew so violent the beast could not ignore them any more.

From behind the cover of a boulder, Naruto ripped the remaining weights from his arms and undamaged leg. He brought his hands together, preformed the necessary seals and boom: A score of clones appeared.

"NARU! GET OUT OF HERE!" Kakashi roared throwing another attack at the beast. The tentacles exploded again, only to begin regrouping themselves.

The boy had a better idea. He knew that the monster was after him and with that realisation came a decision of idiotic proportions; He was going to act as bait.

Naruto and the clones threw themselves out from behind the boulder. There were four tentacles dancing with his sensei now. The man skipped and jumped, firing his vast store of ninjutsus at the monster, all the while trying to avoid its deadly slime. He was keeping them preoccupied enough that they had no chance to search for the boy, however he couldn't keep it up for long. Kakashi was beginning to overexert himself with the sheer amount of chakra he was pumping into his attacks.

"HEY FAT ASS!" The twenty Narutos roared at the monster. "YOU WANT THIS? HUH! WELL COME AND GET IT!-Go!" he yelled over his shoulder at his stunned teacher. "I'll meet you at the bridge! I promise!"

Naruto ran, he ran faster than he'd ever ran before in his entire young life. Over rocks, through the trees, the wet ground slipping and sliding beneath his feet. His heart banged against his ribcage, his breathing was tight and painful. A thunderous crash behind him indicated that the monster had taken the bait. Naruto could hear the trees groan as it ploughed through the forest after him, ripping up everything in its path.

With one mind, the clones split away, running off in different directions. As Naruto jumped over a log, his injured leg buckled beneath him. The boy winced and checked it. Most of the blisters were gone but whatever poison the monster had infected him with, it was taking forever to wear off.

A sharp whine drew his attention to a small red fox staring curiously at him from beneath a sycamore tree. He pulled himself to his feet. A small fox with an even smaller twitching rabbit lying at its paws.

Another tree fell and temporary insanity seized the boy. For a split second, Naruto forgot his utter loathing of both Kyuubi and animals. He seized the small vulpine, shoved it under his arm and took off again. There was no hope for the rabbit now. There was probably no hope for the fox either. When he finally regained his senses, Naruto reasoned with himself that he would throw it at the monster.

Burning pain ripped through his back as one of the tentacles found a clone. Naruto coughed, shook it off and pressed onwards. The fox was very silent, its tiny little body trembling in the nook of his arm. Naruto had no idea why he hadn't dropped the damn thing, or why he had even picked it up for that matter. It was quite possible that on some deeper spiritual level he was trying to square his debts with the animal god.

His face split into a wide grin as he recognised the wet red surface of the road up ahead through the gaps in the trees. He was close to the bridge at last. There was another pain. And another. That was three clones gone and lots of wounds for him to lick later.

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!" Naruto bellowed as he burst through the undergrowth at high speed.

Kakashi, Sasuke and Kiba looked utterly relieved to see him coming towards them. Right then, in that very moment, Naruto knew that all had been forgiven. They yelled at him, coaxing him on as they tried to pull the Sanzo away from the masterpiece he was busy dictating to his disciple. Luckily for them, Jin appeared to have an overwhelming desire to live. The giant dropped the chalk, grabbed his master and proceed to leg it across the wooden bridge despite the older man's violent protests.

There was an almighty roar as the beast crashed through the trees behind him. It had finally found him at last. Blood hammered against Naruto's eardrums as he tried to pick up his pace. The bridge was only yards away now.

A group of Kirigakure nin met the fleeing foreigners in dull surprise although their eyes swiftly widened when they saw the blue tentacles chasing after the blond boy. They turned on their heels and ran back to the other side of the river.

Words could not describe the utter relief Naruto felt when his foot touched the first wooden plank. He was nearly clear of the bridge when he felt it strain beneath a tremendous weight. Wood splintered, ropes snapped and Naruto's eyes widened as the whole structure gave way. With one hand, he grabbed a hold of a falling rope and wrapped his arm around it.

Then they fell, boy and fox, through the air at tremendous speed. Naruto laughed, the animal howled and they both grimaced as they crashed against the cliff face. The monster went screaming into the river below. Naruto turned just in time before it was completely submerged.

They had not been tentacles, but tails.

"Naru?" called his sensei. "Are you alright down there?"

"Just dandy," he called back sarcastically. His skin still blistering from where the beast had touched him.

"Climb up."

"Can't. My hands are kinda full- Stop fucking licking me," he growled at the animal. The fox gave a happy bark in reply.

Animals. Monsters. Rain... It had really not been a good day at all.

Naruto suddenly found himself sailing through the air again, but this time it was upwards. He landed on the ground with a smack, one of the wooden planks split in two as it the top of his head. He pulled the thing off and glared at Jin.

"Sorry," said the monk sheepishly, dropping the ends of the bridge.

Naruto rubbed his head. He released the fox immediately hoping that it would scamper off into the woods. It did not however. Instead, it stared up at him with loving yellow eyes and Naruto had to resist the urge to strangle it.

"What the hell was that thing?" Sasuke finally said what they all were thinking.

"A demon," Naruto watched his sensei turn to the Kirigakure Shinobi.

The group exchanged dark looks between themselves before eventually, the tallest man spoke.

"It was once a man named Utakata."

A cold shiver ran down Naruto's spine and in the dark, hidden corners of his mind, the Kyuubi laughed and snapped its teeth together.


	8. Camouflage

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter Eight

"Camouflage"

"How's your ankle?" asked Kiba.

It was the sixth time he had asked in the space of twenty minutes. Naruto increased the pressure on his foot. His lips twisted as a predictable stab of pain shot up his leg to his brain.

"Fine," he said, hastily rearranging the expression on his face to a nonchalant scowl. Not that such an expression was indeed possible. However, given that Naruto usually looked extremely pissed off to some extent, it was as good a worry deterrent as any.

His eyes widened with surprise as Sasuke suddenly seized his left arm and hoisted it over his shoulders before wrapping his right around Naruto's back. The blond tried to pull away.

"I don't need help," he hissed.

But the Uchiha held firm. His bored eyes cast him a sidelong glance. "I'm not helping. I just wanna get to Kiri before the sun sets."

Naruto didn't reply. Keeping his scowl intact, he relaxed reluctantly into Sasuke's grip, allowing his uninjured foot to fall into step with the boy's. The wounds had long healed but the ache of the poison continued to knot at his muscles. As soon Naruto's adrenaline had kicked out, his ankle had buckled well and truly beneath him, and thus the remainder of the two hour walk to Kiri had been spent limping and cringing.

Their concern prior to the attack had been irritating but now he felt suffocated. His complaints fell upon deaf ears because both Kiba and Sasuke has developed a sudden case of selective hearing in regards to his more colourful death threats and insults.

Only Kakashi had copped onto the fact that Naruto wanted to be left alone to fester in his own pain. He kept his one eye forward as they walked, watching the Kiri nin.

They were an odd bunch. Silent. Shaky. Not really the type to invite to tea ceremony unless broken cups and scalded fingers were the order of the day. Kakashi's questions had been answered in vague whispers. Their eyes wide as if they feared sudden and terrible reprisal for what little they did divulge to the outsiders. It didn't take a genius to figure out that there was something more to the man turned monster then they were willing to tell.

Utakata had once been a man, that much was certain and then one day he had snapped. Why or how this had happened remained to be told but a demon had consumed his soul. The Kiri nin spoke of midnight attacks, full squads of men being eaten alive. Its slime was so deadly that no even the birds would touch the corpses left behind. All this they already knew, but the Kiri nin refused to tell them anything else.

All monster attacks, lame legs and minor blood spasms aside, Naruto felt as though he was coping surprisingly well. The Kyuubi's regenerative abilities were probably to blame for that, along with his own youthful delusions in immortality. It had been too fast, too fantastical to feel real. He still half expected to wake up at any second in his bed, covered in sweat and cursing the Kyuubi to doom's day.

But he had not and he would not. It would probably take a few more hours for the relief to settle in, after that would possibly come the terror. He couldn't rely on himself to have "normal" human responses any more. After all, his initial response to the beast was far from sane itself.

As Naruto wrestled with his thoughts, the Kyuubi continued to laugh. Its tails swished merrily off the bars of its cage as it purred and rolled and smashed its teeth together. Naruto resisted the urge to enquire as to why it was so happy. From experience he knew that nothing good ever came from a conversation with a demon.

"...If you keep panicking, then how on earth are we going to- LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M SPEAKING!"

His eyelids clenched shut as a particularly vicious fan slap landed upon Jin's bruised skull. The giant mumbled his apologises and bent his head down once more to receive another wallop. The Sanzo had spent his time ranting and raving all the way from the bridge. What he was so furious about remained a mystery. The old monk spoke in riddles, constantly tittering around the truth as if it was about to blow up in his face. He caught Naruto's eye, flashed him a yellow grin and then dropped his voice to a deadly whisper.

"Is that stupid fox still behind us?" Naruto asked after a moment.

Kiba glanced over his shoulder. "Yep. It's made friends with Maru by the looks of it."

"Damn."

"It'll get bored and go away," the dog nin assured him. "Foxes don't like people."

Naruto spat on the ground and returned to scratching his neck. "The feeling's fucking mutual. I wish it'd piss off for good."

"You're the one who rescued it," said Sasuke pointedly. "You could have just left it there."

"Wasn't exactly thinking straight at the time, was I?" he shot back. "The damn thing was there and I grabbed it outta impulse. I. _Hate_. Foxes."

"You hate everything," Kiba rolled his eyes. "You know, having a fox as a pet would be pretty awesome."

Naruto bit down on his lip. The first heavy rock he came across, he was going to smash the animal's brains against it.

"You keep it then."

A shout of relief from one of the Kiri nin, made them all look up. The dense mist had shifted a little to reveal the spiked battlements of a enormous stone brick wall. As the curve in the path dipped and straightened, the wall shot up towards the sky. It was at least three hundred metres or so in height and cut through the surrounding trees and mountains in a vast rectangle.

Naruto closed his open mouth and swallowed. Konoha had a large outer wall itself but nothing in comparison to this. It would have been a spectacular feat if a single trickle of sunlight was able to infiltrate the damn thing.

"Bloody hell," muttered Kiba. "Are they expecting a war or something?"

"Kirigakure usually are," Kakashi told him, falling into step with the boys. At the questioning look on their three faces, the man sighed. "Kiri are the most tribal out of all the Five Great Villages. They've never participated in any of the Great Shinobi wars because they were too busy trying to handle their own internal conflicts."

"Civil wars?" asked Sasuke.

"Not quite. As a whole, the citizens of Water Country are suspicious of anyone who possesses a bloodline ability," his eye lingered on Sasuke as he spoke. "According to reports, things have stabilized somewhat over the past two decades or so under the Yondaime Mizukage..." His voice dropped a little so that the Kiri nin could not hear him. "Of course, this is all from reports given to us by the village itself. Kiri has an unusually high number of missing nin, and it is no secret that some of their leaders enjoy and encourage slaughter."

"If you're lucky, Uchiha," grinned Naruto, turning his head to look at the boy. "Someone might try and stab out your pretty eyes."

"Or better, they might kill you," replied Sasuke dryly.

"I haven't got a bloodline ability."

"No, but you're goddamn annoying enough to deserve a death warrant."

Naruto pouted as the massive oak doors were pushed open from the inside. They creaked forward, ten men on either side grunting under the sheer weight of the gates. There were one or two murmured greetings to the returning Kiri nin in front of them as they walked into the village.

Kirigakure was not a village, but a graveyard.

Naruto swore and covered his nose. The stench of the different levels of decay was just about the only thing with texture to it in the entire place. Everything else was wet and black, as though a wildfire had blazed through, quickly followed by a tsunami. Corpses lay scattered across the debris of shops and houses, bloated and oozing in their death masks.

A hundred or so surviving nin picked their way through the debris. They pulled bodies out and piled them high upon the limp mound of their dead. Naruto stepped back as two haggard looking men hurried past, carrying what appeared to be the corpse of a boy between them. The victim's flesh was so swollen, it bulged against the tight constraints of his forehead protector in angry blue veined rolls. Naruto watched them toss the body on top of the ever growing pile. The corpse rolled back down from its height like a sack of potatoes, its limbs flailing wildly in obscure directions before it landed on the ground with a sickening crack.

As blood flowed freely, Naruto's sinuses began to dance.

He tried his best to ignore it. Instead, he directed his attention to the faces of his comrades, each one of them looked thoroughly disturbed by the sheer destruction all around them. Sasuke's expression was caught somewhere between shock and forced indifference. Naruto could only guess what was going through the boy's mind. Such a gory sight would have undoubtedly dug up memories that were best left buried.

"Uggh!"

It was no surprise when Kiba's stomach gave out. Vomit splattered on the toes of the boy's sandals as he repeatedly heaved his stomach onto the ground. Kiba wasn't used to such things. Kiba was normal. Naruto couldn't deny the stab of jealousy he felt at the thought.

"Such a waste," sighed the Sanzo, flapping his closed fan in front of his nose. Jin had his fingers firmly plugged up his nostrils.

"What happened here?" The old monk turned to the leader of the Kiri nin.

After exchange of secret looks between himself and his team, the man cleared his throat to speak.

"We've been experiencing some troubles lately with a group of rebels. They attacked the village a night ago, broke through the outer perimeter. These sorry souls got caught in the crossfire." His brown eyes trailed the puffed faces of his fallen comrades sadly.

"So they are the regretful but necessary sacrifices in the name of Kirigakure," said Kakashi. There was no mistaking the bitterness in his tone.

Surprisingly, the Kiri nin did not turn his head to argue. "We had nearly everyone evacuated to the inner wall at the time. Our civilian casualties were very low, thanks be to the gods..."

Naruto was only half listening to the man. His blue eyes narrowed as he scanned the skies above them. They were strangely empty despite the gruesome buffet.

At a tug on his arm, Naruto followed Sasuke's gaze to the massive gaping hole in the outer wall. It ran all the way from the top down to the bottom, as though a small mountain had decided to barge its way through.

"Think that guy, Utakata or what's his name, attacked here as well?" He found himself asking.

"Probably."

Beside them, Kiba had gathered his bearings together. He wiped his sleeve across his mouth.

"Sorry," he muttered. From the steely glint in his eyes, it was clear that the dog nin was determined never to react in such a way again.

Naruto nodded briskly. "It's nuthin'."

Transfixed, he trailed his eyes over the scene once more. Pools of water pocketed the grey sky above them. The ground was still damp from the recent rain. He shook off the eerie feeling that was threatening to settle on his bones.

It was too quiet.

"Move your feet, idiot."

Slowly, mechanically, Naruto's good leg dragged itself into action and they turned their backs on death. Not a word was spoken as they approached the smaller, inner sanctum of the village. Tall cylindrical buildings poked up from behind the wall like chimneys. The jagged mountains standing in the distance were shrouded in a thick mist.

As they passed through the inner entrance, a voice called out to their sensei.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Copycat ninja Kakashi. I have to say, the photograph of you in the Most Dangerous List is uncanny."

Naruto had to blink three times just to make sure that he wasn't hallucinating. Sitting beside a small shogi table at the entrance of the gate, was possibly the strangest looking man he had ever seen in his life. He was hugely muscular with a distinctive shark-like appearance, complete with blue skin, small, round white eyes and odd gill-like markings under his eyes. From the top of his head, sprung a fin of dark blue hair and resting between his thighs was what looked to be a massive feather duster wrapped in bandages. It was probably a sword, at least Naruto hoped it was a sword, because it looked completely ridiculous.

"_Kakashi?_" Kiba cocked an eyebrow. "_Most dangerous?_"

"To women." guffawed Naruto.

It was the sheer relief of something light to follow the carnage they had just witnessed, that made the three boys dissolve in malicious sniggers. Naruto smiled innocently as their teacher's unimpressed eye stared them into silence.

"Kisame, I presume?" Kakashi replied. He continued to watch the three genin for a long moment before turning his attention back to the fish man. "I thought you'd be dead by now."

It was a wonder how their teacher managed to make even the most morbid of topics sound like a light conversation about the weather. Kisame chuckled darkly, he pulled himself up from the chair he had been sitting on.

"I'll take them from here. You go and report," he called to the four Kiri nin, who practically bolted at the word. Kisame strode towards them, his sword resting on his shoulder. "Old Ibiki been telling tales about me then, eh? I'm disappointed, Kakashi-sama. I thought that a Konoha ninja of all people would understand that a monster like me just can't die." He nodded to the boys and the monks. "I see that you've also been downgraded to babysitting duty. The action getting too much for you to handle?"

"I just felt it was time to expand my horizons," said their teacher reasonably. "Give something back to the community as they say."

Kisame smiled, revealing two rows of sharp pointed teeth. "How very_ noble_ of you. So what brings you to Kirigakure?"

There was something very intimidating about the whole manner in which he spoke. He threw his words around like the punches of a playground bully, as if he planned to squash Kakashi with the very syllables alone. Kakashi appeared to be completely unmoved by the whole thing. If anything, he was a little bored.

"We're here-" he began.

"To catch creepy crawlies and other beasties," butted in the Sanzo impatiently. He had his chopstick at the ready and was scooping snails out from their shells once more. "I would like to see Yaguza or whatever the thingy goes by immediately."

"You mean the _Mizukage_, Yagu_r_a?" replied Kisame in a cold voice. "And you are?"

"Not important!" the old monk waved it off. "Listen here, Fishy. I am on a very tight schedule. There are cogs at work. Cogs within cogs within cogs, and it all relies on expert timing. I do not have the patience to stand around listening to you flex your verbal muscles." He popped a snail in his mouth as he finished.

Purple scales flashed. Naruto blinked. Kakashi and Kisame were locked in a stalemate just inches away from the monk. The thick quills at the tip of the strange blade quivered a little and grew with each passing minute. Beads of sweat dripped down Kakashi's brow. His locked arms shook beneath the weapon.

"Get out of my way, Hatake," Kisame growled.

"Can't do that, I'm afraid," grunted their sensei. "It'd be bad for business if I let you kill a man who's under Konoha's protection."

"How can you protect when Samehada's draining all your chakra?" taunted the man.

"Oh for the love of...!" snapped the Sanzo loudly, as he stuffed his chopsticks back in his bag. "Drop that oversized razor right this instant, you imbecile! I'm far too busy to entertain these types of silly games."

The blue man's face turned livid. "How dare you speak to me like-"

One minute Kitsame was standing. The next, he was lying flat on his back in the dust completely winded, the monk standing over him, brushing his hands together. Samehada the sword, lay discarded meters away from the blue man's grasping hands. Naruto couldn't help it. Tears of mirth began to roll down his face. He let go of Sasuke's grip as he doubled over in hysterics.

Not a moment too soon, Kakashi's gloved hand clamp itself firmly over his lips.

"Do you have a death wish?" the man panted in his ear. He looked utterly drained.

Naruto struggled to contain himself. He glanced at his friends, only to find them both frozen solid in terror.

"And pack in that damned killing intent as well," ordered the Sanzo as Kisame climbed to his feet. "Those tricks don't work on me either. Now, bring us to whatsitsname before I loose my patience with you altogether."

Kisame begrudgingly picked up his sword and threw it over his shoulder. He stood there with his back to them for what seemed like an eternity, as if he was weighing up the pros and cons of taking on the old monk once more. Naruto watched curiously as Jin began to tuck up the helm of his robes. His usually vacant demeanour, suddenly harsh and unforgiving.

Whether it was this, or something else entirely, Kisame seemed to think the better of starting another fight.

"Come then." he said.

They followed the fish man through the empty streets towards the largest of the cylindrical buildings that stood at the top of the village. It was quiet, oh so quiet. The muffled undercurrent of life continued on behind the walls, away from the empty streets. Occasionally, Naruto would catch a glimpse of someone moving behind the shutters. Their heads were always low, their voice so quiet they were inaudible.

Kirigakure appeared to be dead in every sense of the word, it just had people still living in it.

"Why'd you spaz out like that?" he asked, turning to his team mates. "The guy just fell on his back, nothing to shit yourselves over."

Sasuke and Kiba exchanged a surprised look between them.

"You didn't sense it then?" asked the Uchiha slowly.

"Sense what?"

Kiba shuddered. "Kami, man. It was like something had crawled down my mouth and grabbed all my organs! Belch!" He shuddered again. "I don't ever wanna feel like that again."

"What?" the blond demanded, feeling sorely out of the loop. "Like what? What the hell are you on about?"

"Like someone is about to kill you," spoke Kakashi softly behind them.

He stared at his teacher in disbelief. The man nodded his head once in confirmation.

"It's called killing intent. It's used to intimidate opponents, paralyse them with fear and in some extreme cases, it can even make you have visions of your own death," he explained.

Naruto scratched his head an shrugged. Truth be told, he was no stranger to that feeling. He felt it nightly in his sleep. He knew better than to ask why Kisame hadn't affected him. Living with a demon that emitted killing intent twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year, had most likely made him immune to it.

"Look, my hair is standing on end" Kiba blathered on, shoving out his arm for them all to inspect. "What about you, Sasu?"

Sasuke was in no mood to compare. He shoved his hands in his pockets, his face dark and suspicious. "This village is full of psychos."

Kakashi sighed. "You have no idea, kid. No idea."

As Naruto's ankle twinged a bit, Sasuke made a grab his arm again but he shook it off with a glare.

"I'm okay," he mumbled. But what exactly he was referring to, even he did not know.

"What's gonna happen now?" asked Kiba. "Do you think he's really gonna take us to the Mizukage?"

"Hopefully anyway," Kakashi answered with chirpy optimism. He still looked a little worn around the eye. "We could always end up lying face down in a ditch somewhere. But before that happens, there is something that I needed to do... Oh yes!"

At the light scalp across the back of his skull, Naruto rounded on his teacher in outrage.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"Hmm. Let me think," said the man sarcastically, tapping his chin in thought. "For putting yourself in unnecessary danger with that loud mouth of yours. Never _ever _laugh at a potential opponent. Not even if you believe that you could win in a fight against them. It's rude for one, and it can also drive them into a fit of rage."

The boy rolled his eyes. "C'mon! It was funny."

"Ninja are not exactly renowned for their sense of humour, Kisame especially. I thought you would have realized that after he tried to chop the Sanzo's head off."

"He wasn't really gonna kill him. The monk owned his ass."

"Kisame is known to have murdered his entire team just to make sure that no information would be leaked to the enemy," Kakashi was completely serious. "That sword of his..." His eye frowned. "From what I recall a blade like that used to belong to a different man."

* * *

Even the wildest of Naruto's fantasies would never compare to the reality of murder. The colours were brighter for a start. The sounds so clear they could have been filtered by the finest crystal. And then there was scent. Copper. Bile. Salt. Naruto subconsciously licked his lips as he stared down at the pool of blood. If he concentrated hard enough, he could have sworn he could see fire burning in the crimson.

Only now in his death mask, did the features of the man who led the small party of Kiri nin, finally register in Naruto's brain. They would no doubt stay with him for the rest of his life. The man's once nervous brown eyes were now like burned out headlights, empty and unforgiving. A thin line of blood dribble ran from between his lips into the pockmarks on his cheeks. His black guts spilled out the front of his shredded blue shirt, heaped on top of themselves like the glistening coils of a python.

For what reason he had been killed, Naruto did not know. They had arrived at the Mizukage's office during the final moments of his life. He could still picture him lying there twitching. The way the blood creeping across the floor from the wound that ran the length of his stomach to his chest. The shallow drawn of his breath as the darkness crept in.

"Naru?... Naruto!"

A hard slap to his chest snapped him from his morbid fixation. Kiba was watching him worriedly. The blond shoved his hand away and pinched the bridge of his nose.

The feeling was back.

It was same as before. It pulled on his mind, crying out to his soul. Naruto swallowed as he fought to keep himself from falling into another soundless trance. Surely if the monster had arrived, someone would have noticed this time around... Or maybe it was he himself who was have these delusions. It certainly hadn't affected anyone else in the same manner.

"So I've heard that you met the Rokubi no Namekuji," The Mizukage said as he wiped the blood from his katana with a cloth. Naruto could almost feel the snag of the material against the blade. "You were lucky to survive. We have a new batch of prisoners, Kisame. Would you kindly escort them in here?" he asked, handing the fish man the weapon.

Kisame took it with a respectful bow. "Yes sir."

As he crossed the floor towards the door, his foot landed in the large puddle of blood. Kisame stopped. Without a single moment of hesitation, he lifted his sandal and wiped it on the clothes of the dead man.

"Oh! And send someone in to clean up the mess... You three may go now," the Mizukage said to the dead man's remaining team.

Naruto watched them walk pale faced and shaken from the room, the younger looked as if he was about to burst into tears. The door slammed shut behind them, leaving the group alone with the man.

For someone who had been Mizukage for over twenty years, the grey haired man before him didn't look a day over sixteen. He was small, slight with large empty purple eyes with a curious stitch mark that ran down the length of his cheek to his jaw. Naruto watched as he sat down at the head of a long wooden table. He laced his fingers together and stared out at the foreigners with a dull expression.

"With the Rokubi running ramped, the supply deliveries from the other islands can't get safe passage through the forest," he explained after a moment's pause. "People are beginning to grow desperate. Of course, none of this is helped by the small, select number of individuals who have taken the opportunity to try and stir up some discord within the village. Morale is running low so to speak. I am only telling you this because of events that have most recently transpired," he added. "There is no hiding the destruction in the outer perimeter."

"We've heard about it already from your dead subordinate," Kakashi spoke up.

Although he had recovered somewhat from his ordeal with Kisame, he seemed incredibly tense. Which was reasonable. After all, it wasn't exactly pleasant to hold a conversation in a room with a dead body... _Especially_ if that dead body was of someone you were loosely acquainted with.

"He told us that there has been a rebellion."

At this, Kiri's Kage snorted and twiddled his thumbs together.

"I should have killed him sooner," Naruto heard him mutter. With a shake of his head, the Mizukage turned his attention back to the Konoha Jounin. "He called it a rebellion, you say? Oh please! They are a rabble. Their ranks consist largely of outlaws and other undesirables. Nothing but a group of boy scouts... Huh! I see that you are wary, Kakashi-sama. You probably believe that I had this coming to me."

Wary was not the word to describe the dark look in their sensei's eye. He was repulsed, infuriated and saddened all at the same time.

The Mizukage's face split in a pleasant smile that did not quite reach his lifeless eyes. "Kirigakure's best interests are of utmost importance to me even now. I am well aware that some of my methods have been called into question by the greater Shinobi community over the years. However, if Kiri is to remain strong, it is an image that I am prepared to shoulder."

"Sadistic, you mean."

"Deary me," sighed the man as he folded his arms. "If this is in reference to the Ninja Academy Massacre, I assure you that I have learned from my mistakes. The genin exam has been changed for eighteen years now."

"They were children."

"And they were all killed by a child," replied the Mizukage pointedly. "Do not try and lecture me about morals here, Kakashi-sama. It would do a man of your occupation good not to start pointing fingers. After all, Konoha has plenty of young soldiers of their own," his eyes wandered to the three boys as he spoke.

Kakashi's back stiffened and Naruto found his gaze wandering to the body on the floor. He didn't believe for one second that the Mizukage's domestic policies had changed much over the years. Kiba shivered beside him, even Sasuke looked a little on the bluer side than usual. The room was freezing and dark despite all of the windows.

"Tell me. What is it that has brought you to my village?" he turned to the monks.

"My assistant and I have come to observe the fine variety of wildlife you have here. Your molluscs in particular," replied the Sanzo. "As you can see, we have brought along our own bodyguards so you do not have to worry about assigning any soldiers to us during this most difficult of times!"

Naruto could have sworn that the man was being sarcastic. Nevertheless, the Mizukage did not appear to notice.

"Yes," he frowned. "I _suppose_ I should be grateful."

"Inter village rivalry, dumbass," muttered Sasuke out the side of his mouth at Naruto's silent question. "Did you ever listen in class?"

"Subconsciously?" grinned the blond.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Even I knew that," muttered Kiba.

"Coming from the guy who puts his right sandal on his left foot, I don't think I should worry too much," Naruto replied flatly.

Kiba's face flushed pink. "I was tired. We were up all last night trying to stop you..." He trailed off as Naruto's eyes bulged.

"Drop it," warned Sasuke.

"Very well, you have my permission. Given how lax Konoha are in regards to the training of their younger shinobi, I don't think I need to be wary," his eyes lingered on Naruto as he spoke. "Not that I believe you will last another afternoon out there in the woods with the Rokubi, however common courtesy demands that I tell you that we are currently serving communal meals during-"

"We'll take care of ourselves thank you," Kakashi interrupted him.

The Mizukage fell silent, his face completely unreadable. Then he laughed. It didn't sound much like a laugh, more like a crocodile that had a bone stuck in the roof of its mouth.

"Suspicious, aren't we?" mocked the man. "I have far more pressing matters to deal with at the moment than disposing of you, Kakashi-sama. There may be a time in the future for that however..." he trailed off in a cold smile. "Good luck with your research," he said to the monks. "I hope you spot something of interest."

"Don't worry," grinned the Sanzo. "We already have."

As they were herded out the door by their teacher, Naruto caught sight of the shackled prisoners walking towards them. There were twenty in total, fourteen men and six women. Naruto found his eye drawn to one young man in particular as they filed past. He would have been in his late teens or early twenties. His chin length white hair streaked with mud and blood, and on his brow he wore a forehead protector with Kiri's symbol on it.

Before Kisame slammed the door shut behind them, the white haired man flashed Naruto a very pointy smile.

* * *

There were a million different places that Naruto would have preferred to be than the river bank at the bottom of the cliff. Especially since it just so happened to be the exact same river the Rokubi had gone crashing into hours earlier. It wasn't by bravery or foolishness that they had come to this particular rustic spot, it was by the sheer insanity of one very small wrinkly customer.

Naruto sat at the edge of the forest between Sasuke and Kiba, watching the two monks pick their way up along the sandy banks. In the beginning, he had been content to keep an eye out for the Rokubi, but self admittedly Naruto's concentration had never been very good and it had grown a lot worse as of late.

The hours trickled by until the early pinks of evening streaked across the sky, and Naruto began to think. Unfortunately, the more he thought, the more frightened he became. Paranoia made him double check the woods over his shoulder for any sign of a glistening tail. Deep inside he knew that the beast was long gone but nevertheless, his suspicions grew as suspicions do. In turn those suspicions led to questions, and then questions led to more questions- None of which Naruto had an answer for.

"Either of you notice that the monks keep saying that they're searching for slugs and the demon in this forest just so happens to be a giant fucking slug?" He burst out eventually.

"Are you seriously telling me that you've only realized that now?" replied Sasuke in disgust.

Naruto scowled at him. From somewhere up above them he could have sworn he heard Kakashi giggle. He looked up and saw the man sitting on a tree branch with his nose stuck in his book, seemingly oblivious to the world around him.

"Realized what?" asked Kiba. "The Rokubi, slug thingy? I thought that was obvious. It's in the name."

"Looks like Naru only just figured it out."

"Shut up for a second," the blond snapped. "They're up to something."

"True," agreed Sasuke, as he leaned back against the soft earth. "I mean why did they ask for a group of genin to escort them to Water Country when they obviously don't need an escort at all. He disarmed and defeated Kisame in a matter of seconds-"

"The Sanzo can't see either," Naruto interrupted them. "But its not really a handicap if you can floor a guy that quickly."

Sasuke and Kiba stared at him as if he had just grown two heads. He sighed and began to tell them about the conversation he had with the Sanzo on the boat. They listened intently, if not a little baffled and sceptical by the monk's confession.

"-And Fish Face," said Naruto as he finished. "Why the hell didn't his "killing intent" or whatever affect the Sanzo or Jin?"

"Why didn't it affect you?" Kiba asked.

"Dunno?" he lied with a shrug.

"Clearly it's because he's as insane as they are," said the Uchiha, as if it explained everything. What worried Naruto was that the boy might not have been too far from the truth as originally thought. "-I'm more interested in how he was able to defeat and disarm Kisame in one strike. He's strong. Unbelievably strong and that sword of his, I don't know exactly what it does, but it was draining Kakashi's chakra and fast. If the Sanzo touched it, why didn't it have the same affect?"

"Jin lifted that whole bridge up with his bare hands as well, remember...?" Kiba trailed off at the dark scowl on Naruto's face.

And so they sat, brooding amongst themselves. They could have gone on questioning for hours but all three of them knew that along with their fruitless conclusion, there would be sore heads and short tempers. Naruto's stomach growled and he sighed. He was starving. The Mizukage had offered them free meals but for whatever reason Kakashi was being a contrary bastard. Naruto felt more than slightly annoyed at this.

A sharp bark burst his personal bubble of inner fury. He looked up and immediately felt like killing something. The fox was back again, this time with a twitching rabbit at its feet. Akamaru sat beside it, licking his paws. No matter how hard Kiba had tried to get the fox to like him, it refused to cooperate. Any time he went near it the vulpine would run behind Naruto's legs, only to jump away from the boy's kick a few seconds later.

"Go away." He glowered at the creature.

The fox tilted its head, its pink tongue hanging from the side of its mouth like a rabies victim. It bent over, grabbed the rabbit between its jaws and gently placed it upon Naruto's lap. The boy stared down at the twitching thing unamused.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" he asked the fox. It jumped up and down barking with joy.

Naruto sighed and poked his "gift in spasm" with his forefinger. The frightened rabbit gave one final shudder and died as a result of overstress. The fox's barks stopped immediately. It leaned forward and poked the lifeless body of the rabbit with its muzzle. Paws scratched nervously at the ground. Another few pokes. Scratch. Poke. Scratch. Poke. Naruto stared and waited for the fox to gobble it up as any normal foxes would do.

However, the vulpine had not been bred from the normal fox variety. It had been bred from the retarded fox variety. Back haunches dropped, head raised, the fox opened its mouth to release a mournful howl.

"I don't believe it," said Sasuke as they all stared at the animal. "It's actually sad about killing the thing."

"Technically Naru did," Kiba corrected him.

Naruto ignored them both.

"What the hell did you expect?" he snapped at it. The vulpine was now rolling about the ground completely inconsolable. "You scared the shit outta it." He looked at the little balls of rabbit droppings on his thighs. "...Literally."

But the fox was beyond reasoning. Occasionally, it would get up, poke the rabbit's body, realise all over again that it was dead, and then return to rolling and howling.

Naruto shook the droppings off his legs, grabbed the rabbit by the ears and stood up. Without a word, he turned and marched into the forest. Naruto raised the dead animal high above his head, its limp, still warm body dangled against his wrist. Bitting down on his lip, he chucked it as far as he possibly could into the trees. There was a distant snap of branches, followed by a thud as the rabbit landed somewhere in the undergrowth. Satisfied, Naruto turned back around, just as Akamaru went running past him.

Seconds later, the dog reappeared with the dead thing in his mouth, his tail wagging behind him. Naruto smacked his hands over his face and resisted the urge to scream as the fox began wailing behind him once more. He _really _did hate animals.

"No, you stupid mutt!" He groaned. "Maru! Bad dog! LEAVE IT!" The puppy ignored him and scampered off in the direction of his owner.

Naruto slumped down against the trunk of one of a large pine tree with a sigh. He had gone deeper into the forest than he had originally intended to, though still not deep enough that he could no longer hear the fox. He sighed again and knocked his head back against the bark. It had really not been a good day at all, and now he was hungry to top it off. If all else failed, he could at least eat the damn fox.

Keeping that happy thought in mind, Naruto climbed back to his feet and brushed his legs down. Thankfully his clothes were dark enough that any rabbit shit would go unnoticed. He straightened back up with a yawn.

A hand suddenly appeared from out behind him and clamped itself over his mouth.


	9. Under the Underneath

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter Nine

"Under the Underneath"

Four metal rings dug uncomfortably into Naruto's throat.

His attacker's hands were clammy and rough, their nails sharpened to vicious points. From out of the corner of his eye, Naruto watched a large drop of water squeeze itself from the end of a lock of matted black hair and onto his shoulder. They were completely drenched from head to toe. His insides gave an uncomfortable squirm as their damp seeped through the cloth of his jacket to his skin. A heart beat drummed off his spine, their breath was cool on his cheek and stank of sour berries- And by the gods did they need some soap.

Naruto approached his predicament in much the same fashion that he approached everything in life; with no forethought and a complete disregard for caution. He opened his mouth and bit down hard.

His attacker let out a roar of pain as the boy's teeth met with bone and knuckle. They yanked their hand away, letting go of him completely. Blood swirled with Naruto's saliva. Crimson dots began to blur his vision. With his attacker preoccupied, he was determined not to let the opportunity for retaliation slide. He drove his foot upwards in what promised to be an almighty, ball crushing kick.

His eyes widened as it swung at empty air, and then his bad leg decided that it was an ideal moment to pack it in again.

Naruto threw his hands out as a puddle flew up to meet him. The front of his jacket hit against the surface, splashing water in his face and all the way down his torso. He cringed inwardly and with a backwards kick of his legs, he flipped himself upright once more. All wet and furious, the boy spun around to face his attacker.

Empty. Nothing there but endless trees and undergrowth.

Naruto blinked away the water from his eyes. The browns and greens of the forest were suddenly awash with the most alluring shades of bloodshed he had ever seen. His nerves danced with excitement as scarlet rainwater fell from the canopy and down into the deep garnet grass beneath his sandals. Naruto licked the blood from his bottom lip and began to turn slowly on the spot.

Round and round he went. Stopping left. Looking right. Beneath his forehead protector, small beads of sweat began to roll into his brow and down along the nape of his neck from his hairline. His breath rang hollow in his ears, his vision quaked at the fringes.

There was no one there. Nothing to see but red, red, red.

In the back of his mind, the constant irritating hum of his more unstable thoughts had risen to a violent clamour. Naruto winched as they banged against the roof of his skull like a two year old set loose on an old mattress after consuming a whole bag of sugar. The noise swallowed up everything. The pitter-patter of the rain, the sound of the birds, even his own heavy breathing.

He to tried shake it off but the red shades smudged together like ink, and the world began to spin and jolt frantically. Naruto's stomach gave an unpleasant lurch, vomit burned at the back of his throat. The forest was crashing in on itself like a kaleidoscope. 'FOCUS! FOCUS!' the creatures in his soul screamed at him. Naruto screwed his eyes shut and for a single moment in time, everything was still.

The tiny hairs on the back of his neck prickled upwards. Someone was watching him.

Naruto clenched his teeth together. Chakra coursed down his arms towards his curled fists, weaving itself through the tissue of his muscles.

Closer...

Closer...

His attacker was on the move, cautiously approaching him from behind. Naruto stood frozen, his body tense like a tiger ready to pounce.

This time he was waiting.

This time he was aware.

At barely a foot apart, the boy threw himself at them in a flurry of rage and fists. His blows were blocked by powerful forearms, his hands stopped dead by a vice like grip. Naruto's mind screamed. He tugged and kicked. He couldn't see a damn thing with all the blood.

"NARUTO! Naruto! It's me!" yelled a familiar voice. "It's _me... Just_ _me_."

It took a long time for Naruto to put Kakashi's voice to his name and when he did, everything came crashing down around him in one big explosion of colour, sound and smell. Disorientated, he wrenched his hands from the man's grip. They found his ears just as his legs sank beneath him, dragging him down like quicksand.

"Easy!" He heard Kakashi grunt. A pair of hands grabbed him by his upper arms and forced him upright. "Breath. Now breath."

It was a constant struggle against the waves of panic that threatened to consume him. Naruto gasped at the air, his lungs swelling painfully to the point of explosion with every gulp.

"In through your nose and out through your mouth!" ordered Kakashi. "C'mon, kid! Hold it together!"

There was a great big whoosh as Naruto finally let go of breath he had been holding. He swayed a little, his lips felt all dry and cracked. In and out. In and out. Naruto's breathing slowed until at last his senses were clear and something that resembled calm had returned.

"Fuck," He doubled over and spat the wad of the blood and saliva he had gathered in his mouth on the ground.

"There now," Kakashi's words rang with forced confidence. Naruto peered up into his teacher's face through bleary eyes. The man looked as though he was on the very brink of pulling out not only his hair, but possibly tearing off his skin as well.

"-You're okay- What the...? Hold still a second," He carefully tilted Naruto's chin up for inspection. "Here, take this." A pink handkerchief appeared in his hand.

Naruto ignored it. He scanned the forest over the man's shoulder. "There's someone here," he breathed. "Watching."

"Probably," agreed Kakashi. "I'd bet my good eye that the Mizukage has got a party on our tail. Which is why you shouldn't wander off on your own."

"They attacked me."

Both the man's eyebrows visibly raised themselves underneath his forehead protector. "Come again?"

Naruto glared at him. "Are you deaf?" he spat. "I said that someone attacked me! They grabbed me from behind. They had their hand over my mouth so I-I..." He trailed off at the sceptical look in the man's eye. "I'm telling the truth_!_"

Kakashi bent down on his hindquarters so that he was just level with the boy's gaze. "This person-"

"It happened!"

His teacher hesitated. "Tell me what they looked like," he began after a moment. "You caught a glimpse of them right?"

"Not really," Naruto admitted. "They stank like shit though."

His teacher's eye crinkled in a smile. "Anything else?"

"Rings!" Naruto said after a moment. "They wore rings. Big thick ones. And they had long nails... Their hair! Their hair was black and long, all matted like-like-like a dead rat that's been walked on a few of times."

"Very _visual_," said Kakashi dryly as he folded his arms.

The boy ignored him. "They were dripping water everywhere. See?" he pointed to the wet patch on his shoulder, however it was hard to tell with all the water he had soaked up from the puddle. He shuddered and let go of it, only to cringe at the smack of wet cloth against his stomach.

"That couldn't be because your jacket hit the puddle?"

Naruto stared at him.

"-I was watching you. I saw you."

"Bullshit! You were reading."

"Just because it looks like I'm not paying attention, doesn't mean I am not," his teacher told him. "When you didn't return as soon as you should have, I went out looking for you. I was standing right there-" he pointed to a pine tree that marked the direction Naruto had come from earlier. "-You'd just gotten back on your feet... I called your name, Naruto. _Ten_ times."

But Naruto wasn't going to give up that easily. It had not been a hallucination. It couldn't have been. He had felt it. He had tasted it. He had _heard_ it. Not even the most terrifying of his nightmares had ever induced such a vivid assault on all his senses.

"See this? Huh!" he pointed to his lip triumphantly. "That's their blood!"

But Kakashi remained unmoved.

"How am I gonna say this...?" The jounin peered up at the sky. His shoulders visibly sagged as he sighed and he turned his attention back to Naruto with a careful look in his eye.

"It's_ your_ blood. You bit down on your lip without realising it- Don't worry, it's nearly healed," he assured him as the boy's hands shot up to check.

Naruto ran his fingers over his lip. Sure enough, he could feel the deep gashes marks. Now that he knew about it, he could also feel the familiar itch of skin knitting itself back together. His hands dropped limply by his sides.

"But-"

"Listen," interrupted his teacher in what Naruto could only assume was what a non-judgemental tone was supposed to sound like. "You've had a stressful day and you didn't exactly have a decent night's sleep last night either. Your mind's probably in a hyper state of awareness right now. It's only natural that you might start..." he paused as he searched for the words. "That your mind might start _projecting _things that aren't really there."

His eyes narrowed to defiant slits. "You weren't there before that- _they ran off_! I didn't imagine it! I'm. Not. Goddamn-"

"Crazy?" finished Kakashi. "I never said that. You need to stop taking offence to every little word you hear, kid. No one is out to get you- _Honestly,_" he added, catching the doubtful expression on Naruto's face. "You're tired, hungry and over stressed mentally and physically. What you need is a good night's sleep. Okay?"

Naruto was tempted to say 'no' but he could recognise a loosing battle when he saw one. No matter what he said, Kakashi was not going to believe him. Only now was he beginning to curse his compulsive habit of lying over every little damn thing.

"C'mon, the monks are probably ready to go now."

He reached out to ruffle the boy's hair but Naruto jerked away with a scowl. Kakashi's hand hung in the air for a moment before he let it drop and with a shrug, turned his back to the boy.

"Wait!"

His teacher twisted his head around. Naruto spat on his palms and rubbed the saliva on his chin and across the front of his neck, wiping the blood away.

"Gone?" he demanded. "Is it gone?"

Kakashi hesitated for a moment before giving a nod. "It's gone."

"Just..." Naruto stared down at his feet awkwardly. He wiped his sleeve across his chin. "Just don't say anything... _Please."_

"I promise you that Kiba and Sasuke will never know."

At this Naruto raised his head to search his teacher's face for truth, only to meet resistance in the form of a navy mask.

"Your mask's stupid," he blurted out, suddenly annoyed.

The sides of Kakashi's face flexed into a grin beneath the material. "Does it really bother you that much?" he asked. "Masks are useful. They make you harder to recognise."

Naruto snorted. "Yeah right. You wear it to hide your ugly mug. If you ever take it off, people will have to go kill themselves just to forget how ugly you are."

Kakashi seemed to be amused by this. "Alright then," he nodded. "You caught me. I wear it to prevent mass suicide. So what about you?"

"I don't wear a mask."

"Nope, but you wear an attitude to keep people at bay. Not much different from a mask is it?"

Naruto stopped for a moment before rolling his eyes. "You don't like it then fuck off."

"And thus you have proved my point," sighed his teacher.

The boy pushed past him in the direction of the river. "Whatever."

"Everyone does it-" Kakashi fell comfortably into step beside him. Naruto tried to quicken his pace but his bad ankle refused to cooperate. "-Everyone you ever meet will wear a mask of sorts. People hide things, kid. Me, you, Sasuke... Even Kiba."

Naruto twisted his head around and let out a sharp bark of laughter. "Kiba? You shitting me? He's thick as two-"

"Not as thick as he acts," said Kakashi pointedly. "To be a good shinobi you have to start looking under the underneath, Naruto."

"Uggh!" groaned the boy. "You're always going on about being a good shinobi! I don't even want to be-" he stopped himself. "Just how long have you been a shinobi anyway?"

"Probably too long given the death rate," mused Kakashi. "I graduated from the ninja academy when I was quite young."

"How young?"

"About eight years younger than you are now."

Naruto mentally subtracted the number from his own age. "_Five?" _he scoffed. "Bull-shit!"

The man shrugged. "Believe what you will."

"Even I know that everyone graduates when they're at least twelve or older."

"Not always," Kakashi corrected him. "Sasuke's brother graduated when he was seven. By the time he was your age, he was an ANBU captain."

"_Itachi?_"

"The one and only," nodded the jounin. "Can't say I'm too surprised that Sasuke didn't tell you that. He's too busy trying to convince himself that his brother isn't human."

"Along with himself as well," muttered Naruto. "Fucking walks around with a ten foot poll shoved up his ass."

"Coming from some one who's got a chip on his shoulder the size of the Hokage Monument?"

"With or without the Sandaime's nose?" the boy shot back.

Kakashi laughed and gave Naruto's hair a quick ruffle before the child could stop him.

"Piss off!" he growled, batting it away.

But his teacher merely chuckled in reply.

As they reached the others, Naruto did his best to appear somewhat normal. He didn't want to raise any suspicions, he had already experienced enough coddling for one day. Also, there was a high chance that they would not believe him either.

Naruto quickly realised however, that he need not have worried at all. Sasuke and Kiba were far too preoccupied with observing Akamaru, or more the sizeable hole the puppy was in the process of digging. At first Naruto felt immense relief that neither boy appeared to be in the least bit concerned by his long absence, until it dawned on him that they found a hole far more interesting.

"It figures that you two sad bastards would think digging is an exciting spectator sport," he said, bending down to inspect Maru's handy work. "Trying to find a bone?"

Given the sheer depth of the hole, he wouldn't have been surprised if they told him that the dog was hoping to dig his way back to Konoha.

"Dunno," replied Kiba, his eyes still locked on the hole. "He's been at it for ages."

"Maybe there's a body down there?" The blond scratched at his cheek lazily. He caught the roll of Sasuke's eyes and stuck his tongue out in reply.

The fox unfortunately was still there, still whining with its head thrown over the rabbit's broken corpse. From the look of it, Naruto's javelin practice had dislocated the dead creature's legs. There was a rustle of cloth as Kakashi's book reappeared. The man leaned back against a tree trunk, already immersed in its contents.

"Where the hell are those two?" Naruto peered around for the monks.

Sasuke pointed somewhere over his shoulder with his thumb. "Don't look!"

But it was two late. What had been seen could never be unseen. The Sanzo was butt naked and kicking at the surface of the water with his spindly legs while Jin looked on in utter confusion. Naruto spun back around immediately.

"Thanks for the warning, prick," he mumbled, trying to shake off the wrinkly image. What he would not have given at that moment for a bottle of bleach and a good scrubbing brush.

The corners of Sasuke's lips twitched upwards in a malicious smirk. "I _did_ tell you not to look."

Naruto just scowled at him.

"AH! HOW I LOVE THE FEEL OF MOTHER NATURE'S BREATH BETWEEN MY BUTTOCKS!" The Sanzo bellow behind them.

"Your Holiness, the current is too-"

"Shut up you ninny! Can't you let an old man have a little bit of fun?"

"I think he's trying to bury it," said Kiba suddenly.

Naruto's arched his eyebrow as he watched Akamaru tug the rabbit out from beneath the fox by its paw. Once the body was removed, the vulpine's jaw smacked off the ground with a thump. It howled pitifully as Akamaru tossed the dead rabbit into the hole and began kicking the dirt back on it with his hind legs.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked incredulously as Kiba took out a kunai and began slicing away a large piece of bark from the nearest tree trunk.

"Making a headstone," the dog nin replied in a matter of fact tone of voice. "You do that when you bury something."

"It's a rabbit!"

"So?" Kiba shrugged. "My family always bury animals with headstones... What should we call it?"

"Spastic," Naruto answered automatically. It had not escaped his attention that the fox's cries were growing weaker and weaker with every paw full of dirt deposited in the hole.

"You can't call something that!" said Kiba. "It's like someone calling you..." he trailed off, remembering the fitting connection between the blond's name and favourite food. "How about Fluffy?"

"_Ga-ay_!" His team mates chorused together.

Naruto decided to hurry the burying process up by shovelling dirt into the hole with the side of his foot. It was having the desired affect he had hoped for. The fox was indeed beginning to calm.

"With a name like that you might as well not give it a headstone," Sasuke muttered.

"Alright," Kiba turned to the Uchiha. "You come up with a name then."

"It's only a dumb rabbit!"

"Naruto?"

"Bun Balls."

"...Fluffy it is then," The dog nin sighed and began carving the newly christened dead animal's name into the bark.

Naruto kicked the last bit of dirt in and stomped down on the surface until it was flat and compact.

"Happy?" he said to the fox.

The animal sat up, its eyes shining and let out a bark. Naruto immediately regretted not thinking of burying the fox in the hole as well. As Kiba carefully pushed the makeshift headstone into the ground, Sasuke raised his voice yet again.

"What's the point? It'll be gone by the end of the night."

"So what?" Kiba replied as he stretched back up. "All that matters is that it was there in the first place."

Sasuke shot Naruto an exasperated look. The blond shrugged. Kiba was far too sentimental for his own good. Still, it was nice to think that if ever he popped his clogs, he could count on Kiba to muster up a headstone from somewhere. Sasuke on the other hand already had too many ghosts to chase.

"How long do you reckon it will be before something digs it up and eats it?" Naruto asked rubbing his growling stomach. It was a tempting idea, if it weren't for the fact that he would have to listen to the fox whine.

Sasuke groaned. "You two are such fucking weirdos."

* * *

That evening Naruto learned that amongst the many things Hatake Kakashi was not, a cook was one of them.

On their journey to Kiri, the man had skilfully managed to avoid dinner duty by pretending to be either asleep or reading his novel. However, the meeting with the Mizukage that day had left him paranoid beyond belief. He trusted no one, not even his team and had taken charge of the cooking, much to the dismay of Naruto's hungry stomach. Vegetables had undergone a gruelling scent test, the ramen had been broken up into tiny little pieces in case its hardened string was hiding a tracking device. Naruto stared down at his over cooked meal with a sigh. Burnt ramen, he had never thought that such a thing was possible.

He really couldn't understand why his teacher had gone to so much trouble to poison them all himself. They were residing in one of the Mizukage Manson's many rooms that night. If the man wanted to kill them, he probably would do it later while they were asleep. Naruto sighed and crunched on a piece of blackened bell pepper. Only Akamaru and the fox looked satisfied with their meal. They had been given some scraps of meat by Kiri gatekeepers, although Naruto had a sneaking suspicion that it was not pig like they claimed it to be.

"Hey Kiba?" he suddenly found himself asking. "What happened to your dad?"

The chopsticks stopped midway to Kiba's open mouth.

He blinked at Naruto in surprise. "My dad?"

"No, your fucking toilet."

The dog nin blew on his meal before shoving it in his mouth. "Rawn awf," he swallowed with a grimace. "Well, Mom chased him away."

Naruto arched an eyebrow. "You serious?"

"Yeah," Kiba shuddered. "She's pretty scary. Hana's always going on about how useless he was."

"Was he?"

"No," replied the boy in a slightly defensive tone. He seemed to catch himself on, his shoulders relaxed a little. "Hana hates him. She's always telling me that I'm just like him-" Naruto fought against the temptation to ask Kiba if this was because he had inherited his father's intelligence or lack thereof.

"-But she'll bitch about anything. It's annoying the way she pretends to be all nice when there's other people around, Mom especially. When it's just me and her, she's all like,_ 'Do this! Do that! What is Mom comes back right now and sees your room in a mess? Blah, blah, blah! Poor me, I work soooo hard!_'- She thinks she's so fucking great." A bell pepper went flying out of his bowl. "You're sure lucky you don't have any brothers or sisters."

Naruto didn't say anything. Over the years he had often wondered what it would have been like to have a brother or sister, never mind a family with parents. Things quite possibly would have been very different for him. It was a fantasy he knew, and in recent months he found himself spending less and less time thinking about it.

"You know anything about your family?" Kiba asked.

The blond shrugged. "They're most likely dead-" He could have sworn to himself that he saw Kakashi stiffen a little. "-Speaking of siblings. Are you gonna join the ANBU, Cissy?" he asked, turning to Sasuke.

The Uchiha snapped from his brooding thoughts immediately. His dark eyes narrowed suspiciously as he stared at the blond. _"Why?"_

"I hate to break it to you but your darling brother dearest has got a shit load more experience than you do if he was in the ANBU at thirteen," Naruto smirked, waiting for the boy to explode.

He watched the Uchiha shoot a seething glare at their sensei. Kakashi continued to slurp on his meal from behind the cover of his book, seemingly oblivious to the boy's anger.

"Probably," Sasuke muttered as he turned back to face them. "If I don't find him before that."

"So you're telling me that if he turned up right here. Right now. At this very moment-_ you'd take him on?_" Naruto shook his head. "You know, for someone who's supposedly a genius, you're pretty fucking stupid."

"What he means is think before you do something crazy," Kiba said hurriedly, his eye darting from boy to boy.

Naruto lips twisted, his eyes danced in wicked delight. "Nope! I meant stupid because it _is_ stupid. Not crazy. Just stupid stupid-" He took a swing from his drink, cackling inwardly as Sasuke began to bristle with quiet anger. "-_Completely retarded._"

"Naru!" groaned Kiba. "Lay off would you? Honestly man, would it kill you not to be a dick for once?"

The blond grinned. "Probably."

"The only one who's an idiot here is you," Sasuke growled.

"Dunno," mused Naruto, idly scratching his chin with the tip of his chopstick. "You're doing a pretty good impression of one."

"And why do you care anyway?" snapped the Uchiha, his voice raising a little. "It's none of your damn business!"

"Have you ever considered that they might not want you to die?"

From the top of the table, their sensei peered out at them from behind his book. His one eye trailed meaningfully from face to face until at last it rested on Sasuke's. "-You know what it feels like to be left behind."

The shriveled contents of Naruto's bowl were remarkably interesting all of a sudden. He poked them with his chopsticks, as if the action might somehow stab out the awkwardness in the room.

"I'm not going to _leave_ anyone behind," he heard the Uchiha mumble in a very small voice.

Kiba had heard it too, from across the table he shot Naruto a grin before burning his tongue on his ramen.

Their teacher sighed, put down his chopsticks, pulled up his mask and closed his books. "It's after nine, you three should start getting ready for bed."

"At nine o'clock?" Naruto said in disgust. "Are you fucking serious?"

Kakashi folded his arms. "Some of us didn't get much sleep last night."

Right on cue, Kiba let out a loud yawn, even Sasuke looked a little tired around the eyes.

"See?" Kakashi indicated to the two boys with a jerk of the head. "Beddy byes!"

"I don't need to go to sleep yet."

"Then you can lie there until you do."

A loud creak interrupted them as the door pushed open. The Sanzo and Jin had returned from the communal meal. Despite Kakashi's warnings, all was lost once one of the Gates men let slip that they were serving fish head soup for dinner. The older monk had practically bolted off in search of the queue, dragging his disciple behind him. On retrospect for all Naruto complained about his teacher's cooking, at least it was still ramen.

"I have to say, that was the most enjoyable bowl of fish head soup I've had in quite some time!" said the Sanzo as he pushed open the door. "Truly delicious."

"I 'hink, I 'ot ah own 'n mah 'oat," replied Jin, his finger shoved in his mouth.

"Stop that! You'll make yourself sick," ordered his superior. Jin shuffled past them on his way towards his sleeping bag, his fist nearly shoved the full way into his mouth.

"Oh! I see that you have left overs," the Sanzo licked his lips, eyeing the cremated meals. "May I?"

All three boys pushed their bowls towards him. They watched in gruesome fascination as he guzzled them all down without once coughing or reaching for glass of water.

"Mmm... Crispy! Just how I like it. How's the ankle, Grumpy?" he asked, turning to Naruto.

The boy scowled at the nickname. "Fine."

"Have you taken your bandages off yet? Might as well!" he added.

Naruto regarded him suspiciously for a moment before bending down to unwrap the cotton strips that bound the hem of his combats to his ankle. As the bandages gave way, Naruto began to notice flecks of hardened blood on the inside of the white cloth. With a sharp tug, he pulled back his trouser leg, ignoring the sting of pain as skin and hair came with it.

"What the...?"

Naruto brushed his hand over his ankle, dried bits of blood flaked into his palm. The pores of his skin were dotted with red all over the area where the Rokubi's tail had touched him.

"That's good," said the Sanzo, bending down to inspect it. His nose twitched a little. "It's all out then."

"Huh?"

"Demons excrete poisonous chakra. It works its way through your pores and into your organs until they eventually become so inflamed that you die of suffocation. Don't worry though," he said with a cheerful grin. "You'll be alright!"

The boy yanked down his trouser leg. "And why's that?"

"Because you have a very _unique_ chakra."

"Unique?" He heard Sasuke mutter to himself. Naruto swallowed.

"The same uniqueness that attracts them to you," the man yawned.

"Attracts what?" He asked._ "...Demons?_"

But the monk was no longer listening. He was up on his feet again, staring out through the small square window at the thickening clouds in the sky. "Hmm, smells like it will rain heavily tonight. Good, it will wash away the rest of that slime. Nasty stuff really."

"So Rokubi did attack here as well," said Sasuke. His eyes flashed in victory. "Knew it."

"Well... I think so," the monk replied, although he sounded incredibly doubtful. "I asked around at dinner and they were all rather hush hush on the subject. These Kiri folk are a miserable lot if you ask me. No fun to be had whatsoever. They should be celebrating the fact that they're still alive-"

The three boys exchanged a knowing looks with one another. No one but the Sanzo would expect a village with more corpses than people to want to party.

"-And they didn't even have a bottle of sake between the lot of 'em. Kami, what a depressing place this world is now..." He trailed off with a sigh. "It all seems a little odd. The tailed beasts are notorious for being stupid creatures. They're usually too confused to attack a human settlement unless it just so happens to be standing in their way and as far as I can tell, the Rokubi has been in possession of Utakata for quite some time... Ah! It's useless!" He dismissed his train of thought with a wave of a hand. "If only I still had my eyes! It's bloody impossible to tell which one's which when their chakra is all the same. Hmm, it probably got hungry and somehow found its way back here..." he frowned, not thoroughly convinced with his own reasoning. "That would be a first though because most of tailed beasts do not understand the concept of reverse.

"Whaddya mean?" asked Kiba, pulling off his shirt. Sasuke and him were already halfway towards being ready for bed.

"They rarely go back from whence they came... Hmm... I _wonder_."

"Can't they just kill it?" asked Sasuke.

The man stared at him in surprise. "It's not that easy, boy! You can't kill something that could not be killed in its true original form. The Rokubi is a fragment," he explained to the confused expressions on their faces. "It is one of the nine fragments that make up the Juubi's soul."

Sasuke and Kiba exchanged a sceptical glance between them.

"What the hell is the Juubi?" asked Naruto.

"Some old legend my Mom used to tell me," Kiba explained as he pulled off his sandals. "About an evil demon king who lives on the moon."

At this Naruto chuckled. There were some things that rang too fantastical even for his mental state. Kakashi however had been listening intently, his eye thoughtful as if he had just been deeply disturbed by something. Naruto felt his stomach drop with unease.

"All legends are based in truth," The Sanzo warned Kiba. "Even just a tiny slither of it. When the Rikudo Sennin defeated it in a battle, he banished all the Yokai from this world."

"To the moon?" snorted Sasuke.

"No, no. The Juubi's body is locked _inside_ the moon. The Rikudo created it especially to keep it there," the man corrected him. "He put the demon's soul inside his own body to contain it, and kept it there until his body began to grow weak..." He trailed off again, a vacant distant look on his face. "...How very puzzling indeed. What is it that I have overlooked?" He continued to mumble to himself

"Is the Kyuubi no Kitsune one of those nine fragments?" Naruto asked suddenly.

"_Was_," Sasuke corrected him. "The Kyuubi's dead, dipshit."

The monk smiled at them both. "Of course."

Naruto twisted the hem of his jacket between his hands as the Kyuubi's cold fury coursed through his veins.

* * *

Hours later, when everyone else was asleep, Naruto lay awake on his back, staring up at the ceiling. It had been the worst day of his life, though possibly not as bad as the Kyuubi's sealing but at least he could bless the fact that he didn't remember that.

Their talk with the Sanzo had left the demon fox angry. Naruto held his trembling hands up to the moonlight with a sigh. Angry was not the word for it, furious was far more appropriate given how difficult brushing his teeth before bed had been. Mad Kyuubi shook his muscles into an uncontrollable spasm. There would be no sleep for him that night, the demon's rage would make sure of it.

Cursing under his breath, he turned over onto his side, his brow narrowed in thought. He could only guess that the old monk had told him something that the Kyuubi had not wanted to hear. Maybe it was just his paranoia doing leaps and bounds but he felt it safe to assume that the beast's presence within him attracted other demons like the Rokubi towards him. That was what the old familiar feeling had been when he crossed paths with the Slug demon. If they were all part of the same soul then it was little wonder that he had felt something.

Naruto had come to realise many years before that his sole reason for existence was to keep the Kyuubi locked away. He had never once thought that there was a possibility, no matter how small, that the demon could get out. If the legend was true then that opened his world to something far more terrifying.

The seal could be broken. What had happened to Utakata could very well happen to him.

He ran his fingers over his stomach. Nothing had changed. He had checked it numerous times already beneath the privacy of his sleeping bag. The black inks were still there. Nothing had faded or smudged. It was not the seal that was the problem or if it was, it had not yet begun to slip. The thought gave him hope.

Still Naruto was none the wiser to the monks' true aims. The corners of his lips twitched upwards as an image of the crazy coot munching on bluish white tail ran across his mind. It was as likely a scenario as any where the Sanzo was involved. At that thought, a cruel snicker escaped his lips as he replayed the memory of Kisame getting knocked on his back, over and over, and over again.

Mirth vanished rather quickly. He was frightened, so frightened that he was even willing to admit it to himself. There was something going on underneath everything. Something that no one was talking about... But what worried Naruto the most, what he feared beyond anything else was what lay hidden in the forest. The Rokubi was not the only thing out there lurking between the trees. He was sure of it.

A sharp uneasy whine to his left broke his train of thought.

Naruto raised his head to see Maru lying flat on his belly beside Kiba. His ears were pulled back, his teeth bared in a snarl as he whimpered at something in the window. Curious, Naruto followed the dog's glare to the small, black silhouette with pointy ears and luminous orbs perched on the window ledge.

From out of the darkness, the fox was peering straight back at him.

Naruto scrabbled upright, half expecting it to flinch in surprise but the fox did not. It sat in perfect stillness, its body ridged like a marble statue blocking out the light. Through the glass behind it, a dull orange glow threw its huge shadow across the floor. And as the light grew stronger, it caught in curves of the animal's face like a grinning skull.

A cold shiver ran down the column of Naruto's spine. He swallowed the thick lump in his throat. Its eyes were like burning coals.

"What?" he whispered at it. Loud enough so that it could hear him.

But the creature's beguiling eyes continued stare and stare. They bore their way through Naruto's heart, piercing him to his very core. Watchful, ever watchful as if it were expecting something.

"What do you want?"

Not a whine nor a bark, nor a single flicker of its lids broke its merciless gaze.

Naruto's legs unfolded beneath him as he climbed out of his sleeping bag. He tapped Akamaru lightly on the head to stop the puppy from waking its master. The dog whined a little and shuffled backwards into the crook of Kiba's arm for safety.

Presently, Naruto felt himself grow stronger. He glared back at the fox. It was stupid to be frightened of a small irritating animal that threw a fit over a dead rabbit.

"What!" he demanded. His voice was louder, more forceful this time. "Whaddya want?"

But the fox stared, and sat, and nothing more.

Infuriated, Naruto stormed across the wooden floor towards it. As he grew closer the distant cry of battle began to echo in his mind. The floor seemed to shake beneath his feet. The clash of blades grew sharper with every step. He could hear the song of men dying, the splash of their blood being spilled upon the earth. Something in Naruto's stomach gave an excited kick.

As his hand reached out to touch the fox's head, its thin lips pulled back in a mocking grin before the wall exploded behind it.


	10. Crushed

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter Ten

"Crushed"

...Pain.

An agony so immense it cancelled out all terror. It was explosive. It was crushing and it was very much inescapable.

Naruto lay broken on his back, pinned to the floor by a large piece of wall. His arms were shattered. His hip bone crushed into a thousand tiny little pieces. Blood, dust and saliva mingled together to fill the dry corners of his mouth. His tongue hit against the razor sharp edge of a glass shard embedded in his cheek.

Naruto stared dimly up at the bright lights flashing in dust cloud above him. Only one word formed in his mind. A word that he felt compelled to say irregardless of glass and mangled limbs.

"._..Shit._"

Akamaru was barking in his ear. There was a scrabble of dirt beside him, Kakashi's worried eye loomed into view.

"Hang in there!" he called above the roar of battle coming from outside. "We're going to get you out!"

"'S not like I'm goin' anywhere," the boy mumbled.

He could vaguely make out Sasuke and Kiba straining and cursing against the boulder beside their teacher. Naruto coughed again, blood spilled onto his lips and down his chin. He was dying, or more he _would_ have been dying if it were not for the familiar warmth of the Kyuubi's chakra working on his wounds. Nevertheless, it was probably what dying was supposed to feel like.

Minutes trickled by without relief. A dull belligerent anger began to grow deep inside the shattered remains of his ribcage. Having never had a maternal figure to kiss away the cuts and bruises, Naruto did not crumble into a sobbing heap of panic and fear like a child was expected to. Instead he gritted his teeth together, narrowed his eyes and cursed the darkness blotching his vision.

He would not die.

He did not want to die.

He _refused_ to die.

Behind the words grew power. It was like water suddenly bursting from a dam, the Kyuubi's chakra spilled forth at an unprecedented rate, wrapping itself around his shattered bones and torn flesh, gluing him back together. Helplessness had brought anger, and anger had brought strength. The boulder shuddered unsteadily as his palms pressed against it, pushing it upwards.

With a grunt he bent his knees and pushed the soles of his feet down against the floor. They slipped beneath him as he pulled himself upright. The veins in his neck and forearms bulged, his spine gave a nasty crack. Naruto felt the tip of the glass shard splinter in his mouth as his teeth ground down on it. The boulder was up in the air now, held high above his head.

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!"

Thunder clamped as brick met brick, shattering into tiny pieces against the far wall. Panting, chuckling, he reached up and yanked the shard from his cheek. The beat of his heart drummed triumphantly in his chest. He felt elevated, illuminated, riding on the afterglow of his liberation. The shock waves from the explosions outside rippled across the tiny taste buds on his tongue. He could hear the rush of sweat, grime and blood trailing down his chest. There were no boundaries any more, no senses, everything was one and alive.

A sharp smack across the face brought him back down to earth. Naruto blinked, clarity began to blur and fade.

"_Close. The. Gate_."

Even in the shadows, there was no mistaking the stern folds that creased across the Sanzo's brow. Naruto swallowed in realisation. So blinded by his determination to survive, he had unwittingly opened the first of the eight chakra gates. He strained against the flow of chakra, bundling it back together and pushing it down like he was trying to shove a camel through the eye of a needle. Suppressing a cry, he clenched his jaw until at last the gate was firmly locked shut.

Not a word was uttered in the few moments of silence that followed. Squinting against the sweat running into his eyes, Naruto raised his head to look at the Sanzo. Gone was the monk and his fleeting seriousness with him. Instead, he found himself staring straight into the relieved and demanding faces of Kiba and Sasuke. Naruto's eyes narrowed, promising nothing short of death if they dare so much as utter the phrase, "Are you alright?"

"I take it that the rebel rabble have decided to pay Kiri a visit, no?" The old monk called conversationally from the hole where the window used to be.

Naruto wiped his sleeve across his face as he pulled his shoulders back. He felt utterly drained. "They heard you were here and decided to throw you an orgy."

There was an uneasy giggle to his left. Despite his obvious relief, Kiba's eyes darted nervously between the other two boys as they faced off against one another. Naruto could see the questions zipping to-and-fro just behind the Uchiha's eyes. He was expecting answers, yes, ones which Naruto refused to give. Mortal peril be damned, he would rather be eaten by the Rokubi before he ever told either of them the truth as to why and how he had survived.

Kiba giggled again.

"Shut up," Sasuke snapped, his eyes still latched on Naruto. "It wasn't even funny."

This only made the boy giggle even more. It was not the scattered debris from another explosion that eventually broke their stalemate, but rather their sensei. A pair of clean trousers, followed by a shirt and finally his kunai pouch, smacked Naruto right in the back of the head.

"The fuck?" he snarled at the man.

"Grab your weapons and sandals. Leave everything else!" Kakashi ordered them as he tied his forehead protector back on and threw his green jacket into a corner.

Another explosion rattled through the building, a hand grabbed his elbow as he stumbled to the side. Naruto turned his head to find Sasuke's black eyes glaring back at him.

"Get off me, you queer."

"Will you two love birds stop flirting and get on with it!" yelled Kakashi.

The boys jumped apart, thoroughly disgusted by the man's insinuation. Neither of them dared look at Kiba. They could hear the catch of his wheezing breath loud enough to know that he was laughing.

"Naruto!" their teacher continued. "Hurry up and get changed. Sanzo! Wake your student up."

"Could it be the San- Hmm? What?" the Sanzo tore his eyes away from the chaos outside. "Oh! One moment please."

He sauntered across the room and landed a well aimed kick on his sleeping disciple's head. A few stomps later and Jin finally awoke, vacant and confused and wondering if they were at a fireworks festival.

Naruto quickly changed clothes. The clean affect was completely lost on the layer of muck covering his skin. As he pulled on his sandals, he looked up to find Kiba's back still shaking with silent laughter. Cursing the boy, he grabbed a piece of brick from his sleeping bag and tossed it at him, clocking him one right in the skull.

"OWWW!" yelped the dog nin. Naruto smirked with satisfaction as the boy's hand shot up to nurse the swelling lump on his head.

Sasuke smiled a little before he caught himself on, and returned with renewed stoicism, to his task of counting the invisible tentacles on Naruto's head. Whatever the blond's witty response was to be that ended in the word "gay", it was lost forever in his throat, forgotten. A pair of yellow eyes watched Naruto from just behind Kiba's ankle.

His stomach gave an uncomfortable gurgle before it dropped to his knees.

The fox was still alive and looking remarkably unscathed for something that had just been in the direct line of an explosion. The animal rolled over onto its side, its pink tongue hanging from between its lips. Naruto glared back at it, unable to trust its harmless demeanour despite all evidence now pointing in the direction of a larger, more demonic culprit.

It had been a hallucination, or at least part of one. Naruto's brow furrowed at the thought, confused as to why he had not recognised such an obvious trick. The lesser heard and often ignored, rational side of his brain chose that moment to make itself heard. Of all the scenarios the easiest to swallow was one in which the Kyuubi had used the battle outside to confuse his senses. Either that, or just had an impeccable sense of timing. Maybe that was it. Yes, the voice told him. _It was_.

"Stop stalling!" barked Kakashi.

The boy tore his eyes away from the creature, slammed the last strap on his left sandal down and stood up.

"_Stupid fox."_

He took his place just behind Sasuke and Kiba, grinning to himself as he watched the dog nin raise his hand once more to rub his head. The Uchiha shot him a quick forewarning look over his shoulder. Naruto was not going to be able to wiggle his way out of a cross examination later. The blond's heart sank a little further at the thought.

"Sasuke, Kiba, take the rear. Naruto, are you sure-"

A curt pointed nod, coupled with the underlining threat of violence kept the man from pressing any further.

"Watch my back...And please try to stay focused." He poked his head out further into the dark corridor, his headband raised to reveal his sharingan.

The boy stuck his middle finger up in reply.

"We're Konoha nin," he heard Kiba say. "Why would they wanna attack us?"

"There's always someone who's got a hatchet to bury," Kakashi told him, not bothering to turn around. "C'mon."

Plaster fell from the ceiling in clumps and flakes. The walls shook, pictures and statues rattled from side to side before toppling on to the wooden floor with a smash. Naruto was strongly reminded of a tower of cards about to topple in on itself. The only difference was that instead of paper, it was ten ton cement buckling around them. He swallowed.

They stalked through the corridors, looking from left to right. The building appeared to be completely deserted. Occasionally, Kakashi would raise his hand for them to stop, his back would bend a little as he listened for the sound of footsteps amidst the bangs and screams.

"They must have all evacuated," he sighed.

"Why the hell didn't they wake us?" Naruto growled.

"Because it's not in their best interests that we stay alive. Sasuke? Anything your end?"

Naruto peered over his shoulder at the boy and had clamp his mouth shut to stop himself from laughing. Perspiration rolled down the Uchiha's face, his head jerked from side to side at the slightest sound. Beside him, Kiba's easy going demeanour had been replaced by something that attempted to be concentration but failed miserably; They both looked ridiculous covered in dust.

"Naruto! Concentrate!" warned Kakashi.

The boy rolled his eyes. "No one's here, you said so yourself. They've all fucked off without us."

"Never take anything as a given. There might be an assassin waiting."

"Anyone ever tell you that you're paranoid?"

The pointed look in Kakashi's eye said it all. Naruto scowled.

"How'd you get your sharingan?" he asked after a long silence. They had been moving for less than for ten minutes and already his brain was beginning to wander.

"By not paying attention to what was important at the time; My team mates' lives."

Naruto felt immediately ashamed. Sasuke and Kiba were not jinchuuriki. If either of them got hurt, it would take days, possibly even weeks for them to heal. Now that his blood had turned to acid, he would probably end up killing them if he tried to aid them. They could die if they got injured, and there was nothing he could do to help them.

He did his best to shake off the claws ominous fear that stabbed at his guts, and peered out one of the windows. His eyes widened in realisation.

"TAKE COVER!" he yelled.

Naruto half dived, half skidded across the floor on his belly, wood chips and dust scattering over his back. As the air settled, he peered over his shoulder; The monks looked respectively bemused and amused. Kiba, from what he could gather, had been pulled out of the way just in time by Sasuke. Both boys were now staring in stunned silence at the space that they had occupied only moments before.

A boulder lay embedded in the floor, spilt down the centre like a cake. Behind it crouched a masked man, his dark hair cascading over his shoulders, his hands wrapped in blue chakra.

"Hatake Kakashi?" the stranger said, turning his mask towards their sensei. Elaborate red swirls adorned the white surface, and on the forehead bore the familiar four wave emblem of Kirigakure. "The Mizukage sent me to escort you, your team and clients to the civilian camp. We need to hurry."

"Shame he didn't decide that earlier," Naruto said sarcastically, shaking off the dust.

"What's the situation?" Kakashi raised his hand, but Sasuke did not relax. The Uchiha only edged his right hand closer to his kunai pouch.

"They've infiltrated the outer perimeter and are trying to break their way into the inner. Our only way out is to cut through the battlefield itself. We have to go now!"

Kakashi swore. "Naruto," he whispered. "Don't draw any attention to yourself."

"Quit nagging," the blond growled. "I'm not fucking stupid."

"I know. Kiba, Sasuke, the same goes for you. Do not get involved, no matter what you see."

Naruto knew that the only reason why Kakashi had extended his warning to his other team mates, was to make sure that Naruto felt less got at. He couldn't fool the boy, no matter how well intended his reasons were. Following the Kyuubi's new found ability to use their surroundings amplify its hallucinations, even Naruto was beginning to question his own mindset. Try as he did to convince himself that the attempted kidnap in the forest had been real, the seeds of doubt had begun to sprout.

They followed the Kiri nin in silence, each one of the Konoha Shinobi eyeing him up like he was about to fling a grenade out from underneath his blue kimono. As they reach the back door to the mansion, the man raised a ringed hand and the group stopped. Naruto could no longer contain his suspicions.

"Why should we trust him?" he hissed through the corner of his mouth.

The skin around Kakashi's eye crinkled in a smile. "We shouldn't. Masks hide things, remember?"

To Naruto, it all seemed a little strange. Surely when the Mansion had been evacuated they would have checked all the rooms to make sure that there was no one left behind. He bit down on his bottom lip. It made little sense to wait until the height of battle to send someone in to get them.

"Everyone please remove your forehead protectors," the Kiri nin requested somewhat apologetically.

"Why?" asked Kiba. Although alarmed, he did what he was told. Naruto and Sasuke quickly followed suit.

"Incognito kiddo," Kakashi told them cheerfully.

"And what about you?" Naruto asked.

The man merely tapped the steel band where the Konoha symbol had been replaced by a Kiri one. His jacket was missing as well. "A Shinobi is always resourceful."

"You robbed that from a dead man."

"Someone who pokes dead bodies with sticks shouldn't have too much of a problem with a little pilfering. What's happening?" he called to the masked man.

"They've gotten out the battering ram. Good luck to them," he replied. "That gate has been specially reinforced with seals and steel. Good thing we have the battlements secured otherwise they would have completely over run us by now."

"Er, so how are we gonna get out?" asked Kiba.

"We wait for our side to open the gate."

"So you're going to lure them in here and pick them off one by one as they enter," Sasuke said thoughtfully. "Isn't that a little simple?"

"Simplicity is usually the most effective form of attack," the Kiri nin nodded. "The Mizukage wants no prisoners."

"Yeah." Naruto's mind immediately flew to the dead man he had seen bleeding all over the Mizukage's office floor. He very much doubted that the white haired rebel and his companions had made their way out of that room alive. "...We gathered that."

"But if we don't have our forehead protectors, won't the rebels just think we're part of Kiri or vice versa?" he heard Kiba say. The dog nin still had his in his hand, his expression torn.

There was no arguing with his logic, the three boys looked at the sensei expectantly. The man shrugged.

"Maybe, but there's also the possibility that they will assume that we are on their side. If we keep our heads down and keep to the fringes of the fight, we're less likely to get noticed by either side."

"So basically we're screwed forehead protectors or not," Naruto told him.

"Only if you do something stupid."

"NOW!" yelled the masked man.

At the order, one Konoha jounin, three genin, two monks, two animals and a Kiri nin of questionable intentions, shot from the building. Up ahead at the gate house, six hundred or so shinobi took their positions on all three sides of the gates. Naruto didn't know an awful lot about battle tactics but it was clear that whoever managed to get through the doors, they were not going to last very long.

Torches lit up the night sky, casting everything in an angry orange hue. As they moved closer and closer to the blocked exit, Naruto became more aware of the fighting that was going on just behind the wall. The shouts were no longer incoherent babble but techniques and war cries and clearest of all, the dying screams of men. His nerves rattled excitedly with anticipation. Their guide leaped over the startled ranks of the awaiting ambush, his arm outstretched at the two men lifting up the planks.

"Don't open the gate!" he cried but it was too late.

Everything exploded in chaos.

Naruto gasped for air as he was swept up among the advancing Kiri nin. Numbers meant nothing against their opponent it seemed. The sheer ferocity of the rebels' attack battered back the front lines of defence, while behind him the reinforcements were trying to push their way forward to their aid.

Trapped, Naruto tried twisting his head around to look for the others. He could hear Akamaru barking and the manic cackle of the Sanzo as he thrashed his fan around. Gritting his teeth together, Naruto wormed his hands free and brought them together to form a number of quick intricate hand symbols.

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

Kiri's defence broke as a hundred clones exploded out of thin air, knocking them to the ground. The attackers behind the gate let out a triumphant yell and spilled forth into the inner perimeter. It took Naruto a matter of seconds to realise that he had just single handedly turned the battle in favour of the rebels. Hundreds of blood thirsty Kiri nin eyes landed on the boy.

"Oh fuc-"

"Well done, jackass!" barked Sasuke, seizing him by the back of his jacket and pulling him along. Kunai zipped past their ears as they ran for their lives. "Do you ever use your brain? Like_ ever?_"

Naruto chose to ignore him. "Where's Kiba?"

"Ohshitohshitohshitohshit!" chanted the dog nin as he fell into step with them, Akamaru at his heels. "We are soooo dead!"

"No thanks to Naruto!"

"I didn't see you coming up with any bright ideas- FUCK OFF!" Naruto roared, spinning around and kicking his would be attacker in the jaw. "We're not part of this!"

But the Kiri Shinobi didn't seem to care. Where one fell, another one replaced them and soon Naruto, Sasuke and Kiba found themselves fighting for their lives. Despite their inexperience, adrenaline, wild panic and dumb luck got them through the first of their opponents. Fist against fist, kunai against kunai, there was little room for jutsus and fancy foot work in a free for all.

The number of Naruto's clones rose and fell dramatically. Regardless of the damning effects it was having on his body, he tried to shield his team from the worst of the attacks with them. There were draw backs however. His speed fell, the Kyuubi's chakra could not work fast enough to heal his wounds. A kick to Naruto's back knocked him on the ground. He flipped himself over sloppily to see Sasuke land an artfully aimed fireball in his attacker's triumphant face.

With a grunt of thanks, he scrambled to his feet only to jump kick a black haired woman creeping up behind Kiba in the side. She recovered herself quickly. Her eyes blazed as they rested on Naruto, blue chakra flames flickered around the short blade in her hand. In a flash, two of Naruto's clones appeared on either side of her. They skidded across the ground towards her feet, dispelling in twin puffs of smoke when they collided.

As she flipped over and fell through the air, Naruto threw up his left hand to meet her. The dagger pierced deep into the palm of his hand, right the way through to the other side. Naruto ignored the pain and seized her by the collar before they toppled onto the ground together in a tangled mess of limbs. The shock and confusion in her eyes quickly turned to pain as Akamaru seized her jugular between his teeth.

Screaming in agony, she threw herself from Naruto. Her hands grappled, scratched, clawed at Akamaru's fur as she tried desperately tried to pull the animal off. Naruto yanked the blade out. Blood trickled down his sleeve to his elbow. They were in trouble, or more Sasuke was.

Outnumbered two to one and exhausted, the Uchiha was more preoccupied with trying to defend himself than anything else. Weapon in hand, Naruto tackled the strongest of the boy's attackers, a stocky teenage boy no older than then himself.

War made beasts of men. There was a feral desperation in the Kiri boy's dark eyes, he slashed his blade wildly at Naruto. Up. Down. Up, down. Back and forth. A scratch, a near miss. Naruto found himself edging closer and closer, determined to put an end to the boy's jerking movements.

Naruto had just blocked and upward stab when a sharp, sudden pain stopped him dead. He peered down at his chest, bewildered to see the short handle of the Kiri boy's second kunai protruding from the front of his jacket. Without so much of a whimper, Naruto reached down and pulled the blade free. Its edges slid against his insides, blood rushed forward to fill his lung. Naruto coughed. The warm, familiar taste of copper filled his mouth. And then the world went spirally into red chaos.

He was dimly aware of the Kiri boy buckling. Of his own manic barks of laughter as he bore down on him viciously with the two blades. Again and again, and again and again. There was blood on his hands, on his face, in his hair. Naruto's heart sang as crimson flew through the air. There was blood everywhere.

"HE'S DEAD!" Kiba grabbed his wrist before he could land another blow. "He's dead!"

It wasn't until Kiba pulled him upright that his fit broke. Naruto stared down at the dead boy. His hands shook, blood dripping from them as he tried to figure out the exact number of blows it had taken. Three, maybe even one. Whatever the number it did not match the vicious wounds covering his corpse. The weapons fell from Naruto's hands like ten ton weights.

"NARUTO!" yelled Sasuke.

He'd killed him, and he had laughed while he had done it. He'd killed him. It hadn't been self defence but slaughter. He had laughed.

"NARUTO!"

Finally Naruto snapped back to reality. Another group of shinobi had caught sight of them and were presently pushing through the fight towards them. Instinctively, Naruto brought his hands together and a hundred strong, fortified wall of clones sprung up around himself and his team mates. It would not hold for long.

"Kami..." Was all Kiba could say as he pressed into the blond's back to support himself.

"Shit, we can't keep this up," spat Sasuke, rubbing the blood from his eyes.

Naruto shrugged, his own gaze still latched on the dead boy. Maybe it was just the adrenaline keeping the nausea at bay, but he felt strangely calm.

"Any ideas?" Kiba turned to the Uchiha, his face wrought with despair.

Sasuke swallowed. "We need a distraction. Naruto?" His eyes wide as two more wet patches suddenly appeared on the boy's chest.

"I'm fine," he grunted through gritted teeth. Already their new opponents were cutting their way through his clones. "Where's Kakashi?"

Right on cue, a massive electrical explosion ripped through the clones and attack Shinobi. Naruto winced, wounded on his side and back. For a second their lazy, irritating sensei looked incredibly bad ass as he stood before them, bathed in firelight and blood. Naruto could forgive Kakashi the injuries, he could even forgive him the mask. Never before in his life had he ever been so happy to see someone.

"Come! Now!" the man yelled.

The boys didn't need telling twice. With what little energy they had left, they shot towards him. Naruto's legs nearly buckled as he called back his badly bruised clones.

"MOVE IT!" Sasuke yelled, grabbing him by the arm.

"Get to the gate! Find the monks-ICE CLAW TECHNIQUE!" Ice shot across the ground from beneath the palm of Kakashi's hand, catching the group of nin running towards them around the ankles and freezing them to the earth. "Leave as soon as you reach them. I'll catch up. GO!"

They weaved their way through the battlefield, tripping and stumbling as they went. Thankfully, for the most part they were ignored, everyone was too busy trying to stay alive to spare the three lost boys much attention. As a first true introduction into their hopefully long careers as Shinobi, team seven had been thrown in the deep end. They were exhausted, mentally and physically, covered in dirt and sweat and blood, their own and other peoples'. At only the age of thirteen, they were barely able to comprehend the scene around them. There was no time for inner reflection or regret. Guilt would come later, as would relief and fear, survival was all that mattered in that moment.

Naruto found his gaze being drawn to the back of a tall, bare chested rebel wielding a massive sword at the centre of a group of Kiri Nin. He howled like a wild dog, his weapon slicing back and forth, cutting through anyone foolish enough to come near him. As a group of reinforcements ran past, the boys ducked behind a large upturned cart.

"I don't believe it..." he heard Sasuke say.

"What?" he asked distractedly, turning his head just as a screaming man went flying over them, carried on a gust of wind.

"I haven't had this much fun since the Sumidagawa Festival last year!" The Sanzo boomed, twirling around on his tippy-toes. With a single flick of his gigantic fan, he sent his enemies flying back into the air.

The three teens stared, completely at a loss.

"Can we get those pretty blue fireworks this year, Your Holiness?" Jin asked. He cracked the heads of two men together like they were conkers. "-I liked them."

"Yes,yes."

"And sparklers too?"

The old man frowned. "You mean those measly spitting sticks we got from the Kumo traders? How very disappointing they were. They didn't even spin around in a circle after you lit them."

"I thought they were pretty."

"Of course you did. You are a simpleton."

"Remarkable," said a voice behind them. "I wonder what religious order they belong to."

Naruto, Sasuke and Kiba spun around, weapons at the ready only to find their guide from earlier crouched behind them. The man raised his hands in a symbol of peace.

"My job is to get you to safety," he told them kindly.

"And a fine fucking job of that you're doing!" Naruto practically spat on the his mask, beside him Akamaru barked in agreement.

"Forgive me," the man bowed his head. "Things have not gone according to plan. We've been over run."

On reflex, Kiba looked at Naruto, earning himself a kick from Sasuke. The blond glared at them both.

"Where's your sensei?" asked the man, oblivious to the exchange of not so subtle death threats and accusatory stares taking place right underneath his nose.

"Right here," panted Kakashi as he landed beside them. "I thought I told you three to- Ah." They watched another man go sailing upwards.

"There you lot are! Have fun?" the Sanzo greeted their stony expressions. "No touchy!" The handle of the fan smacked an approaching man right in the nose.

"KISAAAAAME!" A woman's voice shrieked behind them.

Liquid fire shot through the night's sky to meet the blue giant as he joined the fray. The quills of Kisame's sword split the jutsu right down the middle as it hit, redirecting the flames to the ground on either side of him. Naruto watched the man twirl the handle around like the blades of a windmill, quenching the fire completely.

"We need to go!" said their guide in a panicked voice.

They took off, running through the now abandoned gate and out into the outer perimeter. Over his shoulder, Naruto caught a glimpse of the female rebel tearing into Kisame. Lava and water exploded from her hands, her long red hair streaming behind her in the wind like a waterfall.

"Shouldn't their Kage be fighting with them?" Sasuke panted between breaths.

The masked Kiri nin said nothing.

Everything glistened a cold silver in the moonlight. Now that the fight had moved inside the inner walls, all that who were left guarding the outer perimeter were the dead. The smell of rotting flesh and heavy rainfall lingered in the air, the ground squelched beneath their feet. And as they moved towards the large hole in the wall, Naruto noticed that the large piles of dead bodies they had seen during the day, had been knocked over and swept towards the massive wooden gates, or lying on top of the upturned catapult.

"What about the injured?" he asked his teacher.

"I don't think there are any," the man whispered back.

Startled, Naruto glanced over his shoulder. Kiba and Sasuke stared back at him with equally grim expressions. It went unsaid that there was something very wrong with Kirigakure. Naruto knew that beyond a doubt, he did not want to know what that something was. The problem was however, that he was probably not going to have much of a choice in the matter.

Naruto's suspicions only grew as they jumped through gap and out into the forest. Not a living soul was to be seen stalking the outer wall. There were plenty of dead ones, washed out onto the forest floor and hanging from the branches above their heads.

"Hold it."

They froze as a large group of Kiri nin trudged past them on their way towards the village. The forest was not quite as empty as it appeared. Naruto's nerves jarred together nastily as thoughts of one very slimy and deadly tailed beast crept their way back into his mind. He stared out into the dark, searching for it. There was no way they would be able to see it if it did find them. Lighting a flare was too dangerous.

"Where did they come from?" he heard Kiba say.

Without a word of warning, Kakashi seized their guide around the neck in a headlock, his other hand held the point of a kunai at his jugular. The boys watched transfixed, fascinated and somewhat confused by the latest turn of events. It was not that they felt that their teacher was treating the man unfairly, it was more that they were surprised by the sudden lethal change in his demeanour.

"You weren't really sent by the Mizukage," Kakashi growled. "Who are you working for? The rebels?"

"I was sent by him," squawked the man. He did not try and fight back like Naruto had expected him to.

"You're lying," said Kakashi in an eerily calm voice.

The man protested, shaking his head from side to side as he gasped.

"Who are you?"

"Tsurugi," came the wheezed reply. "My name's Tsurugi."

At this Kakashi let go. The man dropped to the ground, clutching at his aching throat. He spluttered and spat behind his mask.

"I've heard of you," Kakashi nodded slowly. "You're the Head of Kirigakure's Hunter-nin. Why were you sent to do an errand boy's task?"

"I volunteered. If it were anyone else, you'd all be dead." With one hand he reached behind his head and untied his mask.

The moonlight caught on the long, thick scar that ran across the lid of his left eye and down the side of his face. His beard, like his hair was black and well groomed into a pointed goatee.

"A double agent," said Kakashi.

Tsurugi let out a pleasant slightly horse laugh as he climbed to his feet. "Not quite, the Mizukage just hasn't figured me out yet. He released the order for you all to be killed on sight."

"So that's why you got us to take off our forehead protectors!" said Kiba in sudden realisation.

"You knew about this all along," Sasuke turned to their teacher.

But Kakashi shook his head. "No, I was suspicious. There's a difference."

"I assume that you knew something was up the minute you realized that the building had been abandoned," said Tsurugi.

"Long before that, when we arrived in Kirigakure. I knew that there was no way in hell the Mizukage would ever let us leave Water Country alive after we learned about the rebellion."

"And why should we trust him?" asked Sasuke. "He might be leading us into a trap."

"If I wanted you all dead, I would have killed you myself. Remember it was not I who alerted their attention towards you on the battlefield," his eyes lingered on Naruto as he spoke.

"Hey! Fuck you!" the blond snarled. He hadn't meant to, and they had all survived relatively unscathed.

"Well, better a masked man than a bare faced liar," mused the Sanzo. "Or is it the other way around?"

"What's the difference?" Jin asked quizzically. "I didn't think there was a difference."

"Jin, what have I told you about thinking?"

The giant scratched his head. "Er, not to do it, Your Holiness?"

"Exactly."

"It looks like we don't have a choice," said Kakashi. "We might as well try and find out what they want from us."

"Or die," Naruto said. No one paid his words the least bit of attention.

As Tsurugi reached down to pick up his mask, his hand shot up to press against his eye as though he had just experienced a sudden sharp pain.

"Damn migraine," he cursed as he quickly put on his mask. "War, if the jutsus don't kill you, all the shouting will. Come, we need to hurry."

* * *

"Where's the stupid fox?"

They had been walking through the tunnel for what felt like an hour, and Naruto had only just realised that their annoying little tag along was missing.

"Don't tell me you actually miss it?" Sasuke stared at him.

Through the red smoke light of his flare, Naruto's hate filled glare said it all. Hallucination or not, he could not deny the unease he felt not knowing where the damn thing was.

"Haven't see it since we left the Mizukage's place," said Kiba with an exhausted yawn. "I hope the little guy's alright."

"I hope it's dead," replied Naruto flatly. Kiba said nothing.

Away from the chaos of the battlefield, reality had finally begun to sunk in. Naruto was fully aware that the dog nin was keeping a safe distance from him out of fear. Kiba's reaction was to be expected, when a shrill laugh accompanied killing it was enough to turn anyone's stomach.

Naruto tried arguing with himself that he hadn't known what he had been doing at the time. That he'd been possessed, that he hadn't even know where he was! All there had been was blood and rage... The whole thing felt surreal. It wasn't as if he didn't feel sorry for the dead boy, although he knew fine rightly that had it been the other way around, he would have been the one who wound up dead. What he felt was a growing despondency for himself, which was worse and more self serving than remorse. But at least despondency was better than feeling nothing at all.

For once it was Sasuke who was caught in between his two team mates. He did not seem to care in the least about what Naruto had done. Or if he did, he didn't let it show.

"Keep up you three!" Kakashi called to them over his shoulder.

'A tunnel' was rather an understated way to the describe the gigantic, wet, rocky underground cavern. Tsurugi had lead them through the opening of an abandoned mineshaft by the mountainside and down into the intricate network of sewage systems, former iron works and underground caves. Naruto suppressed a shudder as a drop of water fell from a stalactite and down into the gap between his collar and his neck. It was cold, pitch black and stank so badly that it made his gag reflex pull at random moments.

Wind howled through the tunnels, blasting them with the occasional gust of cold air as they moved deeper and deeper into the maze. Beneath their feet, the faint sound of an underground river rumbled through the darkness. There was water everywhere, echoing in octaves as if fell to the ground. Naruto scratched the flesh on his forearm. The itch was back and more irritating than ever. Something about the icy damp made his skin crawl.

"How the hell haven't they caught on you're hiding here?" he asked the Hunter nin. Not that the place was inviting enough for anyone to want to live in. Still, an underground network of caves and tunnels was really a very obvious a secret hide out spot in Naruto's opinion.

"They have," replied Tsurugi. "But the Labyrinth runs underneath the whole island and there is only one man who knows it well. Fortunately for us, he is on our side. The Mizukage will not come down here. He knows that it is too dangerous. Many of the tunnels lead to dead ends or worse."

"Worse?"

"A sudden drop."

They fell again into silence. As they past yet another tunnel opening, it struck Naruto just how easy it would be to get lost in the place. Subconsciously, he moved closer towards his teacher. The dark did not frighten him normally, but the cave's vast unforgiving emptiness chilled him to the bone.

"-Unless its being hidden in plan sight," he heard the Sanzo mutter. "That can't be it either! It's too simple. Too obvious. Hmm, what do you think Jin? On second thoughts, don't answer that... Are you frightened?"

Jin shivered, his teeth chattering together. "I d-don't l-l-like the dar-dark."

"There's things far worse than the dark in this world, believe me," the man told him grimly. "At least the darkness does not bite. Now suck it up, you big baby! You're forty five for Kami's sake!"

"-Whaddya think, Naruto?" Sasuke asked, finishing off what ever question he had directed towards the blond.

"Hmm?" the boy tore his attention away from the monks. "What?"

"Typical, that boulder must have knocked out your brain as well," sighed Sasuke. "What were you doing by the window anyway?" he demanded suddenly, his eyes narrowing.

Naruto sighed, the long awaited cross examination had begun.

"Went over to check out the noise," he replied. He wasn't completely lying, not really. He had just left out some minor details.

"You should be dead. That thing weighed a ton!"

Naruto shrugged it off as though it was nothing but it only served to irritate the Uchiha more. Sasuke clenched his teeth together. For once Naruto had not intended to annoy him, nevertheless he welcomed the distraction with open arms.

"There were three of us trying to get it off you and it wouldn't budge."

"That's cause you're a bunch of fucking pansies."

Sasuke opened his mouth to argue when a familiar bark interrupted him.

"Sparky!" yelled Kiba with relief.

As Naruto lifted the red light of his flare higher above his head, he felt his innards capsize and sink. The fox had found them.

"You named it." Disdain dripped from every syllable that fell from Sasuke's mouth. It was as though what little respect he had once held for Naruto, had suddenly vanished altogether.

The blond arched an eyebrow. "Don't look at me. I was hoping it was dead."

"If its going to follow us around, we might as well call it something," the dog nin replied, slowly approaching the animal with his hand outstretched.

The fox twisted its head to the side, the tip of its tongue hanging out its mouth.

"Promise me that you'll never have children," said Sasuke after a moment. "Or if you do, that you won't name them."

"I've got an idea," Naruto piped up. "How about we kill it? There's plenty of rocks here we can use for a headstone."

"Stop pretending like you hate animals, Naru," said Kiba, keeping his back to him.

"Who says I'm pretending? That little fucker is the reason why-" he stopped himself short. Once again Naruto had to remind himself that he was blaming the wrong vulpine. And more importantly, if he let slip the real reason why he had been trapped underneath a boulder, Sasuke and Kiba would think that he was completely insane- Not that they didn't already.

Kiba could barely contain his glee as his hand made contact with the animal's head. "Sparky" did not run like it usually did. Instead the fox leaned up into the curve of Kiba's palm, letting out small yips of delight with every stroke administered to its fur. Akamaru growled a little and turned on his tail before walking off after their sensei in a huff.

"'_Sparky'_ sounds like something a three year old would want to stick in its mouth," Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Is Pissy all jealous cause he wants a cutesy name as well?" cooed the blond, peering around them.

"One more word, ass hole and we'll be seeing if you're fire resistant as well. C'mon."

Naruto's grin froze in place, the hairs on the back of his neck prickled upwards. Without a word, he lifted his flare and stared into the darkness. The darkness stared back.

"Did you see something?" he asked his companions.

"What? The dark?" Sasuke offered impatiently, snapping his head up. "In case you haven't noticed it's pitch black in here and you're the one with the fla-"

"Shut the fuck up for a second," Naruto interrupted.

He turned slowly on the spot. There was a presence, hiding somewhere that they could not see. Something was moving in the darkness around them, just beyond the reach of their light, watching.

"Leave the stupid thing, it'll follow us," Sasuke told the dog nin.

Kiba got up but a single pathetic whine from the fox made him melt. He bent back over, scratching the animal just below the chin.

"Hey! I think the little guy finally likes me!" he cheered.

"Oh joy," came Sasuke's sarcastic reply. "Now hurry the hell- Naruto would you stop waving that thing about?"

The blond ignored him. Again, a noise. He spun around on his heel towards it. The sound of something sliding through the dark.

"There's something there," he whispered.

"It's probably just the wind."

No. No it wasn't. He knew it. He could a feel it in his gut. Naruto licked his lips and shook off the sudden haze that had started to settle upon his senses. He could _feel_ it moving.

"C'mon! C'mon boy!" Kiba coxed the fox.

But the animal rolled over onto its other side. Akamaru was growling now. Even Kakashi had stopped.

"We don't have any time to be playing," he told them.

At this the dog nin made a grab for the fox. It jumped nimbly out of his reach, darted around his ankles before lying back down again with a playful bark.

Kiba sighed. "Sparky." He patted the cloth on his thighs with his fingers tips. "Let's go, Sparky."

There was a familiar tug just behind his navel. Naruto spun around and stared into the tunnel just behind the dog nin's head. His eyes widened with sudden and terrible realisation, the flare slipped from his hand.

"Move!" he cried frantically, running towards the boy. "Move!"

Kiba looked up startled. The fox barked.

"Move! Now!" A loud, banging noise clamoured off the sides of the tunnel, deafening them. "GET THE FUCK OUTTA THE WAY!"

He threw himself at the boy, knocking him sideways onto the fox just as a bluish white tail shot out of the dark. Naruto screamed in agony as it wrapped itself around his torso and arms, pulling him off his feet and up into the air.

Cool wind. The red light of the flare faded into the distance.

Slime soaked through Naruto's clothes and into his skin, setting his body alight as it worked its way into his organs. The pain was so excruciating it felt as though his flesh was being melted clean off the bone. His head flopped back, foam and blood frothed from between his lips, out his nose and dribbled down his forehead and into his eyes. He couldn't breath.

A shout. A sudden burst of yellow light. A blur of something black shooting through the dark. The scream of the beast, and then release.

Naruto fell limply through the air.

A yell. A crash. The thunder of the ceiling caving in on itself. The ground was cold and hard and unforgiving when he met it. Naruto lay there unmoving, struggling internally against the fire that was about to consume him. It hurt. It burned. He wanted to peel off his skin just to be rid of the pain.

"Don't touch him!" he heard someone yell. "He's been contaminated!"

The last thing Naruto saw before he surrendered to unconsciousness, was a pair of small red eyes.


	11. Coincidences: Edited and fixed

What became of the Likely Lads

Chapter Eleven

"Coincidences"

Consciousness ignited Naruto's mind like a sneaky, growing ember.

It was not a rude awaken of any sort. Nevertheless, it was still unpleasant. After having been subjected to the very worst in coma induced hallucinations, it was disconcerting to discover that reality had crept back up on him without his notice.

His head was foggy at first, with the more inconsistent of his thoughts trailing behind his sense of self like an iron ball on a chain. Movement was stiff. His body felt heavy, unfamiliar and every twitch carried with it a phantom echo of the agony he had battled against for the entirety of his coma. The pain had changed him, of this he was certain, in ways he was yet to know but he could feel their weighty implications hanging from the sleeves of his conscience.

Numb, both mentally and physically, Naruto kept his eyes closed and listened to the soothing rise and fall of his own breath. He was alive, the ache in his muscles told him as much. Alive, in pain and dreading the world just beyond his closed lids.

It was not a matter of what he was to return to. It was who he was not.

In the background he could hear the warm crackle of a fire and the sound of a tuneless hum. Naruto highly doubted that the Rokubi was in the business of barbecues and the voice sounded too human anyway. He was out of harm's way at least...

But at what price?

No matter how hard he tried, the humming was so low, he could not place it to a face. Naruto's blood ran cold. The very worst of his fears felt almost certain. He screwed his eyes shut even tighter.

If he kept them closed, then the horrific images of his team mates being ripped limb from limb by the Rokubi's slimy white tails could forever remain a fever induced hallucination. If he kept them closed, then the darkness would continue to stave off the guilt of responsibility... If he kept them closed, then he could still cling to the promised hope that opening them might bring.

Without warning, the humming ceased.

"Naruto," Kakashi's voice broke his incertitude. "I know you're awake."

A bitter relief followed the revelation that his sensei was still alive. That he, at the very least, had escaped.

"You've been unconscious for two days. You need to eat."

Thirst scratched at the boy's throat, building steadily in momentum until all at once his mouth began to blaze. Eyes still shut, Naruto ran his tongue over his lips, they were dried, cracked and caked with blood.

"You're safe now... We're all safe."

At this, he opened his eyes. Something flaky sprinkled from his lashes. Naruto blinked it back, his vision blurred by dim light and tears of irritation.

"_Water!_" he gasped.

There was a sloshing noise beside him. A firm hand tucked itself beneath his neck, tilting it upwards as the cool wet rim of a cup pressed against his bottom lip. Naruto grabbed it in his shaky hands and gulped down the water greedily.

"You're gonna make yourself sick if you drink too fast," Kakashi's late warning called over the sound of his student's violent stomach heaves.

With stinging nostrils and a dripping face, Naruto opened his eyes for the first time. Kakashi was kneeling beside him, Konoha's forehead protector tied once more in its rightful place around his head. His mask did little to hide his exhaustion but his one visible eye still twinkled in the face of the boy's glare.

"Don't move," he warned. "Your body's not accustomed to it yet."

Naruto ignored him and pulled himself upright. His arms shook a little beneath the strain. "Where is everyone?... And why the hell am I naked?" He added as the thick woollen blanket covering his body, fell down to expose his bare chest.

"Kiba and Sasuke are off getting washed," the man explained, taking his first question. "Good thing too. They were beginning to smell like a pack of wet dogs."

"That's just Kiba normally," Naruto mumbled under his breath, relieved that his team mates had not been harmed nor present to witness his moment of weakness. Then the guilt set in.

It was because him, the Rokubi had found them.

Furthermore, Naruto knew that it was still out there. He could still feel its presence moving somewhere in the distant dark, and it was only a matter of time before it came searching again. As the Sanzo had said, demons attracted demons. The Kyuubi would lead it to him like a bee to honey.

If there was only one thing that Naruto was absolutely certain of following his brush with the beast, it was that the Rokubi would continue to seek him out, and that placed his team in severe danger. There was also the very real likelihood of his secret being discovered. Naruto knew that it would be a lot harder to keep it hidden now that the Rokubi was hell bent on catching him._ Especially _now that Sasuke had a reason to be more suspicious of him than ever before.

Naruto's brow furrowed as a sudden thought crossed his mind; Where there were creatures that wanted to catch him, it was possible that there were others who wanted him to get caught. It was not the most far-fetched idea he had ever had. Actually, he completely and utterly believed it. Throughout the horror and the pain of his coma, he could still distinctly remember seeing a pair of glowing red eyes watching. The very same pair he had seen moments before he had succumbed to unconsciousness.

Coincidences could not be overlooked.

"They stayed with you the entire time," Kakashi's voice broke his train of thought. Naruto watched him as he took a loaf of bread out of a canvas satchel and tore it in two. "Didn't bath or sleep, barely ate either. It was even hard getting them to go to the toilet. Here, eat."

Naruto took the bread without a word. He bit down into the stale loaf, forcing himself to swallow before he turned his attention to his skin. The white of his pigment ran like a river of lava beneath a thin crumbling layer of unknown blackish brown substance. Frowning to himself, he rubbed his fingers against his palm and a shower of dust sprinkled onto his blanket.

"What's with all the black shit?"

"Blood," the man replied gravelly. There was a loud click as Naruto put two and two together in his mind.

"So my clothes...?"

"Disintegrated."

"_Everything_?" he asked in a vain hope.

Kakashi nodded. "Right down to your sandals. Jin used his robe to carry you the rest of the way to the camp." Naruto cringed at the mental picture of the giant running through the tunnels, his private bits dangling all over the place.

He looked over to where Jin lay curled up at his master's feet, asleep. He now wore a green dress in the place of his orange robes, but his sheer mass had split the material across his back to reveal his gigantic shoulder blades. Naruto's gaze drifted to the Sanzo. The monk's ancient face was ashen grey, his forehead covered in a layer of sweat. He turned to his teacher in sudden alarm.

"He drove off the Rokubi's attack... Saved us all," Kakashi explained, catching his silent line of inquiry. "His health has suffered however."

The boy's eyes widened as he looked back to the sleeping man. Despite having seen him defeat an opponent twice his size before, it was mind boggling that the monk had single-handedly taken on something undoubtedly bigger still. Whereas the Kisame incident might have been explained away by dumb luck, this could not. Naruto had enough experience with demons to know that only someone particularly skilled had a hope of fighting one and getting away alive.

"Did it touch him?" he whispered.

"I'm not sure," Kakashi replied with a shake of the head. "It was very dark. There were tails coming at us from all angles..." He went quiet for a moment, lost in memory. "...I couldn't generate chakra quick enough to counter its regeneration speed. The rocks were caving in around us and just when I thought we'd lost you for good, the Sanzo went running at it... I have no idea what he did, I didn't hear the name of technique, all I know is that it let go of you and retreated. Jin covered you and got you out before the passage caved in on top of us..."

Naruto nodded, keeping his eyes downcast. He needed answers, ones he was certain that only the old man could give. He also wanted to find out what exactly had happened to Utakata and more to the point, if it could happen to him as well.

The change he had started to feel all those months before now felt more apparent than ever. The terrible beast continued to turn inside him, but now it felt closer, more personal. It was as if a part of his own soul had been poisoned black.

"Jin says that he will live," Kakashi continued, veering the conversation back on course at the boy's apparent unease. He frowned before the corner of his eye wrinkled upwards in an amusement. "He kept on talking about needlework before he collapsed."

"Bloody typical."

They fell into silence again. From the guarded looks his teacher kept throwing his way, Naruto could tell that the man wished to speak of something more pressing. But Naruto had no intention of entering such a conversation. Instead, he rested his chin on his knuckles in feigned ignorance and turned his attention to their surroundings.

It was a cave of colossal proportions, easily large enough to fit half Kirigakure, and it was indeed doing such the thing without much difficulty. For whatever reason, Team Seven and the monks had taken up residency by themselves in small alcove twenty feet or so above the sea of brightly coloured tents and shacks. Hundreds of small lanterns hung from ropes just above them, crisscrossed over themselves like the threads of a spider's web. The air was close and filled with smoke, and from a small wooden shack by the entrance to the cave, the clash of steel could be heard.

"Where are we?"

"The rebellion's military headquarters," Kakashi told him as he stood up. "About two hundred feet or so below ground."

"Looks more like an underground carnival. So these guys are all..."

"Shinobi? Most are. From what I've seen there is only about twelve hundred camped here."

Naruto scratched his head and then shrugged, resigned. Numbers and figures meant very little to him.

They continued to stare out over the view. The smoke from the camp fires and the wooden shack by the entrance curled upwards towards the ceiling, covering it in thick black clouds before it dispersed through a winding tunnel at the top. The air felt so very cold down in the underground.

"Naruto," the man began slowly. "About what you did for Kiba... I want you to know that I'm proud of you."

Naruto felt his cheeks burn. He ducked his head, pulling the blanket up around him until it covered the lower part of his face. Suddenly his toe nails were in dire need of a cleaning, Naruto began picking out the dried blood from beneath them with his fingers.

"Oh... You're awake."

At the top of the wooden ladder, a flicker of honest relief crossed Sasuke's face before it was blown out by indifference.

"_He's awake?_" Kiba's voice exclaimed somewhere beneath him.

Naruto felt a large idiotic grin split across his face as he watched them climbed up onto the ledge. With a bark, Akamaru jumped from his master's shoulder and rushed towards the newly awoken boy. Although his brown eyes were alight with loyal adoration, the puppy still knew to keep a respectful distance. On review, Naruto hated animals but Akamaru was the one cool exception.

"Yo Maru."

The dog barked in reply.

"I'm going to see about getting you some clothes." Kakashi lowered himself down the ladder. "You two show Naruto the way to the lake and then come meet me at dinner."

"Your face looks like a box of fireworks exploded in it," Sasuke turned to him as soon as the man was gone.

Their hair was still wet from bathing and their bodies practically swimming in the folds of two oversized blue turtle necks. Kiba lingered by the ladder, his head lowered, a weak smile plastered on his face.

"And yours looks like its been stabbed with a spoon," Naruto raised his cup to his lips only to find it empty. He nodded to the jug by the boy's foot. "Pass it here."

Sasuke rolled his eyes but went to pick it up nonetheless. He gripped the handle in a sudden wince and pulled away. As he stared down at his hand, his face did a swift comical jump from irritation to wonder and then alarm before finally resting on puzzlement - All in a matter of seconds.

"Are you trying to decide what finger you're gonna frig yourself with later?" Naruto barked. "Jug. _Now!_"

Sasuke snapped to attention. "The handle's chipped," he said, handing it to him. "I hope you cut yourself."

"Aww, did you hurt your ickle hand?" Naruto threw back. "Want me to kiss it better?"

But Sasuke ignored him. He continued to stare down at his fingers, his lips moved silently as if he were trying to piece together a riddle.

Naruto arched an eyebrow at his comrade's strange behaviour before he turned his attention to Kiba. The dog nin smiled back nervously. Although he was both happy and relieved that Kiba was unharmed, the tension was beginning to grate on his nerves. It took a few more minutes before Kiba finally plucked up enough courage to speak.

"Thanks."

Naruto almost regurgitated the water back into the jug via his nose. He didn't particularly want thanked for something he felt was his fault.

"...Nice turtle neck," he said instead, wiping his face on the blanket. "Who'd you steal that off? A fat pensioner?"

Kiba looked down at his ill-fitting clothes. "My jacket got melted." At the blond's questioning eyebrow, he continued. "We used them to move you from the base camp up to here."

Naruto's eyes widened in sudden realisation. He turned to Sasuke. "You used your shirt?_The _shirt?"

The Uchiha shrugged it off. "It's just a shirt."

Naruto looked to Kiba, who nodded once in clarification and then back to the other boy. He couldn't believe his ears; the shirt had been the one treasured possession the Uchiha had brought with him on their mission. He had worn it religiously and with great pride.

Sasuke shifted uneasily. "Blankets are multi-purpose," he explained in his normal, analytical fashion. "That means that there was no point in wasting a perfectly good one on you. I can replace it when we get home... Or would you have preferred it if we had left you there? Naked? For _everyone_ to see?"

Naruto groaned.

"It's not like we didn't try to cover you up, we did," Kiba's voice was depressingly small. "But everything that touched you just melted away... You just kept on bleeding. Wouldn't stop... It was like you were gonna disappear too..."

The was a tense silence that followed. One filled with guilt and uncertainty until Sasuke broke it at last.

"I'm now completely convinced that we could pump Naruto full of cooking oil, set him alight and he'd still be alright."

"You'd have to do it in an open space," Kiba told him in all seriousness. "Otherwise he'd melt the floors."

"You are aware that I was speaking hypothetically."

Naruto roared with laughter as the boy's brow creased in confusion. Kiba scowled at him for a moment before his face cracked up in turn and he joined in. Peals of laughter echoed around the cave, earning strange looks from the passers-by below. Even Sasukewas moved enough to give a small, sincere smile.

The Rokubi's attack had at least set something right; Things were back to the way they were before the Kirigakure mission, before his fight with the Uchiha in Ichiraku's. Narutolay there on the ground afterwards, his sides aching, a large goofy smile stretching the width of his face. It was probably only temporary but he was determined to enjoy it while it lasted.

Just then there was a rustle followed by a bark. Naruto's stomach twisted as he caught sight of a familiar white-tipped red tail poking out of the canvas sack his teacher had used earlier.

Something needed to be done.

* * *

Water lapped against the sloping shore in rolling, rhythmical waves.

The icy damp bit upwards through the soles of his bare feet and into his bones as he climbed down over the rocks towards the water's edge. Naruto shivered and clutched the blanket tighter around his chest. The heat of the lantern melting into his forearm was a sorry source of comfort against the endless black of the underground lake.

On contemplation, it was not the wetness or the cold that he feared. Those were just tainted by association. It was the darkness that the water held within of it, and in an underground lake, it could not get any darker.

Naruto's insides did several cartwheels as a cold rot spread from his stomach, up to his mouth and into his brain. The lantern's soft beams glittered uselessly on its surface like painted flecks of snow. Darkness ate at the light's edge, slithered through it in ripples, pushed upwards underneath it from the murky depths below. By staring into it alone, Naruto felt as if he would be swallowed whole.

As the canvas sack in his other hand gave a squirm, he gritted his teeth together. A single splash and the deed was done, and no one would ever be any the wiser to it.

Kiba would probably be sad, although Naruto doubted that he would suspect him. Neither of the boys had visibly noticed the suspicious looking bulge beneath his blanket as they escorted him to the place. It was for his own good anyway. Coincidences came in threes supposedly, and by that rule, Naruto had already experienced enough to know that it was all a little more than an unfortunate accident.

The sack squirmed again, this time followed by a muffled bark.

...And yet. Yet he could not shake the niggling voice at the back of his head. The one question that repeated itself over and over like a religious chant; What if he was wrong? If coincidences did indeed come in threes, then it could only be directly associated with two incidents and even they were open to debate.

As Naruto bit down on his bottom lip, the wound riddled corpse of the Kiri boy flashed before his eyes. Two days spent in a coma had not dulled his sense of self-revulsion. He now knew that he was altogether very capable of the type of mindless sadism that was frowned on in the wider Shinobi community. He could so easily become the beast Konoha feared him to be.

Still, if there had only been two coincidences so far, Naruto did not want to try for a third. He did not trust the thing. He wanted it dead.

No one would ever know.

As he gripped the threads of his resolve, deep within the darkest pits inside him, the Kyuubi's purr began to roll with malicious delight. It rumbled through his body, echoing off his sinuses.

The bag slipped from the boy's fingers.

It fell through the air...

Squirming... Rolling...

And landed on the rocky ground with a thud.

Almost immediately the fox began to disentangle itself from the fabric. Naruto inhaled, ever aware that the animal was now sitting by his leg waiting.

"Go away," he told it, keeping his gaze locked on the freckles of lamplight scattered across the water's surface.

A subconscious shudder ran the length of his spine. The animal's eyes weighed down on him like a pair of iron shackles. Watching... Waiting... Always staring.

Naruto spun around, suddenly furious. "_Go!_" he yelled at it as he lashed out with his foot. "Get lost!"

The fox scattered in a yelp of startled confusion. Pebbles flew from beneath it as its tiny paws scrambled over the wet rocks, Naruto chasing after it in hot pursuit. It stopped suddenly, less than five feet away, its ears flattened, its head bowed in submission. Irritated, Naruto bent down and scooped up a handful of stones.

For a second he hesitated, half expecting the fox's eyes to flash a glowing red. When they did not, he threw the first stone.

It missed, landing just a few inches short of it. The second stone however, hit it in the head with a clunk. The fox staggered a little but as Naruto raised the third, it whimpered before it turned on its heels and fled along the bank of the lake towards the darkness.

"AND DON'T COME BACK!"

Panting, he leaned back against a boulder, his ears strained as he listened to the fading footsteps of the creature. Soon enough, not a single yip could be heard. He doubted that it would come back. On retrospect, it probably would have been kinder just to drown it. Wild animals that became too accustomed to humans often led short unhappy lives. That is if it even was an animal to begin with.

Naruto's eyes drifted towards the empty bag.

It had not been pity that swayed him. He hated the thing, whatever it was. He hadn't drowned it because the Kyuubi had wanted him to, and Naruto would've rather been doused a dozen times over in the Rokubi's slime than satisfy its sadism. After all the years of nightmares and the recent hallucinations, in his own small way, Naruto was kicking back.

He rested a moment longer, mentally preparing himself for his impending bath. Logically, there was nothing in the water and to think otherwise was ridiculous. Despite this knowledge, Naruto's breath still hitched and his legs still quaked as he peeled off the blanket and stepped up to the water's edge. Had either Sasuke or Kiba been there, they probably would have laughed at him. Even without their presence, he still felt like a cowardly moron as he stood there trembling.

"I've brought you some clean clothes."

Naruto went tumbling into the water with a yelp.

Immediately his mind was seized by wild panic. He flailed at the swirling darkness, unable to think, unable to breathe. The wet seeped into every inch of his body. It bunged up his ears, blackened out his sight. Naruto opened his mouth to scream and water came rushing into his lungs - Pulling him closer, deeper into its cold embrace.

His head broke the surface with a gasp. Spluttering and coughing, his scalp screamed with pain as a strong hand guided him back to the water's edge by the hair.

"Put your feet down," A deep voice said in his ear.

Naruto flushed with embarrassment as his toes touched the sharp, slimy rocks beneath him. The hand was gone now, instead Naruto found himself being pinned to the bank by an arm around his shoulders. He was about to turn around to yell at the intruder for startling him, when he noticed a long black strand of hair hanging just by his temple. Her looked down, a thick bandage covered their left hand.

Heart in mouth, he kicked his foot off the bank and the arm let go before he could propel it and its owner into the water. Naruto twisted around furiously to face them.

There on the bank, in the place of what he thought was to be a boy, crouched a teenage girl dressed in full Hunter Nin regalia, her red and white mask hanging around her neck by a string. She was very pretty, delicate like a doll, with long hair that cascaded over her shoulders and down her back like a waterfall.

"Be careful," she called in the same deep voice.

"What the hell happened to your hand?" Naruto snarled, pointing to the bandage.

She blinked once before standing up straight. Although she could not have been more than a year or so older than him, she was still tall for a girl.

"A kunai," she said simply. "Right here." Her hand lingered on the flesh between her thumb and forefinger.

His eyes narrowed even further. "When?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I said, _when?_" he repeated, gritting his teeth together.

A serene brow raised itself mild confusion. The girl reached out with her right hand and began to unravel the bandage. "Two nights ago during the battle." It fell away to reveal a large set of crude stitches that ran in an arch from the knuckle to the nook of her thumb. The flesh looked painfully bruised. Naruto took a sharp inhale of breath.

"Kiri kunai have a smaller sharper protrusion on one side of the blade. It caught me here," Her pale finger pointed to the knuckle. "Right the way through my finger, and then it was dragged downwards and sideways. It missed my tendon but I'll be lucky if I ever regain full movement."

"You weren't at the river that day at all?" Naruto asked, still unconvinced.

Her hair danced as she shook her head. "Why?"

"You couldn't have gotten that from, say-" He watched her expression carefully. "_-a bite?_"

"No," she replied in a firm, definite tone that left no room for argument. "I was here all day preparing for the raid. You can even ask my master or better still, Tsurugi-sama." Her mouth frowned as she spoke the last name. "...Although, he's not here at the moment. I'm very sorry for scaring you," she added ruefully.

Naruto glared at her, making a mental note to ask questions later. "You didn't _scare_ me. You just- You just startled me. I'm not _scared _of anything."

She nodded politely, not in a disbelieving way but something about it still annoyed Naruto. It was almost too polite. The blond scowled as she made herself comfortable on a boulder.

"You mind? I'm naked here."

"It's nothing I haven't seen before," the girl told him, picking the clothes up off the ground and setting them down beside her, newly folded.

The realisation hit him like an anvil. The height. The voice. "You're a boy."

"Yes. Don't worry about it though," The Hunter nin waved his uninjured hand. "I'm used to people mistaking me for a girl."

In truth, Naruto was far from worried. If anything, he found himself blessed that he, himself had no gender identification problems. A wicked idea began to form in his mind. He could easily persuade Kiba that the stranger was a girl and therefore possibly place him in a most humiliating situation.

"It's amazing that you're still alive," the boy said, interrupting his train of thought. "People manage to escape sometimes but no one's ever survived after being touched by the Rokubi."

Naruto didn't answer. The water was cold and horrible, it dragged at his heels, pulling him down. He wanted out but he did not feel too comfortable with exposing himself in public - Any more than he already had.

Unfortunately, the boy did not look like he was intending to move any time soon. "I heard you took the hit while protecting your team-mate."

"The fucking idiot didn't get outta the way on time, that's all," Naruto replied without thinking.

At this, the boy's expression grew pensive. He folded his arms over and stared straight into Naruto's face. "Why did you do it then?"

It was on a rare occasion that Naruto found himself at a loss for words. He didn't honestly want to believe that anyone was stupider than Jin. "Cause he would have died," he told him in a slow, deliberate manner.

"You also could have died," The boy pointed out. Naruto didn't bother correcting him. The fact that he was still standing and breathing spoke for itself. "And you just called him an "idiot", so you mustn't like him very much. So why did you do it?"

Naruto bristled with agitation. All the questions did little to lessen his suspicions of the boy. "What's it to you who I like or don't? It's none of your damn business."

"Sorry... I'm just curious," the boy answered in honest assurance. "Everyone's been talking about you. My name is Haku by the way," he smiled.

Naruto didn't return it. "Yeah well, it's none of their fucking business either, Ha-_ku_," grumbled the blond. Something about the boy's words still irked him however. "I wasn't thinking 'bout dying at the time," he admitted. "He's my team-mate."

With this, he turned away, splashing the water up on his arms and torso. Even with his muscles clenched, he could not stop the painful shudders that rocked his body at the contact. Feeling foolish, Naruto hoped that his shakes could be fobbed away by the cold.

"So this team-mate of yours- The one you saved," Haku went on after a moment's contemplation. "Would you sacrifice yourself for him again? Even if he wouldn't do the same for you."

At this Naruto stopped. He hadn't thought of it that way. When he had thrown himself in front of Kiba, it had never been a matter of him dying for him. The thought had never once crossed his mind. He just hadn't wanted Kiba to die.

Haku seemed to take his silence for a yes. "And what about the other boy? Would you do the same for him?"

"He wouldn't risk his life for anyone, except a corpse." Naruto was somewhat taken aback by the sound of bitterness in his own voice.

"Doesn't matter. Would you?" he pressed.

Naruto gave a non-committal shrug. He felt under no obligation to give the pushy boy a real answer. He had already decided that he was never ever again going to feel the same shameful helplessness he had experienced earlier.

"-And you'd never abandon them either. No matter what happens."

Again another shrug. The conversation was getting far too touchy feely for Naruto's tastes. Something that didn't sit right with him about it either. The injury on Haku's hand was already suspicious enough without the twenty questions.

Haku sighed and tilted his head back, his black hair gleaming in the lantern's light. "We're alike then," he said after a pause. "You and I. We're both very alike."

"I'm sure you've got a lot more in common with Sasuke," Naruto replied, unable to resist the jab at the boy's feminine appearance.

Haku smiled, ignorant to his insinuation. "He's an Uchiha, isn't he? I thought it had to behim when I saw him..." He tapped his chin with his forefinger in thought. "The last of the Sharingan users, or so I've heard."

For the first time, Naruto realized just how renowned being a Uchiha was. It annoyed him to no end that everyone automatically held Sasuke in high esteem, when he, himself was just as easily judged in the same fashion, but to the opposite effect.

Haku nodded with satisfaction. "He's very _aloof._"

Naruto snorted. "I'm pretty sure that being stuck up is a defining Uchiha character trait as well... Why so interested?" his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

The dark-haired teen shrugged as he began to redress his hand. "I was just wondering what it was like for him in Konoha, growing up with a bloodline. If it was different for him at all... You do know people with bloodlines are killed in this country?"

"Yeah. I heard you lot like to play target practice with them."

Haku's brown eyes grew pained around the edges. He folded his legs up and tucked them under his chin, his gaze downcast.

"I suppose you could put it like that," he began slowly. "They didn't so much use us as target practice as they fear us. Did you know that there's an old story that says that those with bloodline limits are supposedly the descendants of women who once laid with Yokai? People believe that they're- we're," he corrected himself. "demon children."

At Naruto's bark of laughter, he raised his head.

"Yes, it does sound stupid but people really do believe it here."

"I don't doubt it," the blond nodded grimly. "People are fucking stupid."

He had always known that he and Sasuke were united by their similar backgrounds, although he had not realised just how similar they were. Still, the thought of the Uchiha being the descendent of a bastard, half demon lessened his prestige in Naruto's opinion.

Haku shook his pretty head. "You don't understand what it's like." Naruto forced himself to bite his tongue. "-Bloodline limits are feared everywhere, in Water Country more than anywhere else. The Mizukage even ordered a mass purge of us following the defeat of the Kaguya clan."

"So that's what this is all about? To stop you lot from being turned into kebabs."

"That's why Mei and her followers are at war," the boy corrected him stiffly, his tone laced with a bitter anger that Naruto identified with only too well. "They were fine with him until he started to come after their clans. My master fights because he wants to free Kiri from the yoke of the Mizukage... You have a very blunt way of putting things, has anyone ever told you that?"

"If you don't like it, go away," Naruto snapped back as he hopped from foot to foot, trying to will some blood back into them. His body was so cold, it was beginning to burn. "It's the same thing anyway. Both sides want him dead. What makes you so sure that your master will be able to gut the bastard? The guy's a psycho."

Haku's breath hitched. He stared down at Naruto with pure, steely determination written all over his face. "Because I will make sure of it."

"So you're gonna kill him yourself then..." the blond arched an eyebrow. "_Seriously?"_

"If I need to," Haku nodded in all seriousness. There was nothing childlike or half-hearted about his tone. Before him sat a well bodied killer, Naruto was begrudgingly impressed.

"Why bother?" he asked. "It's his fight."

"For the same reason you risked your life for your team mate," came the reply. "...I have no family you see."

Naruto arched an eyebrow at the boy's random confession. "So? Neither do I. What the does that gotta do with anything?"

Haku's lips twitched upwards in a wryly smile. "It seems that we're more alike than I thought..."

Naruto frowned at this. He wasn't exactly thrilled by the notion.

"Most people are given a title when they're born," the boy began, his voice sounded incredibly sad and distant. "Like brother or sister, daughter..._or son_," he spoke the last word with no small amount of resentment. "Orphans aren't given titles because they're nothing to no one. People don't need them like, say, they would if they were family... My master doesn't need a son or a brother, what he needs is a weapon."

Naruto was taken aback by the depressing truth in the boy's statement. He was a jinchuuriki, he had a purpose of sorts but he was of no real value to anyone other than that. A weapon and a jail, that was his sole reason for existence and how hollow it all sounded. Suddenly, the weight of being a demon container felt all the heavier.

"Why do you have to be a weapon?" Even to his own ears he sounded desperate.

"Because it gives me a purpose. Besides, weapons also protect," Haku reminded him as he climbed to his feet. "...What's your name by the way?"

"Naruto."

He had more than enough food for thought as he watched the boy turn to leave. He did not believe Haku's story about his injury but the annoying voice at the back of his head had piped up once more to challenge him. It was possible that he was looking for something to confirm the incident, no matter how far-fetched it appeared to be.

* * *

Seated behind an old barn door turned table top, Kakashi watch with vague interest as the Hoshigakure nin's face swelled from red to purple.

It was quite clear to all present that Momochi Zabuza, who was by no means a short man, possessed a short temper.

"Whaddya mean, you want more money?" Zabuza snarled through a layer of bandages as he tightened his grip around the Hoshi nin's neck.

Keeping his book in place, Kakashi raised a clump of soggy rice to his mouth and chewed. He tried hard to ignore the crutch of a weevil's shell between his teeth. War provisions always left much to be desired.

"Since the likelihood of us getting killed has gone up," squawked the choking man. "We thought that it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask for a thirty percent increase, Sir," he added hastily to the end.

"Oh yeah?" said Zabuza, strengthening his hold. "Who's _we?_"

The man eyes darted to the left, only to find that all his companions had suddenly and mysteriously evaporated. Even through the layers of Zabuza's makeshift mask, there was no disguising the cruel smile playing on his lips.

"'_The likelihood of getting killed has gone up,_" he mocked in a sing song voice, his dark eyes flashed like knives. "Tell me, did you think you'd be handing out dango? This is war, not a carnival."

Kakashi thoughts flew to the humorous description of the camp his students had made only half an hour earlier. He chuckled quietly to himself, earning a raised eyebrow from Sasuke.

"I know! _I know!_" the man rasped desperately. "_Please! I... don't... wanna.._." His jaw went slack as his eyes rolled back in his skull. Zabuza dropped him like a dead weight.

No one dared breathe as they watched him come around on the ground, groaning and wheezing for breath. Bored, Kakashi took the moment to do a quick recount of the number gathered around the camp's kitchen tent.

Out of twelve hundred, a hundred fifty-three soldiers sat on the barrels, rocks and crates around the door-turned-table tops. Excluding himself and his team, there were twenty rogue Samurai and one hundred and thirty shinobi. When he broke this number down even further, there were twenty-three jounin, thirty-five chunin, fifty-eight genin and fifteen shinobi of unknown rank. And if Kakashi had really wanted to be technical about it, he would have separated the jounin and chunin down even further to four hunter nin, three ANBU, fourteen regular jounin, thirty-two chunin and three missing nin; Two of whom just so happened to be sitting at their table. The third, taking care of a greedy mercenary.

As Zabuza bent over the Hoshi nin, he pulled out a bulging brown leather pouch from his pocket and opened it. "Thirty percent?" he said, holding out ten shiny gold coins in his hand. "Here, take it."

The man hand's reach out on impulse, but he stopped short. His watery blue eyes darted to Zabuza's dark brown in hesitation.

"-But you'll be standing right next to me in the front line during the coming battle."

Immediately, the hand withdrew itself.

There was a collective snicker around the caves as gathering watched him scramble away. His face was as red as a beetroot, with nothing to show for it other than a set of nasty purple bruises. Zabuza's glare soon silenced them. They scratched their necks or looked around for a different source of entertainment. Kakashi highly doubted that anyone would step forward to test the man's patience again for some time.

Momochi Zabuza was by no means a short man, but he was a brutal one.

"Greedy bastards," Kakashi heard a man named Gozu grumble as he took a swing from his bottle. Seated beside him, his twin brother, Meizu spat on the ground before mumbling something equally as damning.

Kiba jerked awake with a nod, having missed all the action. Whereas Sasuke ate his rice in silence, not giving even a nod of recognition whenever something was said. Kiba was far too polite for his own good, and nobly fought his drooping eyelids. Even then, it seemed that the initial excitement brought by Naruto's awakening, had already worn thin in the company of Zabuza's right hand men - Or so they called themselves.

As far as right hand men went, in Kakashi's opinion they had as much charm between them as a poultice. It had been amusing to discover that there was indeed some truth to Naruto's observation about masks being used to hide ugliness. Still, they were not the worst of the unsavoury band of misfits gathered together around the camp canteen.

Kakashi's scanned the gathering once more. One hundred and fifty able-bodied men, women and children in all. Some of whom had travelled from as far as Demon Country. What surprised him the most was that the group was largely made up of Shonobi from some of the smaller villages. In total there were only forty-eight Kiri ninja present at the meal. It appeared that Zabuza was yet to gain the support of his fellow country men.

As Gozu opened his mouth to speak, his brother cut across him.

"Stop yammering on 'bout Gato," scoffed Meizu. "Everyone's heard of Gato. Richest bastard around-" his mouth twisted evilly. "Well... he _was_."

His brother glared at him. "What did I say 'bout interrupting me?" he snapped.

"You is telling it wrong," Meizu sniffed, flicking a weevil from his rice. "Listen to me, they've heard of Gato. Everyone's heard of Gato."

Kakashi had in fact never heard of Gato, and he was quite certain that none of his team had either. By default, they had sat down at the table after spotting Tsurugi there earlier. The man had since left on some errand or other, and the twins had taken it upon themselves to relay the deeds of their leader to the new comers - None of which were particularly heroic.

At the bottom of the table, beside a young white-haired boy in his early teens, a middle-aged man with blue hair and an eye patch gave a pointed cough. Meizu and Gozu ceased their snarling immediately.

"As I was saying," Gozu continued, throwing his brother a dirty look. "Gato was a real big Shipping Magnate. Top man as they say, filthy rich too. But see, like all them suits, he didn't get that way being a good guy... And he wasn't the type to get his hands dirty neither. So-"

"They already know 'bout Gato!" interrupted Mizui impatiently.

"So," his brother raised his right hand and scalped him across the head. "Gato came to the four of us and offered us a proposition; We take care of some auld one called Tazuna, and he'll give us enough money to raise an army," he paused for dramatic effect, unaware that the only active participant in his audience had drifted off into a light doze.

"-Took us a wee while preparing and the like but we took Tazuna down, along with the team of Tani nin the poor auld sod had hired to protect himself. Course, only after we done this did we find out that Gato never planned on paying us. He thought he could get us to do his dirty work and then dispose of us," he sneered with disgust. "Too bad for Gato, he never listened to them stories about our "Demon Dog of the Mist". You can't double cross Zabuza and expect to live." He slammed his fist down on the table and Kiba jerked awake once more.

In his defence, during his semi concious moments, Kiba did make a good show of appearing to be enthralled by the tale. Whether or not Gozu noticed his lapses in attention went unsaid, for it was not long before he was embroiled in yet another spat with his twin. This time over the exact positioning of the word "Demon" in Zabuza's moniker.

The blue haired man at the end of the table raised his one eye heavenwards. Kakashi gave a small chuckle and turned the page of his book.

"Sensei?" He heard Sasuke ask.

Kakashi spared the most serious of his genin a brief glance. The boy was brooding over something as usual, but it was very rare for him to strike up a conversation between them. In fact, when Kakashi thought about it, Sasuke had never directly addressed him before unless he had spoken first. The man pulled up his mask and closed his book.

"In theory, could abilities be passed on in ways other than genetics or jutsu training?"

"What do you mean?" Kakashi asked carefully, testing the verbal battleground out for traps. He did not trust Sasuke's sudden interest in rhetorical conversation any more than he trusted Naruto and Kiba with a pair of scissors. "Bloodline theft? Or seals?"

"No," the boy frowned, unsatisfied. "What if abilities could be passed on by the blood itself? Not by genetics though... Like say if you drank it or something?"

Kakashi's one eye narrowed. The boy had obviously been taking notes on deception from Naruto, but his serious personality allowed him to down play the importance of his query. The Uchiha boy had the makings of a master manipulator if he so chose to be one. The realization unnerved Kakashi a little.

"It is possible," he replied carefully. "Although I've never heard of it happening between two humans..."

He had to bite his lip to prevent himself from asking just how exactly Naruto was involved, and to what effect. Naruto's miraculous escape from the grips of the Rokubi had already attracted more hostile attention than to be expected. If it had not been for Tsurugi, they all would have found themselves at the tender mercies of the rebels' interrogation unit.

Even Zabuza was yet to approach them, Kakashi however knew that this was because he had more pressing matters to deal with other than a few stranded nin. Still, it amused him to no end that Tsurugi, much like himself back in Konoha, was possibly the worst best kept secret of the rebellion. Everyone knew who he was but very few people had seen what the man looked like beneath his mask. Around the camp and since their first meeting, Tsurugi had kept his mask on at all times.

"What do you mean?" Sasuke asked, now honestly curious.

"Hmm?" Kakashi snapped back to attention.

The boy glared at him. "About it happening between a human and something else?"

"Oh that..." He folded his arms. "You've heard about the Gold and Silver Brothers?"

Sasuke nodded. "They nearly killed the Nidaime Hokage."

"Correct- They were extraordinarily powerful," he paused as he weighed the likelihood of Sasuke figuring out the connection between Naruto and the Kyuubi. "-demonically so."

The Uchiha boy rolled his eyes in his usual sceptical fashion. "Are you saying that they drank the blood of a demon?"

"Ate it's stomach lining, actually," Kakashi told him cheerfully. At the boy's arched eyebrow he chuckled. "They were sent to catch a tailed beast, but instead it ate them whole. According to intelligence, they survived for two weeks in the Kyuubi's stomach by eating slices of its chakra infused meat."

Sasuke's sharp eyes narrowed. "The Kyuubi's?" he repeated.

Kakashi nearly slapped himself for his careless slip. It had only been a few moments before that he was carefully weighing up the probabilities of Sasuke discovering anything. However, what was done, was done and his best option was to act as though everything was perfectly normal.

"Yep," he nodded, inwardly kicking himself. The two boys had not been the only ones kept awake with worry those two nights.

"So," Sasuke began, still sceptical. "How did they get out?"

"They ran up and down its stomach until eventually the Kyuubi got fed up and regurgitated them."

Sasuke looked completely unimpressed. "And let me guess, they had somehow absorbed the Kyuubi's chakra into them."

"Sounds about right." Kakashi picked up his book, satisfied that the boy's curiosity had been quenched. Sasuke's cynical nature left no room for the fantastical. From his view-point, everything was a trick that could be seen through.

"But I thought that demon chakra is supposed to poisonous," Sasuke argued.

"Not to everyone," interrupted a deep, gruff voice. "It will be interesting to see exactly what effects the Rokubi's chakra has had on that team-mate of yours."

At the bottom of the table, the blue haired man had been listening to their exchange intently. Kakashi went to shoot Sasuke a warning look, but then realised that he needn't have bothered. It went unsaid that Naruto and his condition were not things that could be discussed openly. Sasuke returned to poking the weevils from his dinner, his jaw clamped tightly shut.

"-And you didn't even tell them what the Boss did after it!" Meizu hissed at his brother on the other side of the table.

"I was getting to that bit! You gotta stop fucking interrupting me!" Gozu shouted back.

Kakashi gave Kiba a light kick. The dog nin blinked twice before straightening back up, rice and dead insects stuck to his chin.

"Right! Where were we- Oh yeah," said Gozu, turning back around to face them. Kakashi turned his page, still half listening. "There Zabuza was, surrounded by Gato and a dozen of his big guys. He took out kubikiribōchō and then bam!" He slapped his hand across the back of his brother's head. "Twelve swipes and he sliced them bastards up like they was sushi... Course, he left Gato for last. Made him squeal like a little piggy..." A nasty grin spread the width of the man's face. "And then he chopped off his head."

"We took his money first!" Meizu butted in as he rubbed his skull.

Gozu's brow twitched in annoyance. "No. We took his money afterwards, remember? Gato told us where it was so we went back to his fancy house, broke into his safe and swiped the lot."

"...Oh yeah."

His long suffering brother shook his head before his eyes glazed over in memory. "We was rolling in it afterwards. Billions of yen it was... Didn't touch a single bit of it though!" he slammed his fist down with such severity that Kiba finally jolted upright in full alert. "We put it all towards the cause."

"What cause?" the dog nin yawned.

Gozu looked a little disgusted, which only served to make his face all the more unpleasant.

"The revolution of course!" he said, his chest swelling out like a poisonous toad. "See, Zabuza made a plan years ago. He wasn't gonna hire just anybody first, so he took us around all them smaller villages, looking to get some troops. Being a missing nin, you'd have thought it be hard but those lot were in no position to refuse us. What with missions being outsourced to places like Konoha, they're all in the piss pot."

"Why was he a missing nin back then?" asked Sasuke, his interest finally grabbed.

"Treason," the blue haired man at the bottom of the table answered, earning himself a glare from the twins. He ignored them. "Many years ago, Zabuza attempted to overthrow Yagura but failed and was forced to flee Water Country."

Kakashi nodded once in recognition. Zabuza's failed coup d'état was something of legend within the Shinobi world.

"He only failed cause none of you gits would back him up." Gozu's eyes narrowed. "We did though," he told Kiba proudly. The boy nodded, unsure if it was something he should find impressive. "-We went with him when he left. Then we came back here with an army to set things straight."

"An army of deserters and turncoats," the blue haired man pointed out. "One that relies on coin rather then what they used to- What they should do; A man's word."

Suddenly the air around them grew very tense. Gozu lifted his left arm from beneath the table and his brother followed suit with his right. Upon their hands, both wore a leather glove that ended in five metal claws and a large circular steel gauntlet encircled their wrists. From the hole at the bottom of the gauntlets, Kakashi could just make out the links of a chain.

"Got something you wanna say, Ao?" demanded Gozu, eyeing up the blue haired man.

Bored, Ao took a swig of his sake. "You're only gonna injure your hand even more." He nodded to Gozu's gauntlet arm.

"A flesh wound ain't gonna get in the way of me ripping you in two," the man smiled. Beside him, his brother was beginning to grow agitated with anticipation.

"Put it away, boys," snorted Ao. "You're years too green for the likes of me." Kakashi could already see the man's muscles begin to tense. Ao casually shifted his body weight, placing both feet firmly on the floor.

Zabuza seemed to agree. From his empty table at the other side of the eating area, he called the twins towards him. For a second the two men hesitated, refusing to drop their weapons until their leader's voice called for them again. Louder this time.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish," muttered Ao as they left. "Bloody upstarts."

A sudden hush fell upon the gathering as everyone stopped eating and turned their attention towards the newcomer stumbling around the tables. Kakashi smiled privately to himself as a wet, prickly and thoroughly pissed off Naruto tripped into the line of his vision. Although the blond appeared to have had more luck when it came to sizes in the clothing department, his sandals were easily two sizes too big for him.

"What?" the boy snarled coming to a halt before them.

Once again, the sad realisation of just how little Naruto's personality reflected that of his parents, hit Kakashi. Still, he had to admire the boy's relentless animosity towards everyone and anyone who dared so much as breathe within his proximity.

Naruto shoved himself in between Kiba and Sasuke. His shoulders hunched up, his eyes glaring around at the diners.

"Gonna eat that?"

Kiba had not even given a full shake of the head before his team-mate snatched the bowl from him.

"Something wrong, old man?" Naruto snapped as he caught Ao's eye.

Ao arched an eyebrow. "Old man?"

"Yeah," Naruto glared back at him. "You're old."

Kakashi sighed. "It's good to hear that you're back to your usual charming self..." He looked over to Ao, who was grinning, obviously intrigued by the boy.

"How long have you been awake?" the Kiri nin asked Naruto.

His query went ignored. The boy stared down at the dead insects in his bowl, revulsion written all over his face. "It looks like a mouse crapped in it."

"Weevils from the rice being stored," Kakashi explained. "They're a good source of protein."

Naruto pushed it away. "Not hungry."

"You haven't eaten properly in two days."

"Then give me something I can eat," the boy shot back.

"Beggars can't be choosers."

But the child would not budge. Kakashi closed his book worriedly. Even with the Kyuubi's chakra regenerating cells, Naruto had still lost an awful lot of weight.

"Here's some bread, your highness," mocked Ao, throwing a loaf at him. Naruto caught it in one hand. "-Kami, you Konoha nin are a picky lot."

The white haired boy beside him snickered a little.

"It's called standards, old man," Naruto shot back. "Which is why we don't have a psycho as a Kage." Out of the corner of his eyes, Kakashi saw Sasuke smirk.

"Eh! You're just soft." Ao was obviously enjoying the bit of banter between himself and the child. "I see you've been down to the lake." He nodded to the boy's wet hair. "Freezing isn't it?"

Naruto's froze, his lip curled as though he had just recalled something incredibly unpleasant. "Some weirdo decided to come talk to me."

"You mean the person who was helpful enough to bring you clothes, I suppose?" Kakashi asked.

Unsurprisingly, Naruto did not pick up on how ungrateful he sounded."Haku or whatever his name was," he frowned. "He's a weirdo. Kept on asking me about the Rokubi and other... stuff," His brow creased with irritation. "Fucking nosy."

"That's because no one's ever survived after being touched by the Rokubi," said Ao, seizing the opening to get to his true objective. There was a hungry expression in his blue eye. He seemed determined to get some sort of explanation out of the boy. "No one."

"Good for them," Naruto answered between gulps of water. "I did."

"And why is that? It usually eats people."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yeah, _I know_. We saw its leftovers."

At this Ao straightened up, his interest piqued. "Bodies?"

"Something like that," The boy shrugged.

"Do you know who they were?"

"Fucked if I know."

At Ao's questioning look, Kakashi opened his kunai pouch and took out the Kiri forehead protector. Initially, he had intended to give it back to the Mizukage upon meeting him. It was almost ironic how things had turned out.

"We found this," he explained, tossing it on the table. "Along with the remains of four Kiri Shinobi. One of them was still intact, the others, dismembered and stripped of their flesh."

"How are you certain that there were four?" the man asked suspiciously.

"I counted the skulls," he replied. "For a demon, the Rokubi is remarkably a clean eater."

Ao smiled grimly. "Waste not, want not."

He reached up the table and picked up the forehead protector. After giving it a once over, he poked the gap between the metal slate and the cloth with a chopstick. To Kakashi's surprise a note slipped out and onto the table. Ao scooped it up and read over its contents quickly.

"Did you know of this?" he asked, looking to the Konoha nin. His one eye narrowed, checking him for any deceit.

"The note, no," Kakashi replied honestly. "We found it lying on the ground near the bodies. The area looked as though it had been completely undisturbed since their deaths."

The blue haired man nodded. He folded the paper it back up and placed it safely in the breast pocket of his kimono.

"What's it say?" asked the white-haired boy beside him.

Ao did not reply, instead he glanced towards the group of Konoha nin. Once the boy caught his meaning, his purple eyes hardened. Kakashi was not at all surprised to see distrust snaking its way across the child's pale face. They were strangers of even stranger circumstances having come straight from the jaws of two of the rebellion's enemies.

"I have to see Mei," Ao announced as he climbed to his feet.

"She's not back yet," The boy's face fell a little as he answered. It was only then that Kakashi realized that the child looked incredibly familiar. He had seen him before, or someone who looked like him, and it had not been all that long ago either.

"I'll find her then," Ao told him. "You coming? He might be with them."

The boy hesitated for a moment before he shook his head. "No... They won't have got him... Besides, I'm on watch tonight."

Ao nodded before he walked briskly off towards the tents alone. Once he was safely out of range, only then did the white-haired boy move. Kakashi watched with interest as the child ran in the opposite direction, double checking over his shoulders before he in turn disappeared somewhere behind a large beige tent.

"What do you think that was about?" Sasuke asked after they were gone. The exchange had not been lost on two of his genin. Naruto on the other hand was still struggling to rip the bread with his teeth.

Kakashi sighed, folding his arms. He had a bad feeling that somehow they had landed themselves in a whole new pile of trouble. "No doubt we'll hear about in due course."

"Don't you think that kid looks like the one we saw?" Kiba rubbed his eyes. A drool trail glimmered on the side of his face.

"Which one?" Sasuke replied flatly.

"Your one back in Kiri?" Naruto nodded, spitting crumbs everywhere.

"Yeah."

"Which one?"

The blond grinned, obviously enjoying the power he held over his team-mate. "The guy, you know?"

Sasuke eyebrow twitched. "No, I don't know."

"That white haired prisoner at the Mizukage's office," Kiba answered eventually, unable to partake in the torturing of their friend any longer.

Naruto scowled and kicked him under the table.

* * *

IMPORTANT: I will be rewriting chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and combining them with chapter 6 to make three chapters instead. So, if at any point in the not so distant future, you get an update for a chapter you think that you've already read, you are wrong. It is new, it is just that I've messed with the beginning chapters a little. I will announce this again at the beginning of the chapter and I will also tell you to reread back over the whole thing as little bits will have been added in of great importance.

Edit: Fucking FFN fucking up my spacing. Ah wells. Fixed. All hail ucal, my amazing beta reader.


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